after a long lazy hiatus

main reason for this post is to document the recent benefits i've received as a Nichiren Shoshu believer...and this is a convenient outlet...

i'll soon be in between jobs and changing to an totally non-related industry and field. it is really Gohonzon's (our object of worship) benefits that i signed and sealed (to be delivered) this job within less than 3 months of job-searching. because i was already sunk deep into the comfort zone of my current job, i wasn't actively job searching and i did not even buy a single copy of saturday's recruit. i had the good fortune of a relatively quiet period at work where i could mass send resumes online, toggling between job opportunity sites and work windows.

in total, i went to 4 interviews for 3 different jobs in 2.5 months and within 3 months, i managed to sign the appointment letter soon after my 2nd interview. this is really good fortune in this period of graduation where all the fresh graduates start applying for jobs. there were 3 candidates including myself vying for the same position. on the day of the 2nd interview, i was the 2nd person in line to meet with the interview panel. the 1st person was inside for a good 20 mins and i was almost half-demoralised when it was my turn. when it finally was, i was out in 10 minutes. the group director even made a comment that another stat board was opening vacancies and i could apply. upon hearing this, i was 100% sure i had to continue my job search. prior, i told Gohonzon that if i was suitable for the job, i would get it, if not, i will accept any circumstances that follow.

within 3 days, i received a call that i was selected, on my way to temple for friday chanting session. i was so appreciative tears came to my eyes when i started chanting. then it suddenly dawned on me that i received the 1st phonecall for the interview during my pilgrimage to Head Temple in Taisekiji, Japan. then i realised that Gohonzon planned this for me from the start. i was furthermore initially hesitant about this job as i was merely mass applying without any specific interest or goals. i'm the living proof of the benefits that Gohonzon will shower on you, when you have faith and surge in the direction of shakubuku. as long as you have faith and keep kosenrufu in your daily prayers, all the smaller personal wishes will be fulfilled and opportunities will arise for shakubuku.

with this and numerous benefits my family and i have received, i am truly appreciative of my good fortune to be able to practice Nichiren Daishonin's True Buddhism.

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such an odd feeling of denial. no frantic tears or sleepless nights. but neither any coming to terms with reality as well. i'm always going to be twice my maturity, thrice my ability and forever courageous. i have to be braver than lions, stronger than steel and fearless like Hercules.

This is how strong I am. Dad, i miss you but don't you worry, nothing scares me anymore.

feel like bawling.

really really exhausted. how long more?

We'll Be A Dream - We the Kings
Do you remember the nights
We'd stay up just laughing
Smiling for hours
At anything
Remember the nights
We drove around crazy in love

When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream

now i gotta work on me, and deal with it

excuse my recent behaviour, due to the nagging insecurities i get
it's hard when in retrospect i realise things you say suddenly form a picture
a not-so-pretty picture that threatens me
pardon my selfishness, and my subconsicous inability to be convinced by your love
because i'm just not used to having my space invaded
with your what-should-be harmless social interactions
not sure if i made the right decision to open up my soul to you
to show you i'm really not that strong after all
sorry i don't take compliments well and reassurance is somehow undermined
yet i don't want you to be brutally honest with me as well
because sometimes the truth hurts more
right now bear with me please
while i own up to my necessary emotions that i can't help
tell me they are unfounded fears
tell me i shouldn't think more of things you say to me
tell me there's nothing to be afraid of
but, only if you mean it.

tell me, love, what is it that you need
that i haven't been able to give
tell me, love, what is it that you lack
that i didn't notice somehow
is there a chance for me to fight
or none - just me and flight
tell me, love, where's the claim i had
tell me, love, what's wearing me out
on second thought, maybe don't say
because
if i don't have the means to make you stay
i'd be too afraid to leave

rubbish in, rubbish out

in the midst of my spring-cleaning, i realised that i do have abit of a complusive-obsessive disorder. i need almost everything to be dust-free, as much as i can, considering my flat is by the main road and dust settles the moment you wipe it off. i hate fingerprints on my wardrobe mirrors, i feel the need to clean all the crooks and nannies in the room.

what's worse are the make-up items. girls, please clean out the old make-up items and wash all the sponges if you can't throw them out! i found old make-up items that have been sitting around for more than a year, i was so disgusted with myself. i'm not a diligent person when it comes to these things so when you really get down to doing it, let's do it good for once.

feels good throwing stuff away, make space for new revelations.