sun yat-sen and marx have nothing to do with me

it's crazy to admit i love marx because he is rather easy to read and his favourite concept of alienation is exactly how i'm feeling now. but sun yat-sen? only when i had to make do with some silly social thinker of asia, i'm so fucked. i don't care about democracy, nationalism and livelihood!!! my paper is UTTER RUBBISH. i wonder how my tutor will react when she reads like 1300 words of UTTER CRAP. i have no mood to do this paper (or any other paper for that matter) i'm sick of typing and staring at journal after journal i think my eyes are getting crossed i'm just sick of school.

after all what gives the tutors and lecturers the right to determine the grade of my paper? what's the surplus value of education? the school education is an obviously top-down system which i cannot defy because i am only the working class and i have to adopt a retreatist's approach in resistance (by blogging and grumbling) because the top does not find any need to deal with 'callefair' like me. i think i might be allergic to school.

suffering from PMS = Perpetual Mood Swings

blue blue oh so blue!

i am so pissed

this is ridiculous. my dad told me he lost my umbrella and i just started crying my mom had to pacify me like i was some baby. but the point was i ASKED him NOT to take my brolly out. i used it for a while and i left it in the kitchen to dry and he still conveniently brought it out while he was going to get lunch. it was (WAS) a pretty lacey polky-dotty white umbrella that i specially bought from hongkong because i liked it immediately. i specially bought it from hk!!!

the point is not my brolly (well, part of it is), the point is I ASKED HIM NOT TO TOUCH MY UMBRELLA. and he did not take me seriously. it seems trivial, huh? making a mountain out of a molehill, but you don't know how arrogant he is and even made it sound like it wasn't his fault.

i can't stand him. yucks.

fuck this whole thing i'm damn upset.

nobody really bothers anyway

blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah

blah.

there comes a point when you don't really want to make yourself clear anymore, because nobody ever listens anyway.

some things people do just don't make sense.


booblahbleh.

wish you were drunk everyday, at least it seemed like you really meant it.

the more i see the less i know the more i want to let it go

feel like crap.
feel like crap.
feel like crying.

this whole thing is so damn STUPID.
i hate myself.

i hate myself.

learn not to sweat the small stuff pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Ahhhhh.

the more i talk, the less you hear

wish i knew the words to say
to make everything between us okay
wish my clumsy attempts to make you feel better could help
wish i could retrace every wrong move i made
wish you trusted me enough to really talk to me
wish i was good enough to hear everything from your lips

crying for direction
because i lost everything
in your reflection
i'm pretending all's okay
it's alright it's okay
i'll just sleep through
and follow you in my dreams
while the rest of the world spins on
i hope you had a good day
i didn't,
because you weren't here.

give me ice cream anytime

had school from 11-730pm today which is like the longest i've ever ever stayed in school since i don't know when. thank goodness i skipped my 9am lecture, i wouldn't know how to survive otherwise. kenneth come to fetch me despite his tremendous backache *such a darling (: and we went for my long-awaited tom's palette ice cream at shaw towers! we had 4 flavours and i nearly had an overdose of ice cream. they were all nice but they were just too big cups we had to throw away some, anyhow, it was all good! i had chompchomp's beancurd as well, no other beancurd, NO other beancurd beats chompchomp's! guess what, i packed some home too! *grins

icecreammakeslynnetteahappygirl :)



sweet 'o sweet! desserts make meeeee happy!

i saw everything because i'm kaypoh


i'm in the library sitting in front of this couple, the only barrier between me and them is a short glass divider. there is much hushed whispering going on between the both of them, one moment they seem so affectionate, the next moment they are quarrelling and the girl seems to be wiping her tears, this goes on and on, with her hitting him and pushing him and he ignoring her and reprimanding her for something. i feel AWKWARD, i'm trying hard not to look but i can't help it.

the next moment he pats her head and all is well again. they go back to being affectionate. and pda-ing SO BLATANTLY (imagine: lots of pushing and hitting, laughing then pretend-ignoring, and ta-da! the quick peck on the lips) *ugh, double ugh (okay, ugh because i'm all sour grapes alright)

The head-patting is the whole point. the whole ultimate point. no girl, no girl can ever resist a guy patting her head. makes the girl feel all small and girly, and they absolutely melt.

tell me, when a guy pats a girl's head, what's the purpose? and what's he thinking? what does he think of the girl? why does he pat her head?

but when a guy pats a girl's head, all she can do is melt. like really melt. awww...

hopeless romantics. *scoffs
haha.


if you ain't got no money, take your broke ass home
-glamorous, fergie

don't sweat the smallstuff don't sweat the small stuff don't sweat the small stuff don't sweat the small stuff let things go let things go donnnnnnnnn't sweat the small stuff!


AH!

don't. sweat. the. small. stuff. dum. dum.

you can't even scream without having to answer to someone.

give me a chill pill.



I AM SO ________________.

there's from-the-heart effort, there's point-scoring effort and then there's no effort

there are people who genuinely put in effort for people around them, there are people who put in effort plainly just to score points and there are people who just do not bother to make any effort. it's rather unfair to say some people do that little extra just to gain points, because we can never tell the actual intent. but we know we've all been all three at some time.

it doesn't matter if someone had the intention to, the point is no effort was made. period.

i get annoyed when my parents ask 'why so early today'? i really wonder what they want my answer to be. am i supposed to say something like erm it's because i'm such a loser nobody asked me out that's why i'm home answering your neverending questions. i think they had no intention of irritating me and totally mean well but i just need to whine.


unhappy unhappy unhappy i am so not happy ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh therapy therapy therapy i need therapy



which is better -- eight hours of mediocre time together, or two hours of mindblowing events?

xue said

love is...giving him/her the biggest piece of chicken during dinner...GIMME THE WHOLE CHICKEN.




Wahahahahaha.

we all secretly wish for something

something.

it's the process, not the outcome

i had a funfunfun time yesterday with farhan, baoyue, rach, may, sam, ken.

:)




i want to swim away but don't know how
sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
-into the ocean, blue october

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you, yeah ah
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah ah
And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you, yeah ah
And it's the stars that lie
The stars that lie to you, yeah yeah
who are the stars
who are the stars
they lie.
-through glass, stone sour

line of the year (so far)

gary: his hair smells like cabbage!


LOL.

tagged by stan

Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. i lovvvvvveeeeee men in uniform.

2. i think i'm bisexual.

3. my mood SWINGS. like really swings.

4. i put lipbalm before i sleep every night.

5. i have issues with my bust size. (read: i want bigger breasts.)

6. i think i like to think alot, or can't help but think alot.

tagged! --- zawani, carine, shimin, angeline, veron, rachel

lovely jobley

this week, two people fetched me from school! 2 days out of 3, what more can i ask for, haha, everyday?!

*beams

:)


nothing beats having someone fetch you from school after having a looooong day, not having to to lug that immensely heavy bag up the steep slope that de-regulates your mood swings and then having to chase after the bus. what's worse is when you almost reach the bus stop, the bus leaves, leaving you only helplessly cursing under your breath.

but nobody gets the princess treatment all the time

sometimes you get in this rubble, you don't know how this bloody mess came about, it seems like it's your fault and everyone's blaming you for it, and you readily take the blame then you go on this guilt trip thinking what have you done to the people around you, you think everyone's hurting because of you you try to make amends but nobody seems to care you get this helpless shroud surrounding your every action you want to say sorry but nobody seems to want to listen they don't really care and now you end up being the one hurting so much you feel like you don't even have the right to hurt they don't really care they don't want you back they don't want you near and nobody really cares.



if you, if you could return
don't let it burn, don't let it fade
i'm sure i'm not being rude
but it's just your attitude
it's tearing me apart
it's ruining everything
...were you lying all the time
was it just a game to you
-linger, cranberries


please come back soon, i'm running out of things to do to keep from missing you, where are you

there is a bodyguard sitting behind me at the back of the LT, and he looks deliciously good.

Ahhhhh! and he is dressed in pink, you know how one's tan stands out in a pink polo? You do know how one's tan stands out in a pink polo! get the picture get the picture!




just plain bored.

what more can i ask for?

me: use one word to describe me.

ken (without hesitation): fat.

happy 41st month :)

jealous

seems like everyone has been to the jewel box except me!


i want to go toooooooooooooo!

*sulks

the sweet surprise

somebody came all the way to clementi to place a bottle of herbal tea at my doorstep.

hee.

thank you, gary :)

p.s. how many bottles of liangteh do you have in your car?!

listen just listen
to the mangled silence
listen just listen
to the strangled silence,
to the cell phone
that forgot that
it should ring.

you are like a bitter pill to swallow

paper doll

oh my paper wings got ruined in the rain
there was someone with an umbrella
but i knew it wasn't you who came
my eyes are teary, my halo soaked in water
my lace fell off the white dress i made
the little white dress with grey stains
still i wouldn't want to trade
it for anything else
it's so hard to explain
to someone who left in that runaway train.
oh my paper wings got ruined in the rain

that look i saw in you
made me think twice if i did anything
to see that sadness blur your eyes
it's never easy
to keep things unsaid yet
struggling to keep sane
anything, anything
to reduce the hurt hidden behind those smiles
i could sing you a song
and look like a clown
to serenade you
to bring back my sunshine.

from rachel's blog...

"every once in a while, people step up, they rise above themselves. sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. life is funny sometimes. it can push pretty hard. but if you look close enough, you find hope... in the words of children, in the bars of a song, and in the eyes of someone you love. and if you're lucky, i mean, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet the person you love decides to love you back."

oh i don't care about propriety


there's a test tomorrow morning and i haven't even started! i HATE studying.
i need my sugar fix.

no candy lynnette no study :(



Let's go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we'll go too far
We just don't care
We just don't care
We just don't
Let's make love,
let's go somewhere they might discover us
Let's get lost in lust
We just don't care
-p.d.a, we just don't care, john legend

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should
-not ready to make nice, dixie chicks

gary the (unintended) thrill-seeker:

- there was a bus uncle coming out of a stationary bus parked on the right who DIDN'T check for oncoming traffic and almost sent him flying (that was really really really a close shave, stopped breathing and my heart nearly fell out) the funny thing is the uncle was totally OBLIVIOUS to his surroundings, he didn't even realise he almost lost his dear life (he was looking to his right all the time) while we stared on in shock

i was really scared out of my wits when i saw the uncle appeared out of the bus (the bus terminal near the end of marina promenade) all of a sudden, my heart stopped the moment the car braked simultaneously, the uncle was UNAWARE of anything. then came the sense of relief that i did not just witness a "roadkill" and i could only laugh away the spine-chilling encounter but thinking about it now still gives me the shivers, haha. it sounds like a horror movie only this time i witnessed and felt it first-hand. like seriously, the uncle could have died not even knowing what happened because his back was facing us, and it's scary just thinking about it.

WHAT A CLOSE SHAVE.

first it's this then it's that. and i still do not like my dad.

i want to get out.

choosing not to talk about it doesn't discount the fact that the problem is still there.

know that awful feeling, the one where you want to cry but no tears seem to come out and you get this tight choking feeling at the back of your throat?

who will come and say it's okay, it's alright, i'm right beside?

let's run away to a place

where air tastes like the sea

where there's sun and coconut trees

where there's only you and me

bring your smile and your laugh

i'll bring my sense of humour

and we waste time together

one week after another.

takeiteasy takeiteasy takeiteasy takeiteasy takeiteasy.

i shouldn't kick a big fuss out of nothing.
i shouldn't flare up and scream as and when i like.
i shouldn't be throwing tantrums for no reason.
i shouldn't let things, the littlest of things bother me so much.
i shouldn't get so worked up for nothing.
i should TAKE IT EASY.

hush hush. oh my goodness, i really should just relax.

i hate it when people feel obliged towards me.


sometimes you feel so moody you just need someone to be there, the someone doesn't even have to be talking to you, but more often than not, there's nobody.

i want to bury myself in some hole and never surface again. at least that gives me reason to be alone, feel alone and feel lonely.



is it me?

Way Back Into Love by Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett
Soundtrack of Music and Lyrics
Movie by Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on
I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh
I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there

There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere
I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that
I’ll be there for you in the end


all i'm asking you
is don't write me off just yet
-don't write me off, hugh grant

turning tables

now you're lying for fun
faking the way you hold me
letting me fall for every single word you say
i'll still hear each promise you make
and hang on each one
to get by everyday
thinking you're still with me
i'm a fool i'm a fool
tonight i will try
but still it's you i can't deny


you say i've hurt you
but baby, say it again like you mean it
because when you lift up your shirt
there's no wound there's no wound
let's compare and contrast
like a dagger your words pierce right through me
baby you say i've hurt you
but how come i'm feeling the pain

it's scary how people can easily read you like an open book. things that come out from people's mouths just hit you on the spot, to the point you feel helpless. seems like alot of people can read my thoughts so simply, i think others know me far better than myself.


you're the recurring kind, the recurring kind in my mind


it's you
you kill me with uncertainty
and add on paranoia
they sum up to my little fears
it's you who make me scared
who makes me confused with every jab
now i find no more peace
yet it's funny how i still look to you for release


ken sent me this wonderful song which i absolutely love:

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground,
And I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms
-set fire to the third bar, snow patrol

i'd run 200 miles to be nearer to you

and run another 200 to see you

and a last 200 miles

to fall down on your doorstep

hoping you'll be there to catch me.

you learn alot about people when you listen to songs that mean alot to them.

she put her heart to sleep
because she didn't want to be hurt too deep
sorry if she's never let you in
perhaps only tell you where's she's been
when she's had too much to drink
you say you don't care
and just let her cry
maybe you really just don't care
and should just let her cry.


a first class ticket to a night alone, and a front row seat by the phone.

and i hurt myself, by hurting you

if there's one thing i could do
to alleviate the pain you're going through
i would
if there's one thing i could say
to lessen the hurt i put you through
i would
it didn't occur to me how wrong i was
until i saw your eyes
bore right into the guilt of my soul
until i heard the anguish in your voice
like a prolonged sting
you're really getting to me