I baked a pie full of rat poison. I though I could eat it, you know, without being suspicious. My nana, who is 86... (starts to cry) She really likes sweets. She had three pieces.
-Rannie: The Virgin Suicides

i need to read the book. and watch the film.

i really like good earth nail spa. they always give me the nicest nails. but i don't have the habit of sticking to a particular brand or shop since i am so fickle-minded. but i really enjoy doing my nails there!

sometimes when i talk to the boyfriend (or anyone around your age, for that matter) on some topic we randomly embark on, i feel stupid. he makes me seem ignorant and even bimbotic at times. i feel like an airhead sometimes. but never mind, sometimes i get a stab at the male ego too.

then when you're in class, the entire class makes intelligent conversations. while you meekly listen and secretly resent yourself for being such a DUMB person. and if you ever speak, you make some really stupid and pointless comment you wished you were mute.

wherever you are, there are always people better. so, just continue wishing that someday somehow you'll just drop dead or disappear into air. preferably sooner.

am i the only one, or have you ever wanted to disappear for a little while...and not respond to anybody and not care about anything?

just disappear? and go somewhere to spend time with yourself?

many many times you wanted to, all the time you couldn't.

it is just so not possible to throw everything away, not even for a tiny while.

caught two movies over the weekend: casanova and munich. i like casanova plenty! it's such a clever plot, i don't know, it reminds me of shakespeare's comedy - much ado about nothing. i like shows with clever deceit plans. and about munich...i thought it was quite a somber and difficult movie, and trust us to watch such a heavy 3-hr show at 1am. i don't know, boyfriend likes it, and i don't think i caught any messages about the politics. i am so ignorant.

i absolutely love the blueberry jelly from meidi-ya. IT ROCKS. there is a generous amount of blueberries in it! i didn't know clarke quay was quite a family place, there were so many families there, i only expected to see people in their clubbing gear. I AM SO FAT from all the supper i've had. we went chomp-chomp on saturday and i don't think i'd go back there again 'cos it's so small. i miss my racecourse road noodles...talk about getting overweight.

p.s. go get the jelly from liang court. really yummy.

always not good enough.

perplexed. tired. confused. i don't know what i want.

is it my fault? hate the way i try to think things out, i make myself more confused, in the end nothing gets done but things get worse.

i am so tired. of myself. someone who doesn't know what's good for her, so foolish.

help. my heart's screaming help.

i need a hug.

ever felt so down, you didn't feel like waking up, didn't feel like coming out of bed?
ever felt so down, you didn't care what the hell you're wearing and just go to school?
ever felt so down, you didn't answer any phonecalls or reply any messages?
ever felt so down, you couldn't bathe properly in the bathroom, because you were busy crying?
ever felt so down, you stared at yourself in the mirror, yet couldn't see the tear-stained face?
ever felt so down, you wanted to scream at everyone you saw?
ever felt so down, nothing matters anymore. nothing.

you ever felt really down, then no one bothers about you? it makes you feel resigned that you are just so ever insignificant, it makes no difference to others whether you are there or not.

is it my fault?

Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table
And make sure that your coffee has it's sugar and cream
Your eggs are over easy, your toast done lightly
All that's missing is your morning kiss that used to greet me
Now you say your juice is sour, it used to be so sweet
And I can't help but to wonder if you're talking about me
We don't talk the way we used to talk, it's hurting me so deep
I got my pride, I will not cry
But it's making me weak
I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everythings ok
Boy I am only human

This girl needs more than occasional Hugs as a token of love from you to me
I fought my way through the rush hour trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner will be waiting for you
But when you get there you just tell me you're not hungry at all
You said you'd rather read the paper and you don't want to talk
You're like to think that I'm just crazy when I say that you've changed
I'm convinced I know the problem, you don't love me the same
You're just going through the motions and you're not being fairI got my pride,
I will not cry
Still I can't help but care

I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
But I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be
I give my everlasting love if you return love to me

If you feel it in your heart and you understand me stop right where you are,
everybody sing along with me
I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet
But you got to realize that you've got to be sweeter to me
I need love, I need trust, your love

the english lyrics. the chinese lyrics is basically just answering to this girl's thoughts. gosh, i love this song! so touching.