ever felt frustrated over nothing/you-dunno-what-the-fuck?

i can't sleep. thinking of why i am always thinking of rubbish. can't sleep. don't want to sleep because my brain is still very much alive and thinking eagerly about things.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


frustrated over NOTHING. WHAT NOW?! i'm in the pull-my-hair-and-feel-no-pain state.

grumble grumble. ouch ouch ouch.

moody moody moody moody moody

i wish there was some kind of medication or something along the line to clear my mind for just 5 minutes. i really am too bothered with teeny weeny details of my life and i make them up to be so big it makes me pre-occupied. i feel so silly thinking all NONSENSE that shouldn't bother me at all. i am constantly thinking and thinking i can't stop and it's affecting me and my personality or do i have a thinking personality ohmyfucking brain cannot stop working up its incoherent thoughts i am driving myself so damn crazy i feel sick with myself i need to relax by screaming my bloody lungs out which is so ironic i am so tired of myself fuck fuck fuck i need to be more positive and optimistic and more confident (and less bloody stupid) and less particular of surroundings and less strung up with my environment ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck.

i think i need hypnosis. I AM THINKING AGAIN.

FRUSTRATED.

moody moody moody moody moody

i wish there was some kind of medication or something along the line to clear my mind for just 5 minutes. i really am too bothered with teeny weeny details of my life and i make them up to be so big it makes me pre-occupied. i feel so silly thinking all NONSENSE that shouldn't bother me at all. i am constantly thinking and thinking i can't stop and it's affecting me and my personality or do i have a thinking personality ohmyfucking brain cannot stop working up its incoherent thoughts i am driving myself so damn crazy i feel sick with myself i need to relax by screaming my bloody lungs out which is so ironic i am so tired of myself fuck fuck fuck i need to be more positive and optimistic and more confident (and less bloody stupid) and less particular of surroundings and less strung up with my environment ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck.

i think i need hypnosis. I AM THINKING AGAIN.

MOODY!!!

I AM IMPOSSIBLE!

something is wrong with me.

tsk tsk.

either my life is too mundane, or i have too much time on my hands, or i am one hell of an oddball, or i am oversensitive...

i think too much.

i hate myself for thinking too much, which leads me to thinking wrongly as well.

tsk tsk.

agitated and irritated.

tsk tsk, lynnette, lynnette.

tsk tsk. ERGH.

you know those times when all you wanted to do is to pull your hair our and scream at yourself for being so goddamn -insert negative adjective-.

i hate my father.

HE IS A BIG FAT JERK!

fuck you.

fuck you.

fuck you.

fuck you.

argh. i hate you!

can't believe school's starting soon...i hate the module crap. YUCKS.

fact 1: i hate school.
fact 2: boyfriend's leaving me for more than 1 month, to australia.
fact 3: the army is so cruel.
fact 4: i am going to be all alone from july to august.
fact 5: faced with boring school life.

fact 6: i am wasting life. anyone wants it?

currently reading: more, now, again - sequel to prozac nation, sort of.

from the book, the quote of my life:

no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse.
- ernest lehman, executive suit

there seems to be two sides of this quote, one bright the other gloom (i saw the optimistic side from ken) but i'm the grey cloud that's always threatening to stir up a storm, so i like this quote alot.

by the way, xueting, i love you. :)