got this from wani. hmm...

some people just irritate the hell out of you. and you try to be nice to them and all at first until they finally get on your nerves...you just feel like shouting in their face, 'get lost'. but being Miss Nice, i don't. and instead i blog the irritation away.

i am SUCH a loser. Ugh.

i miss..

the school days. going to school everyday was actually therapeutic, if you realise. so many things to look forward to, thinking back...i know this is the n-th time i've blogged about this and i can't help it...at least, we were much free-er during school days, and we didn't have to indulge in intoxication to rid of all the bugging emotions, we had each other! it's girlfriend therapy you know! SERIOUS, just think, no need to keep all those emotions pent up, straight away when you see your girlfriends, you can release all the unhappiness (or happiness for that matter), it's HEALING.

1. "aunty, mi-fen 4 bao, 1 bao bu yao la, 1 bao yao la, 2 bao jia la"
2. macdonalds at 7.25am.
3. skipping lit for thai horror flicks.
4. "lynn, you want share blueberry tea? i at bp."
5. skipping econs. no reason. just had to skip econs.
6. tcc-ing at hv with the intended purpose of studying...
7. "twin towers! wo jin tian you mei you tai badge?"
8. furiously scribbling away in our paper4 bibles.
9. i don't know why this class always got in some kind of trouble. meeting the vp for a heart-to heart-talk, 'a2 can go to hell', the gp teacher almost had to leave his job (was it?), tsk tsk.
10. "don't go pe laaaaaaaaaaa! ask james they all help us mark attendance la!!!"

remind me! just want to reminisce.

playing all coy

some people tend to downplay their emotions in relationships, keeping an aloof distance as a defense against getting hurt. why can't we all just relax and have fun? and stop worrying?!

because we just can't.

what's what

in tutorial today...

xy: you like pink is it?
me: uh...yes...why, bimbotic is it?
xy: haha, it's just obvious.
me (taken aback): i like black also.
xy: that's not very obvious.

so, is it obvious that i like pink, or that i'm a bimbo?


If I could be sweet I know
I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape, I wanna get away, to our sweet escape
- the sweet escape, gwen stefani

Hahaha. "girls who like to have fun" - what, fun is defined as getting drunk?!

Hahaha - embarrassed laughter!

is the criteria the same for those you date the same for those you marry?

today's family tutorial was rather interesting, on the topic of Mr/Miss Right. will Mr Alright-for-now become Mr Right eventually? and my tutor mentioned that female arts grads will marry engineering grads in the end, according to the theory of proximity, since engine school is just opposite arts faculty. ahhhhhh!

according to the class, no.1 non-negotiable in finding a boyfriend/girlfriend:

communication.

but i've never thought of ticking off a criterion list when looking for a partner, what's more, i'm sure alot of people out there are never always on the lookout for potential boy/girlfriends, it's just the ''click of the moment''. it's so weird isn't it, kind of tribal and barbaric if we're on the constant hunt for a partner, no?

it's chemistry. it just happens, doesn't it?

p.s. the episode on the channel 8 9pm drama today is SO SAD. i'm so not a fan of tcs dramas, but it's so sobby today and tomorrow, i want to watch! all that love triangle or hexagon for that matter, i-will-take-on-that-speeding-car-and-sacrifice-my-legs-for-you kind of soap opera, i like! sniff, sniff. and qi yiwu and jeanette aw are so matching!

1 day late but...




happy 21st, yiwei!

why i don't like kenneth:

he couldn't find me in coldstorage then he went around calling, "fatty bom bom where are you?"

happy birthday, vainpot.

:)

laugh at this:

the word of the day is "LEGS",
let's go my place now and spread the word.


HAHAHA.

if you want the rainbow, you must first embrace the rain

sometimes no matter how much you love someone,

they just can’t love you back in the same way

-grey’s anatomy

but of course, the positivist would say that doesn't mean they don't love you.

the comfort zone





someone got me a surprise today. :)

bar baa black chic

is a small club with a really nice chill-out area. it has this cosy atmosphere, only that it's kind of small. they have these beady curtains which i absolutely dig (you know how nice it feels to run them through your fingers), and upstairs they have thebalcony-like bed-tables. the only thing is that its location is rather inconvenient, it's further up towards bugis from tekka mall, on perak road.

and yes, i like the smell of matchsticks when you light them up. like the ''after-smell' of fireworks. and also, petroleum. they sort of make you go a teeny bit lightheadedly happy!

the rain keeps me indoors. when it's a saturday afternoon when people are supposed to be out and about. i get distressed when i'm inappropriately wet. really. ugh.


if you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
there's an awful lot of breathing room
but i can hardly move
if you're gone - baby you need to come home
'cuz there's a little bit of something me
in everything in you
-if you're gone, matchbox twenty

back to school (and trying to keep sane)

means more work, less play, more work and LESS PLAY. i try not to be so hedonistic (according to my dad, i'm a pleasure-seeker) but SCHOOL IS SLAVERY. and if it's not fun, why do it?

i don't care i don't want to study i don't want to study i hate school i hate studying i don't want to study i don't want to buy textbooks (gasp!) i don't want to do my readings i hate the stupid stupid coursepacks I HATE SCHOOL. period.

plus plus, adding to my joy, squeezing with the morning and evening crowds on the good old bus 96 gives me an adrenaline rush every time. you don't know how it excites me to get on the bus together with other sweaty bodies hugging textbooks and laptops. incredibly snug. WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO TAKE BUSES? ARGH.

i have a very packed mon to wed timetable. how to survive? but i have webcast lectures on fridays - which means i have a 3-day week. woohoo, i love free fridays!

bother bother bother whine whine whine

why my life is a mess:

1. my laptop touchpad is not working anymore because i dropped the laptop. i am totally reliant on my mouse now. BOTHER.

2. i got some tutorial that clashes with theatre practical. MORON must be my middle name. i am so dumb i want to kick myself. now i have to do manual registration and i HAVE to get it. my lack of intellect really...amazes me sometimes.

3. i got a talking-to from my mother when she saw the credit card bill. enough, i don't think anyone needs anymore details. i must save my pockets in order to save myself. AHHHHHHH.

4. got lessons at 9am later and i am still as awake as an owl. how to get up?

5. i was born a mess. waaaahhhhhh.


don't get me wrong baby
i'll love to, more than anything else,
to have you return by my side again
when i'm with you
it's almost impossible to think of anyone else
plus, i love it when you smile your smile
and i so badly want to talk to you
it's only, i think,
i cannot handle the pain again
like that time when you walked away,
walked away from me
because in the end,
you're still going to anyway.


and though love sometimes hurts
i still put you first
and we'll make this thing work
but i think we should take it slow
- ordinary people, john legend

"you can't fail if you never give up"

i watched the movie the last kiss on the plane. i think it's a pretty decent movie, it's so easy to digest with the flux of emotions you can relate to, from cheating boyfriends who cheat more than once, to having totally spontaneous sexual encounters with people (risque!), to sudden deaths, that sort of thing. plus, there were more than few moments where the dialogue really called out to me, i don't know about others. i kind of like the ending, because the movie didn't show if the relationships worked out in the end. isn't that the thing about relationships, you never really know if they really work out, or come to a standstill eventually, they just fluctuate unexpectedly.


it's not the number of 'i-love-you's you tell her, because
"what you feel only matters to you. it's what you do to the people you love. that's what matters. that's the only thing that counts."

i totally don't feel like going on this trip.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i hate him i hate him i hate him.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

oh my gosh. i want to die. the freaking flight is at fucking 630pm why the hell must i be there 2 hours early?! OH MY GOODNESS. i won't frigging miss the stupid plane! he keeps bugging me to leave early but what the fuck?! this is FREE AND EASY what the hell am i going to do if i reach the airport at 430pm?! i want to do things at MY own pace at MY own time of MY own will why the hell are you trying to get a piece of my life?!

i am going to check in at 530pm.
i don't want to go with him i don't want to go with him i wish i had the guts to fucking forgo the whole thing and stay here.

FREE AND FARAWAY FROM YOU. i don't want to be a monster's daughterrrrrr!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

whatever is meant to be with work out perfectly

keep holding on

'cause you know we'll make it through,

we'll make it through

just stay strong

'cause you know i'm here for you,

i'm here for you

theres nothing you can say,

nothing you can do

theres no other way when it comes to the truth

-keep holding on, avril lavigne

my fellow whore.

i'm a complete waste of time.

only when you've lost everything, then you're free to do anything.

meanwhile, jt and c.diaz have broken up. after dating for more than 3 years. sheesh.






the more I see the less I know
the more I like to let it go
deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder
where it's so white as snow
privately divided by a world so undecided
and there’s nowhere to go
- snow (hey oh), red hot chilli peppers

i'm empty and aching and i don't know why

i'm in love
but with what i don't know
i'm mad
but at what i don't know
all i know is i've been waiting
waiting at the streets
for you to come
waiting in my bedroom
for you to call
waiting alone
so you can come and tell me
i'm here it's okay
but as far as i know
you never show up.

rain, gloom, doom

rain makes everything moody. and makes it bothersome to go out. yet it's nice to laze around to watch raindrops fall with music.

but thank goodness for drive-thru and a willing (i think) boyfriend: the convenience of being able to have dinner and not having a single drop of rain on your skin from your doorstep and back home again!



'cause i love you, whether it's wrong or right
and though i can't be with you tonight
you know my heart is by your side
-if you're not the one, daniel bedingfield

100 strokes of the brush before bed

watched melissa p. , the fictitious erotic novel made into a film. i don't think the film made any justice to the book, although i haven't read it, but it seems like it could have been better. particularly didn't like the last scene where melissa was made to look like she was committing suicide by jumping off a cliff, but later when she emerged again swimming upshore. i cannot stand endings of rejuvenation or rebirth, make me go all rolling eyes again. in the book, she continued carrying out her sexual fantasies and games but the movie seemed like it was in need of upholding some moralistic sense, as usual!

but the scenes were quite polished overall. there was a scene where the lead had to 'service' 5 boys orally and the director adopted this cold and detached atmosphere. i don't think there was any deliberate attempt to titillate the audience's fancy, unlike some racy low-cost lolita productions.
the entire movie was surrounded by the obvious theme of feminism. male leads were shown as merely sex-charged (of course) characters.

i need to read the book soon! i have alot of unread or half-read books collecting dust in my room...i want to read and watch a clockwork orange, but i think i'll be quite frightened watching it alone!

i'm lost without you - blink 182

I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now
I can hear footsteps
I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

I'm lost without you

this could be nothing, but i'm willing to give it a try

please give me something,

'cos someday i might know my heart.

- you give me something, james morrison

kenneth, you are such a fucking whore. wahahahaha.

if.

if i had a chance to go back

i'd kiss you more and hold you closer

i'd memorise everything you said

and keep it near to me

i'd tell you how nice it is

to see you smile

i'd let you know

everything left unsaid now

if i had a chance to go back

i would find you sooner and faster

so i could love you longer.

the only constant is change


it's the confessions that are holding me back
now matter how much i try
i don't think you're going to believe
but still i want to let you know
nothing compares to you
no one comes close
to making me laugh so hard,
smile so much,
yet hurt so fast,
you'll just be my best kept secret
now change your number
but don't change your name
'cos i want to make sure
i won't fall in love
with the same person again.


all that lives is born to die.

when things go awry
wish it could have been me beside you
when i see a beautiful sight
wish you could have been right next me
to share whatever i've seen
after all these time
never thought we could have been here
so near yet so far
i would have loved you more
if i could
but this is reality and life is dead
wish i could love you
with all i've got.



i want to pull away when the dream dies,
the pain sets in but i don't cry
i only feel gravity and i wonder why
- why do all good things come to an end, nelly furtado

she is the one

who knows me inside out
who finishes my sentences for me
who speaks those words i can't find
who talks too much
who doesn't need me to speak a word
and yet know exactly how i feel

to the biggest whore, no, i mean bestest girlfriend, in the world, second to none...


you remain me constantly why we are inseparable.
and we are best friends because if we were sisters our parents wouldn't be able to handle us.

even though you are such a busy bitch you still make time for me.

i love you to bits.




i got my best friend, but where's the cute boy???

ouch

it's no big deal really.

or so they say.

and if you leave me now, oh just leave me now,
it's the better thing to do
-the pieces don't fit anymore, james morrison

bugger off

remind me never to let it out to anyone anymore.




one heart, multiple aches.

ouch.


for every piece that wants you,
another piece backs away
- you give me something, james morrison

just so random is good

all i want to do now:

drink myself silly to delirium.

intoxicate for temporal delight!

when i think happiness
i think of that time right beside you
how you sent all those blue teary woes away
it's nice to believe all these will last
but since love is a beautiful myth
it's okay for now
when you think happiness
i hope you think of my head on your chest,
my fingers in between yours
i hope it brings you back to that time when
we were oblivious to the whole world
when you think happiness
i hope you think of me.

got this handphone holder from everland, it's incredibly cute. only that putting anything in the uber cute cup will spoil it. the cup is made up of beads, giving this nice beady aka mogu feel to it. but it cost a good USD 6. we got a few more absolutely cute toys but when i opened the shopping bag only this cup was left...my mum gave the others all away! :(

i have absolute no use for it but it's just so cute!

it just doesn't feel right visiting the amusement park with your mum. it's supposed to be a romantic place where you can have loads of fun and revel in each other's company.

oh, well!

need to get a couple of nice cushions to hug.


AHHHHHHHH.

mood swings - deal with them.

maybe the alterego subconsiously wants to use the cushions to smother herself.

omfg, kill me.

meanwhile

i need a drink badly.

at 11.30pm

on my way home just now i saw chonglong. he gave me a new year hug.

and my mum looked on. (in amazement i think, not so much of shock)

and later asked, "who is he, how come he hug you?"

hahahaha. the expression on her face was...um...priceless. hahahaha.

and the first thing he said was, ''how come you're back so early?'' :(

argh. double argh.

for the new year

i'm not smart but i work hard :)

sometimes you hold on so tight
it still slips right through
so many things change
but they all remain shortlived.


i do what i want, but i can't hide,
i won't go, i won't sleep, i can't breathe
until you're resting here with me

-here with me, dido