I AM

TIRED.

and still not done.

GRUMBLE. BLOODY HELLISH TIRED. I AM GOING TO GIVE MYSELF A 3DAY BREAK ONCE I'M DONE WITH SCIENCE PAPER AND S.PSYCHOLOGY RESEARCH.

JUST A BIT MORE TO GO!!!

silly.

he always says i'm silly. and that makes me feel like a little girl. we all want to feel like little girls. and i kind of like it.

:)

there's still this little knot in my heart that's quite inconspicuous. it sometimes makes itself noticed, most of the time it doesn't. when i realise its presence, it makes me want to squeeze my toes together, and squirm abit. i can never stop my internal battles, they seem to be warring all the time. there is just so much self-conflict going on i'm like paralysed. i don't know which part of myself to start helping. i mean, i'm just riled at myself, nobody exactly provoked me. i make myself more annoyed. i have so many issues with myself it's DAMN SICK.

what the fuck is wrong with me?

we had sizzler( sea-zr-ler, i can't pronounce this word for nuts) on saturday. it's been a loonnnggg time since we had a nice meal, which of course also came with a hefty bill (rhymes!). and we watched V for vendetta at midnight. i merely dozed off for a little weeny while. haha. i was rather engaged until the middle, i don't know what happened. but the boyfriend likes it. when will i see you again?

weekends are so surreal. i feel totally detached from my mundane life during the weekends. i don't come online, i don't touch my work, i don't touch my computer, i wake up to go out, i return to sleep. i am totally different. it feels like i take off into this fantasy world come friday and then paapaadum monday i'm back into the realistic cold hard place. ERGH. is this good or bad. 

his dessert











and mine.

so involved in my prosaic unimaginative life. and unproductive.

what the hell am i doing? my life is emotionally, physically whatever-ly stunted.

so jaded, life seems pointless. i don't feel like doing anything. i feel as if a hammer is slowly clobbering me to death. slow, painful torture.

oww.

xueting is my best friend. :) your bitchiness makes me love you more.

today, i woke up with a mouth ulcer. and i put some salt on it.
sometimes you crave for physical pain because it brings you bring to reality. pain makes you realise that you're still there. fortunately or not, i leave you to decide.