you don't realise until you feel it

you know, there are these kind of friends where you always can pick up where you left off the last time, although it might have been a long time ago. there are these kind of friends where you can talk about anything under the sun. there are these kind of friends.

sam, remember to come back!

:)




you're such a sly one with a cold cold heart
maybe leaving came easy, but it tore me apart
time heals all wounds they say and I should know
'coz it seems like forever, but i'm letting you go
-almost over you, sheena easton

the nights have been so lonely
only left with the troubles you gave me
how do you make it so simple
to say something now
and mean another later
it doesn't help when every song
on the radio reminds me of you
when each time i lie down in bed
i see passing shadows of cars
and imagine it might be you
but it can never be
because you were never really there to begin with.

all i want to do
is to seal what we have now with
a simple kiss
so that we'll never have to lose
what we pieced together
it just felt so right
to be with you all night
i don't care what they think
or what they see
i just want you to love me
for all the good times and the bad
i won't deny there've been times so sad
i just wanted to stay mad
but seeing you try so hard
made me all so touched
i just want you to love me
i just want to love you.

out of sight out of mind

been having dizzy spells and nausea recently. and stoning spells as well. sometimes i just stare into space unknowingly and i don't even know what's on my mind. like spaced out unconsciously. perhaps it's due to lack of sleep and proper sleep. i don't like it. while there are times when i just feel like doing nothing and just space out for a long long time. it can be quite therapeutic, but it just sucks when you get hit back awake into reality. the snap back into real life just SUCKS.

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. anyone agrees? i would think it's more like out of sight out of mind, into the heart of another female kind. hahaha. i think it applies more to guys, when they sort of stop seeing and meeting the girl they're fond of, they start forgetting all about her and fixate their attention on something else. or somebody else, for that matter.

people who raise your hopes are usually the ones who break them. knowing and realising are two different things. like you're already expecting something to happen, but when it really happens, it just gets to you. maybe having expectations sort of reduces or increases the real pain. maybe.


and on a lighter note,

gary was so sweet to come all the way to nus to fetch me today :)

ken brought me to theicecreamgallery at valleypoint along river valley road with david and yicheng. their bestseller is the d24durian ice cream, i could detect it the moment we stepped in, what more given my spoilt nose. i'm not a fan of durian so i tried other flavours, which were also delicious! :)




david's earl grey fig ice cream which was very distinct and special. not something you get out of an ice cream flavour.


yicheng's summer berries ice cream which is absolutely heavenly...


and mine - earl grey fig ice cream and peach melba (p.b wasn't really that heavenly but i like it because it was pink and yellow :)




dave and yc.

as usual ken didn't have any. he is not exactly an ice cream fan which makes me feel all the more spoilt that he actually bothers finding out all these dessert places just for me :)

ken made me a happy girl!

wish i could tell you
i'm done believing you
but each time you open that honey jar
i can't help but fall deeper in
you were the one who started this story
now you won't even complete this melody
and leave me staring into space,
wondering why this happened in the first place
does it help now i'm waiting,
waiting in vain
for someone who won't even stay.



and i tried and tried
to say what's on my mind,
you should have known
-listen, beyonce

Your Birthdate: October 4

You don't love lightly. For you, love is always a serious undertaking.However, you are able to love many types of people. You can bring out the best in almost anyone.Love surprises you often. You never know when or where you'll find it next. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 2 You are most compatible with people born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st of the month.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanforyourlovelifequiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

hush, hush darling

as i sit and bury my head
to hide these falling tears
i don't want to hear your voice
because what your voice tells me
is going to hurt deep
yet i'm too scared to be alone
don't bother to explain
don't add to the pain
what else helps
when the one who keeps you sane
is the one who's leaving?



don't speak
i know just what you're saying
so please stop explaining
don't tell me 'cos it hurts
-don't speak, no doubt

read this carefully


when the person you seek comfort in sorrow cause of other stuff becomes the cause, you only have yourself to seek condolence from.


how true.

for the first time in my life

i'll be spending the first night of lunar new year at mos ! my first time going clubbing during cny, partly because it's free entry for all as well. *why the hell did i go around telling people i wanted to quit clubbing...i meant i want to club less.


while flipping the mag at the hair salon...

love comes when manipulation ends, when you think of the person, rather than his reactions towards you.

if you're lucky, he'll not be the first and last thing on your mind

if i could
i'd want to memorise your smile
so that i can bring it with me wherever
i'd want to put you in my pocket
not sure where i'll be going
but at least you're with me inside

i don't know what's the price to pay
for being with you just one day
i just want to lay my head on your shoulder
plant your lips against mine

i guess i don't know what i want
because other times i wish
you would look at me
the way you did to her

let's stop thinking about tomorrow
let me just love you for a little while more.

pretense, all comforting, is only a temporary pill.

grateful

always willing to pick me up from one place to another although we're not even meeting, always willing to fetch me home after my night out in the wee hours, always being there. thank you kenneth.

love from 嫩嫩，:)

old is...

when you get to know people at clubs and then you ask them how old are they...they turn out to be a good 2 years younger...girls and boys. OUCH.

happy wellentine day

Q1. Do you have a valentine?
- i think so.

Q2. Do u want a valentine ?
- i think so. can i have a few, just in case?

Q3. What if no one asked u out on Valentine's day ?
- i don't know. have my own pity party with other self-pity wallowers. anyone interested?

4. What if ur favourite guy/girl that u've been crushed on for years asked uout on Valentine's day?
- i'd think it's April Fool's instead.

Q5. If yes, what if u already have another date that u suddenly remember on that same day ?
- well, i can always make time for both! :)

Q6. What if ur bf/gf cannot go out with u on valentine's day ?
- refer to qn 3 answer.

Q7. What will u do if u saw ur your bf/gf going out with another person on valentine's day instead of u?
-i'd make sure he sees me with another person as well...

Q8. Your parents locked you up in your room for the whole day at valentine'sday. You're all alone. How will you feel?
- puzzled. surely they don't feed and clothe me for the rest of their lives?

Q9. Your parents insist of bringing you out on valentines day for the whole day and you can't spend the day with your lover, what will you do?
-2 options. 1, escape. 2, leave home.

Q10. Where will you wish to have your valentine's day celebrated at?
- somewhere nice and quiet and secluded. with absolutely nobody but us. oh yes, preferably with aircon and no mozzies as well.

happy wellentine's day!

happy 21st birthday min!

lots of xoxo. i loveeee you.

have a blast later! :)


of course, happy v-day to all!

i need

1. retail therapy
2. the toys 'r us therapy
3. ice cream therapy
4. the couch potato therapy (i don't care if it's hbo, dvds, star movies, mtv, channel 55, vcds, espn highlights even just whatever)
5. give-me-a-hug-for-no-reason therapy
6. sob sessions (5 and 6 usually comes together...)
7. vice, any form of vice that comes to mind (you know why people turn to vice, because they need to know that they're doing wrong consciously, and vice-indulgence gives you to right to be wrong, something you can't do in reality)
8. the get-rid-of-all-my-communications-devices therapy (somebody keep my handphone, computer, pen and paper, just sew my mouth)
9. the please-sayang-me therapy
10. to disappear for a while.

ewan macgregor and nicole kidman

Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I'm loving you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song
I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

from rachel

"forget the risk and take the fall."


then where and when would i land? who's going to save me in the nick of time?

thanks

for making me feel alot less important than i already am. if you had family commitments go ahead. STOP saying you want to see me when you bloody don't. stop saying things you don't mean. you stood me up not once, not twice, and surprise surprise THRICE. and don't keep asking me to join your family for dinner. try joining MY family for dinner as an outsider, how do you think you'd feel? sure i've spoken to your siblings sometime, but i just don't feel comfortable joining you guys for dinner supper whatever. i can't imagine how you tell me things and do another. the things you say just don't reconcile with the things you do. of course you hope i'll understand that you'd want to spend time with your family, but PLEASE don't say you'd meet me when you can't. and you only had to let me know today when we were supposed to meet today. i can't imagine why you'd do this. you call me up specially to ask me out all these times and each time you're the one who can't make it in the end. and i always try to make it because i want to meet you because i know you'd will be leaving very soon. but each time we can;t get to meet up because of some stupid excuse that you come up with. and SORRY's don't help if you had to say it a second or third time.

you wouldn't even make the effort.
you can't say something and do another that's the total opposite.

why do they always marginalise me?
why do they always say things and do another? it's like people are doing this on purpose to hurt you.

i hate it when i let people affect me so much. i don't even know why i should be so affected.

i feel so stupid i want to disappear for good.

guilty as charged

we were playing bridge and i got rather engrossed and let out some expletive extremely loud. and it didn't help that the guys kept reprimanding me. i feel so embarrassed. so much for wanting to stop swearing.

i must stop using expletives.
i must stop using expletives.
i must stop.

ken says i'm toooooo fat. but he's been so sweet to keep fetching me from one place to another this week i think i'm going to forgive him this time. and then hide in my bathroom and cry.

sugar is my comfort food.

it's funny how you

make me feel this way

without you now,

there is less to say

what if i asked,

would you stay,

or is it just one last kiss

before you leave?

voyueristic and bored

there are this two HIMBOS beside me in the com lab. they are the perfect replicas of female gossipmongers (i.e. himbos). their conversations go like this:

himbo 1: did you cut your hair?
himbo 2: no, it's getting longer.
himbo 1: it looks better like that.
himbo 2: you mean what? like that? no so flat is it?
himbo 1: yup. my hair is quite 'pong'.

himbo 1: you know just now we made friends in the tutorial. then they ask us why are we quarrelling.
himbo 2: why? you all quarrelled?
himbo 1: no la, i just teased her and she keep asking me things i just went ahhh ahhh ahhh ok.
himbo 1: then they asked us if we're together.
himbo 2: then what you say?
himbo 1: no la.
himbo 2: soon la, soon.
himbo 1: no la, siao. she so fickle. "fair-dap" la. (think he was secretly smiling, with my pheripheral vision, haha)

exactly like a female conversation. i'm not saying i don't talk like that, but it feels so weird hearing two big tall boys engaging in such mindless banter, like where to shop (they do it at queensway), what to do with your hair, my love life is ongoing but never existent. it's SO female and absolutely bimbotic.

HAHA.

melt -- the world cafe

they have these FAB.U.LOUS desserts, like drawers and drawers of desserts. it was a buffet but i just devoured all the desserts. ken brought me there because i am such a sucker for all the sweet goodies. it's so pricey at about 68 per person, but the desserts are heavenly! especially the strawberry mousse cake! but as usual i was being a total klutz ( i mean, being me) i had such a hard time pushing the drawer in after taking the desserts, i just yanked the whole stupid drawer in. absolute klutz. i think nobody saw. i think. i would have taken alot more photos but i was too busy indulging myself. :)

things you do when you're bored

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

got this from wani. i simply like doing these brainless tasks. :)

from more, now, again by elizabeth wurtzel (the sequel to prozac nation that i've been reading for months and months and still haven't finished)

"but it doesn't matter anymore. i do drugs to do drugs. my loneliness, my self-pity, my romantic failures -- those were all excellent reasons to pick up dope in the first place."

i desperately need a new phone.

the power of socialisation

me: can you sit properly, you're a girl you know!
tutee: i'm not a girl i'm a boy.
me: but you like pink what.
tutee: who say boy cannot like pink? my father like pink!
me: -stumped-

the moment that sentence came out of my stupid mouth, i just wanted to hit myself. a sociology student perpetuating gender stereotypes on a young child, i'm just run-of-the-mill after all! all that crap about wanting to debunk idealistic norms!


babel

despite its countless nominations i didn't find it all impressive. i'm sure people thought it was well-thought that they could link four totally different storylines into one plot, i just found the four stories didn't connect. it gave me the impression it was desperately trying to pile on its stories. seemed like it was having a hard time trying to integrate the four stories smoothly. perhaps it was abit cold? it wasn't thematic successfully because it was rather confusing. but the camerography was sharp in its scenes and cinematography was superb because the scenes were still well-structured despite some storytelling complexities.

p.s. in case you don't know already, i absolutely hate myself. yucks.