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such an odd feeling of denial. no frantic tears or sleepless nights. but neither any coming to terms with reality as well. i'm always going to be twice my maturity, thrice my ability and forever courageous. i have to be braver than lions, stronger than steel and fearless like Hercules.

This is how strong I am. Dad, i miss you but don't you worry, nothing scares me anymore.

feel like bawling.

really really exhausted. how long more?

We'll Be A Dream - We the Kings
Do you remember the nights
We'd stay up just laughing
Smiling for hours
At anything
Remember the nights
We drove around crazy in love

When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream

now i gotta work on me, and deal with it

excuse my recent behaviour, due to the nagging insecurities i get
it's hard when in retrospect i realise things you say suddenly form a picture
a not-so-pretty picture that threatens me
pardon my selfishness, and my subconsicous inability to be convinced by your love
because i'm just not used to having my space invaded
with your what-should-be harmless social interactions
not sure if i made the right decision to open up my soul to you
to show you i'm really not that strong after all
sorry i don't take compliments well and reassurance is somehow undermined
yet i don't want you to be brutally honest with me as well
because sometimes the truth hurts more
right now bear with me please
while i own up to my necessary emotions that i can't help
tell me they are unfounded fears
tell me i shouldn't think more of things you say to me
tell me there's nothing to be afraid of
but, only if you mean it.

tell me, love, what is it that you need
that i haven't been able to give
tell me, love, what is it that you lack
that i didn't notice somehow
is there a chance for me to fight
or none - just me and flight
tell me, love, where's the claim i had
tell me, love, what's wearing me out
on second thought, maybe don't say
because
if i don't have the means to make you stay
i'd be too afraid to leave

rubbish in, rubbish out

in the midst of my spring-cleaning, i realised that i do have abit of a complusive-obsessive disorder. i need almost everything to be dust-free, as much as i can, considering my flat is by the main road and dust settles the moment you wipe it off. i hate fingerprints on my wardrobe mirrors, i feel the need to clean all the crooks and nannies in the room.

what's worse are the make-up items. girls, please clean out the old make-up items and wash all the sponges if you can't throw them out! i found old make-up items that have been sitting around for more than a year, i was so disgusted with myself. i'm not a diligent person when it comes to these things so when you really get down to doing it, let's do it good for once.

feels good throwing stuff away, make space for new revelations.