what girls think (in my opinion, at least)

it's not about what kind of chocolate, it's about who gives the chocolate.

tee-hee.


:)

i hate my father.


ARGH!!!


moody moody moody.


where is my cure for moodiness? i need you.

somehow.

we fall in love like shooting stars and autumn leaves
so fast but we hardly ever last.

maybe you could tell me,
it's tearing you apart,
it's keeping you from falling asleep at night
like it is for me.

in this place today,
people hardly mean what they say,
i'm one of the exceptions,
when i say,
i like you alot.

it's not right

the lights go on dim

all she thinks of is him

like a secret not so well-hidden.


tell me, nod your head,
if you've changed your plans,
tell me, shake your head,
if you don't like me anymore.
i can't keep on guessing.
but don't smile at me,
i won't be able to leave then.


no darling,
why would i be mad at you
we weren't even started to begin with
i only wished you could have been the one
i could count on in the end,
you really looked the part
i only wished i could have been the one
you would lean on at the end,
i thought you felt it as well
but now,
it's okay,
let me take my time,
to take your picture,
out of my mind.

quote from forbidden city

kate to george: i like you more than i'm comfortable with, and that frightens me.

now, how's that?

happy 20th, sam!


:) 

Grrrrrr.

i typed an entire entry but it disappeared. how reliable is blogger.

Happy 20th, sam! :)

anyway the summary goes:

i bought a pair of berms at $70. with no intention of shopping in the first place. i was only waiting for my mom then i took a few clothes to try then in the fitting room i struggled with myself and the price tag then before you knew it i had an extra bag on my arm.

and the irony is: my mom later tried it on so coincidentally and said it was nice but too expensive. and i daren't tell my mom i already bought it for myself. and i'm not telling, she will probably just find it in the closet.

i just hope it looks as good in my BEDROOM just as it did in the fitting room. you know what i mean?

I AM BROKE. SO DAMN BROKE. BROKE. BROKE.

somebody, bring me out for supper. i don't want to stay in this place. i HATE him. i hate him i hate him. HE IS SUCH AN ASS.

pictures of forbiddencity and sam's20th:

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2101398995

best friends are sisters destiny forgot to give you.
 

don't you

i want to be the kind of girl he stays up all night thinking of,
wakes up in the morning missing,
the girl that he tells his friends saying
'i think i like her alot'.

a tired soul wasn't what i wanted from this
a broken heart wasn't what i expected from you
or maybe it's just me not so much you
i wanted to write a story of sunshine and love
but now that you've left
how do i end

ROAR.

i am so agitated.

you brought a bag of stars along
they're all for me, you claimed
you poured them all over me
and made me a paradise
but these all vanished
when you suddenly left
me all alone in the twilight lane
thinking of you through and through
knowing you'd never do the same.

i want a boy
who would shove ice cream in my face
who would wrestle with me
who shows me off to his friends & family
who treats me with respect
who would call me at four in the morning,
just to tell me that he can't stop thinking about me
who sings to me, even if he can't
who could break my heart,
but would never even dream of it.

got this off someone's xanga site.

happy three treasures

- we slept for 3 hours in the afternoon.
- went queensway for to do some alterations.
- went tiongbahru for dinner. at 9pm.
- we ate and ate and ate. till we were bursting at the seams.

- we went to changi point to see the aeroplanes take off. it's a really long stretch of road, too bad we didn't stop somewhere to watch the planes properly. it's so nice, it's that place where you know those tv drama, they look at the plane in the sky and talking about their unrequited love who's going overseas for good and hope we meet again or something, you get the picture. Haha.

- we went changi beach (i think) to look at some more planes flying over our heads. it's very very 'romantic' and cooling, but there were alot of people. you can play the swings and relive your childhood! how nice!
- then we headed to one fullerton to walk the bridges, and the underpasses, to see the merlion( how tourist-y do i sound like). i wanted to soak my feet in the seawater but it was really high tide and the seats were too wet. you have no idea how impressed i am with the boyfriend for knowing which places to bring me. i felt like i was in some drama serial!

- we went to fort canning later, supposedly to find the 'military structures' but i found none. we wanted to explore the battle box but it's opened only during specified times. the place looked abit scary but plenty of fun! we walked downslope uphill everywhere. hot, warm, spider webs everywhere but happy.

- then i bugged my 车王 ( hee.) to bring me to the infamous 99 turns around kent ridge, but of course, everything in singapore is exaggerated. i tried counting (yes, i did, sort of.) but it didn't reach 99 at all, it somehow got lost at 13, 14? i even put on jay's song to have the initial'd drifting feel, but i think ken thought i was pure silly. Haha. we went up the 'pasir panjang battle site' only to find a pathetic tank up there. BUT GUESS WHAT. kent ridge park has a SUPER nice view up there, better than Mt. Faber! we wanted to get down, but there were quite a few people in the park, and the park was quite small. it's really a good place for a quiet date and a fantastic night scenery. i want to go there again!

we'd planned to go sentosa for a away-from-the-city date initially, but this turned out SO MUCH better! so if you want to do something different, visit all the parks in singapore, but make sure you've got enough petrol! :)

你的爱很像泡沫，太轻或太重，都不在手中。
我的爱就向天空，太放或太收，你都只是风。

-我会好好过，李玖哲

Gabrielle - Sunshine

Made a wish, I can dream
I can be what I want to be
Not afraid to live my life
And fulfil my fantasies
I learnt a lot of tricks to help me live my life
You helped me find my paradise
When you came I saw
Sunshine through my window
That's what you are
My shining star
Sunshine
Making me feel like I'm on top of the world
Telling me I'll go far

Reaching out, for the highs
You inspired me to try I felt the magic inside
And I felt that I could fly
I'm looking at the world in an optimistic light
You made me appreciate my life
'Cos when you came you were my

Sunshine through my window
That's what you are
My shining star
Sunshine
Making me feel like
I'm on top of the world
Telling me I'll go far
You are the calm
I am the storm
You are the breeze that carries me on
When I said a truth
You wink at me
You're there for me

haven't had so much fun for a long time

buttons in phuture make you go crazy. i almost couldn't believe it, i stayed almost the whole night at phuture, something i've never done before! i used to hate phuture 'cos it's so cramped and stuffy, but buttons in phuture make you feel happy. so there goes! i think i'm getting a teenyweenybit(just abit only) sick of mambo. and buttons in phuture make you feel happy. repeat.

addicted.

Slutface!

don't you ever learn?

i think i've internalised pessimism. you know when something awful happens, you use pessimism to justify everything, like 'no big deal, my life has always been like that.' pessimism serves as some kind of defence mechanism for my emotions, so that i'd feel less affected.

pessimism has become a comfort zone, may says.

someone just told me that i look like ''that kind of sunshine girl''.

Haaaaa.

all the kinds of wrong impressions, make you feel guilty that you're on a constant low-down, i feel like i sort of have to live up to something, i don't know what. i hate to affect people around me with my negative emotions, so i'll try be smiley and open and carefree, but i have to return to my 'comfort zone' ultimately. it gets tiring after a while. i'm sorry if i've affected anyone in feeling so awful, but all i want to do is to make all of you SMILE (:, bloody cliched this sounds, but true lah!

i like to make people happy, i mean who doesn't? go ahead, tell people they've got a nice outfit/hairstyle/bag/makeup today, make their day. so simple. hopefully it makes yours too.

:)

i want to be a sunshine girl.
:(
:)
:D

you're making me a bundle of nerves
just letting me wait for your calls
i try not to show
but each time the phone rings
i spring up only to fall harder
because always it's not you
every time it's never you

do you feel insignificant sometimes...?

stanley, make sure you bring a truck next time. you promised.

complexity of relationships

samuel says:

the scales will always be tilted.


how true.

with girlfriends like these, who needs the opposite gender?

i do. :(

that aside, i had a WHOLE BUCKET of fun last night. korean food is heaven-sent, everyone should be a fan, it's double yumyum! then we drove to sentosa, thinking it's free but we ending paying 8 bucks, $6 for three of us and $2 for the good old car......you need money EVERYWHERE ANYTIME in singapore. sentosa at night is so fun, considering we had a trusty tour guide to bring us around. :) and of course another trusty driver! i'm the only one doing nothing except complaining about music playing on radio and guarding the bags in the backseat. :)

photos are unglam unglam unglam but we are all not 'cai', so never mind ok! HAHAHA. :)

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2101847702

p.s. i hate my hair. and my as-big-as-a-pizza face. and my as-big-as-my-calves arms. and as-broad-as-a-bench hips.

in short = i hate myself.

was talking to rach just now. i remember how much i HATED mental sums (math, for that matter). i would do my workings secretly for question 1 and by the time i finished, she'd be at question 4 already. and i will fail my mental sums again. traumatised. i cannot imagine i'll be taking a stats module next semester. my brain cannot recognise numbers anymore (apart from *ka-ching ka-ching!)

maybe you could stop being so sweet
maybe you know maybe you don't
how your words make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside
i don't even need a sweater in the lecture theatre
in the cold rainy weather
maybe you could stop being so sweet
because this can only go one way.

the song everyone should listen to, at least once

chasing cars - snow patrol

We'll do it all
Everything On our own
We don't need anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

would you?

很想你

你在哪里?这些年来如意不如意 ?
还快乐?还单纯?还美丽 ?
时光如何对你 ?
我在这里人海中的一座岛屿很平静
风平浪静只除了深夜里回忆会疯狂来袭
我很想你
你知道吗
如果可以就让我再见你
美好微笑清澈眼睛好确定那持离只毁了我一个而已
我很想你听见了吗?
这是唯一我无解的困境
那些过去不肯过去不管我后来遇见多少人只能叹息都不是你
我只想爱你我在哪里?
你会不会偶尔好奇 ?
有没有曾经怀疑 ?
我说我会忘记只是种好意

can you imagine

can you imagine breaking off with your other half? no matter who initiates it?
you'll need to remove photos, from your wallet, your handphone, the net, your computer, your table, your whatever. from your memory, especially.

you'll have to change his pet name in your address book back to his name.

you'll not dare to read any past blog/diary entries in case you see something that may make you cry. and cry.

you may not be able to find someone else, who can tolerate your tantrums, your mood swings, your stupid habits, your wails and shrieks, your nonsense, your wilful personality, bascially.

when you meet old friends, you'll cring if they bring him up. maybe your heart will break. again.
and you don't know how to answer to mom when she asks about him.

you'll need to answer to everyone. (now you know why they say being in love is not just YOU and ME)
you hear songs that you used to listen to together and you just want to sob your eyes out. 'we used to sing this song together...', 'this was OUR song', 'this was his favourite song', etc.

you go to places you've been to, eat the food you used to share (basically he eats almost whatever you can't finish, and we just love that, don't we), watch movies on tv that you both watched in theatres and he shrouds your mind constantly.

you miss him whining and behaving like a 9-year-old, the boyish childish actions that make you go all soft-hearted rightaway.

you'll come out of the washroom and see the several boyfriends waiting for their girlfriends, then you'll daze for a while and wonder where's he, and snap! back to reality again. i mean, seriously, girlfriends, don't you ever feel proud and glad there IS someone waiting for you outside the bathroom, no matter how bloodybored he looks. =)

you will miss HIM, miss YOU and HIM being together, miss the places you used to frequent, miss his huge hands, those hands that used to hold you so tight, that goofy smile that always lifted up your spirits, the hugs that never failed to warm you up in the cinema, the escalators where you'd always go up a step so that you can reach his lips (and so that he can hug your fat waist), the security he still gave you although he's 120km/h on the road, the shoulders that you cried on, that chest you slept on (the best chest ever, no matter how much he wished for it to be bigger :), how you both would sing in the wind with the windows down, how he'd try to fend away all the mosquitoes for you (i don't know how), how he'd make you angry by saying 'last one last one ok, dear' whilst he's at the computer game/console/football.

everything. you can add to the list.

hindsight is always 20/20. please think twice, if you're ever thinking of a split, whoever out there. i hate break-ups. well, most of the time, some people deserve it. haha.

dear boyfriend, sometimes i wonder how you can stand me and my nonsense. you're rarer than a gem and i want you to know it.

<--- this boy here gives me no reason to feel other than happy being together.

thank. you.





i'm just having issues with myself, somehow i cook up neverending issues just to fuck myself so damn up. and carine, i just CAN'T seem to get on with life, everytime i try, i always seem to come up with something to screw myself up.




maybe you think i'm hard to understand. but my dear boss, you're harder to decipher.

my heart feels like it's being wrung almost dry, like a towel.

does it hurt?

self-restraint.

i want to cry now.

A part of me wants to leave you alone.
A part of me wants for you to come home.
A part of me says I'm living a lie.
And I'm better off without you.
A part of me says to think it through.
A part of me says I'm over you.
A part of me wants to say goodbye.
A part of me is asking why.
A part of me wants to leave.

But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think we're over and done,
you do something to get me back loving you.
And you got me just torn.
Torn in between the two.
'Cuz I really wanna be with you.

But something's telling me I should leave you alone.
And you got me just torn in between the two.
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

-torn, letoya

now here i go, hurt again
because of my curiosity
i'm not going through the motions
waiting and hoping you'd call me
i'm not missing you
when will i know what the end will be
what good is love when it keeps hurting me

- i'm not missing you, stacey orrico

tell me who doesn't like this song?

iris
goo goo dolls

And I’d give up forever to touch you
’Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it’s over

I just don’t wanna miss you tonight
And I don’t want the world to see me
’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you’re alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don’t want the world to see me
’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don’t want the world to see me
’Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

who needs boys when you have them?

damn. i sure know how to kid myself.

why do you want to grow up when you have yummy biscuits like these?

ever wanted to crumble on the floor, hug your knees and cry your t-shirt wet?

because life is so mean to you.

sob. :(

sorry.

to whoever.

sorry.

for whatever.

apologising doesn't make me feel better, i only hope it'll make you not hate me so much.

i guess i'm just not that
good anymore
but darling, just let me
continue loving you somemore
there's no other path i'd take
unless i can take it walking alone
but how come i can't picture life
without you
darling,
how do you bloody do it
break my heart with your kisses
yet leave me wanting for more

I HATE BLOGGING ON A SATURDAY NIGHT.

YOU ARE SUCH A LOSER.

ROAR!!!

i'm still contemplating whether to bathe or not, lest someone calls me out. but chances are SO SLIM. =(

during tuition today...

tutee: during your time in primary school, got dinosaurs or not?

me: -bewildered-

tell me whether to laugh or cry. sigh.

we had dinner, supper, aimless walking and then to mt faber! singapore is SO boring but having good company helps!