slept with a bad mood, woke up to a worse mood.

but my p3 tutee made it all better. :)

happy teachers' day to all teachers (and tutors!) out there. :)

Don’t tell me she made you laugh
Because that laugh belongs to me
Don’t tell me she made you smile
Because I know what you can do with that smile of yours
She’d never leave you if she’s seen that smile
And I’ve seen that smile.

i need to unwind unwind unwind unwind unwind i absolutely hate school.
i take back what i said about never touching alcohol again.
bring on the bloody booze.

UNWIND. i hate reality. REALITY SUCKS AND IT GODDAMN HURTS ME TO MY BONES.

reality is a knife so sharp it splits my bones into pieces and i can't pick them up anymore.

MOODY. GRUMPY. just so bloody moody for no reason. why do i always always feel so moody?

i can't live up to your expectations and mine. I HATE IT. I HATE YOU, LYNN.

ouch. don't tell me all that. i've heard them all before. you make me feel SO bad. it's tearing me apart.

i'm so fucked. but what's new?

i just want to fall into somebody's arms and sob.

and my mom got me a victorian locket. i hate real butterflies but absolutely love butterfly designs. it opens up to become a little mirror. which is pointless, though.

ken got me this really nice pendant from aussie. and handmade earrings. they are all one-of-a-kind. and a purse from roxy. sweet.

just a fucked up girl who's looking for her piece of mind.
so don't give me yours.

:(

too much to think

there are another twelve stops to home
each one i match
they just seem to spell out your name
my vision's getting blur
because the train runs so fast
yet i still see your image swirl past
sorry if you think you're a fool
maybe i made you journey towards me
but smile boy
you pulled me away from the city too
and showed me the suburban fun
look at the time we spent: not much
but enough
maybe you'll forgive me
but now
i'm at no. 13.

retail therapy

doesn't really work. went shopping with my mom today and i bought and bought and bought close to $200. i was really happy throughout all of my shopping but after that, when i'm home, i don't even feel like going through my purchases. :(

whiney whiney whiney grumpy whiney grumpy whiney grumpy grumpy whiney moody whine whine moody grumpy whine attention deficit.

you know, you only want attention from a particular person. am i not right?

yucks, i hate myself. for being such an idiot.

thanks thanks thanks to the kind soul who mailed me my ic.

THANKS.

the world is kind after all...well, sometimes. haha.

friday night and home, with a meme

23 Relationship Questions:
1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?
all three.
2) Are you happy with where you are?
where am i?!
3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
i don't know. you need to fall then you'd know if he's right or not, right?
4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
tell me who hasn't?
5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is acceptable?
..........
6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
depends. i don't know.
7) Have you talked about marriage with another?
yes, absolutely.
8) Do you want children?
yes, absolutely yes.
9) How many?
one or two.
10) Would you consider adoption?
i might, but i'd prefer kids of my own, of course.
11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think a cool way to let you know would be?
nobody would.
12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
of course, but there's no chance to?!
13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
what game?!
14) Do you believe in love at first sight?
no.
15) Are you romantic?
yes.
16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
hmmm, i should think so.
17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object, where would it be?
anywhere where there are friends to enjoy the occasion with you, i'm not materialistic. WAHAHAHA.
18) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
depends...hmmm....
19) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
yes.
20) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you messed it up?
no. i don't know, maybe i forgot.
21) Have you ever broken a heart?
WOAH, let me know if i have! i want to be a heartbreaker!
23) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
yes. meow!

how to avoid a hangover:

always always eat before you drink.

drink water in between.

don't drink.

http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/hangover/hangover.html

virgin (drunk) night

lost purse. lost ic. lost debit card. lost credit card. lost ez link card. lost dignity.
because i puked outside zouk. and we didn't get to go zouk - that is the worse part. no music, no dance, only plenty of drinks. PLENTY. and i woke up with a big bruise on my knee. i think i must have fell while sitting. and scratched my palm.

GLAMOUROUS.

lynnette is a big fat dr***k loser.

this will be my first and my last time as a drunkard.
NOW i know. well, do it while you're still young!

anyway, girls, you all ask me to insist it's stolen, but i couldn't insist anymore, because the police officer was rather cute. TSK. think i'm still having the aftereffects.

don't let me see any alcohol, alcohol bottle, brand name, whatever. turn-off! NO MORE binge-drinking.

i'm a very random person.

thanks to stanley.

i'm not a prissy goody-two-shoes who is all materialistic and practical and demanding and mean-to-boyfriend-and-anyone-who-has-offended-her and an manipulative attention slut and a sex-whore, i only look to you so because i'm so bloody insecure.

but all i want to do is only to make you guys smile. i try. i just want to be a sweet girl who's constantly there for her girlfriends and guy friends and everyone of you out there. i try to show i care through the little things i do, i give, because that's the only way to make up for the other mean things i've done. i don't ask for anything in return, because not everyone thinks the same way i do.

love is actually a very simple thing. because having been hurt makes people make it complicated.

ohmyfuckinggosh, ken, i miss you more. i'm sorry. you've got to be the bestest bestest boyfriend ever. who's boyfriend tells you to enjoy yourself but take care ok, when you say you're going clubbing while he's faraway overseas. mine. i'm sorry sorry i love you. i know i can never be as good a girlfriend as you are a boyfriend to me.

on a wet day like today, all i want to do is blast music in my room, lie on my bed, think about stuff, get really emotional, then get really high when some good music comes on, then have a good cry because life's a torture. instead of going to school.


and, secretly hoping, despite the loud music, i'd hear a message tone somehow.

dear boyfriend
you don't know
your not being around
just kills me
because i feel so empty
i'm craving for
attention
all that you used to
give i can't have it
my way and it
fucking sucks
i know i'm only
trying to justify
because i am
i only want you
to be back
so i won't walk
onto the road
with so many cars
hoping someone
else might come
and save me.

actually

the scar on my knee is really big. i am upset each time i see it. i say i don't really care because i only want to protect myself. BOO-HOO. i feel sad.

i know i'm a slut sometimes. i've had been a slut in front of you all, and i really hate myself for knowing it and still being it. fuck you, slut. i hate you, but sometimes i hate you even more.

school starts TODAY. i can't really believe it. i've got to go for lectures and tutorials then go for tuition almost every day, where do i find the time and energy? where do i find the time to meet up religiously with ken? -grumble- SCHOOL STARTS!

p.s. i wasn't keen on watching the fireworks at all, because it would have been crowded, stuffy, HOT (that's the worse that can happen to me), but i did. the fireworks were so pretty, like stardust! it was like magic, it's funny how it suddenly appears in the dark sky, so fantastic! but you've got to experience it yourself to really know what i'm talking about.

wish you were here to buy me ice cream and cookies, like you do every weekend.

remember 'follow me' by uncle kracker? old songs are always the nicest.

Follow me everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me
I'm not worried 'bout the ring you wear
Cuz as long as no one knows than nobody can care
You're feelin' guilty and I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed and baby I'm not scared I'm singin'

school starts on monday. grumble grumble grumble. forgot how to study. i don't even feel like working hard this sem. no more "i want to work hard!", it's more of get it over and done with.

buy me a star, and i'll kiss your hair.

my dear kenneth,

i dreamt that you returned earlier. and we went crazy shopping.

to all my friends, yes, everyone of you...

if you need somebody to talk to, to cry with, to borrow a shoulder, to drink with (!), to chill with, to grumble to, to whine to, you can always find ME. realised i've been a selfish person, only always grumbling to people about my great mighty self, it's bloody high time to reciprocate. you cannot take things for granted, friends aren't forever there for you to land on, i need to be a friend as well, a good one! so don't hesitate, i'm only a phonecall away. i'm not saying this because i'm bored (but i am perpetually bored, i think), but it seems abit hard to get the message across "i'm always here for you" because it has become cliched, and very often, people are afraid to approach because of rejection (been there, done that ;), but i'm really trying hard to be a good friend. people have been there for me, and i want to do the same for others, because the world is a happy place (i mean, i want to think that the world is a happy place, not full of tricksters who are constantly manipulating others financially, physically and emotionally).

bottomline: i'm here. just so you'd know. :)

BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

i need some excitement in my life. going to town and seeing all the couples lovey-dovey make me sick (read: jealous). where is my boyfriend? i don't even know where's ken now, which part of australia! there's no reception there, which makes it sound like some deserted desert (pun intended), what if something happens to them there? and what do they eat, camel meat? ever since that day after rachel's birthday, my body clock has been upside down. REALLY. i sleep after 3am, wake up after 1pm, and it repeats. which means my body is in a very bad condition. i can't sleep well, eat well, live well. i need someone to accompany me NOW. i'm desperate to talk to somebody! i feel like going out now! it's wednesday night, for god's sake! i hate my bloody boring life. i've tried lying in bed trying to fall asleep but all sorts of funny thoughts start forming up in my mind and a battle starts.

i hate thinking so much i wish i was brainless (yes, i have a brain. which is always working OT.)

URGH.

first time

seriously, i don't mean to sound like a kid, but this is the first time actually paying for something with my hard-earned (haha!) money. i got a pair of jeans and had to pay half of it and the other half by my mom! it cost me $85. OUCH. OUCH. OUCH. $85 leaving your pocket just like that really hurts. when i was working in the bank, i didn't even buy anything with the pay (but don't ask me where it went, i don't know what the fuck happened to the cash)! my mom asked me not to forget to pay her...but of course i won't, now i'm really going to be a big girl!

-lifts the ends of her skirt and dances in little circles- lalala~

i love black. black looks good on everyone everytime.

and the no.4 uniform looks good on every boy. i think i've a fetish for uniformed guys. sexy.

mmmmmm.

think think think. tsk tsk.

after rach's birthday dinner at hanabi. i think our birthdays are quite nicely spread out, so that we meet up after a few months, from feb to may to aug to sept. apart from sam's and mine. :(

shimin's in bkk now! -envy- i want to go overseas again! and school's reopening in 4 days. HIPHIPHOORAY! i lurrrrvvvveeee school!

p.s. my ears are spoilt.

I want a boy who will hold my hand in line at the mall to make all the other girls jealous.
I want someone who will sing to me at random moments.
Someone who is more goofy than romantic.
A boy who would throw stuffed animals at me when I act dumb.
Someone who would bet me kisses that he could beat me at the old playstation games and then let me win.
A guy who would make fun of me just to hear me laugh.
He'd play with my hair all the time and surprise me with 25 cent rings.
Someone I could share lollipops with and lay on a blanket with to count the stars.
We'd buy tonnes of disposable cameras to take the silliest pictures of each other.
We'd squirt waterguns at eachother inside the house.
But mostly, someone who would be my best friend and never break my heart.
He'd just always make me smile.

I can yell at you, be mad at you, say stupid things and take them back, even pretend I hate you...but nobody in the whole world cares about you more than me.

I am completely over you. But why is it that whenever I see you or talk to you I get the feeling that i'm not?

seeing you hold hands with her is like witnessing a car accident;

you don't want to look,

but you can't help staring.

guess it's typical to cling on to memories
those you'd never get back again
and to sort out old photographs
of a long time ago
and reminisce the times you had
together how fun it was
you see a face frozen
in your head
how pretty she was
then you can't believe that she's really gone
not yours to hold anymore
and all's left of you and her
is only that song
but you're the only one
i want to talk at the end of the day
it has to mean something
but probably not to you.

you must be.

something bloody wrong with my stupid router, now i'm in an awkward position using direct connection, i feel pathetic...and dusty. argh!

i lost. because you sent, you spoke, you wrote, you read, and you left.

words, so simple
they cut through me
thoughts, so scary
i want to flee
you, so complex
let me enter
yet don't let me in.

ever thought so much you actually felt like thinking might just kill you?

i'm thinking myself to death.

watching sassy girl, chun-hsang (chun-xiang) currently, very typical courtship drama serial between two high-school teenagers, very easy to relate to, very tempting for you to indulge in one straightaway, very addictive. i'm such a sucker for korean dramas.

bothered. i want to watch click.

As You Lie Sleeping

she watches him
eyes softly closed
long lashes
against his cheek
his warmth keeps
her awake
and she marvels at the fate
that brought her there,
just next to him
she does nothing but listen
to the sounds
of his slumber

edited from heart-on-sleeve corner

love doesn't need destinations, yet directions are always mistaken.

if she delves into a false fantasy, who is to blame?

happy birthday to rachel!

see you tomorrow, you can enjoy your birthday twice (sorry we're giving you a belated party)! :) hope the year goes smoothly!

nothing beats a sappy movie with your girlfriends

we watched now&forever on monday night. frankly, i cannot write anything about korean movies, because as long as it makes me cry, i think it's good enough. and of course we all did. there was alot of rustling of tissues and more nose-sniffling, especially towards the end of the movie. i think this is the first time we have watched a korean movie together, nice to have girlfriends sniffling with you. it's abit embarrassing to always cry during a movie when you watch with your boyfriend, i'm kind of scared he may go 'there she goes again'. HAHA.

kenneth, i want that blueberry muffin. i want to cry. i miss you.

by the way, i still hate myself.