i am addicted to lovers in paris. really addicted. the korean spirit in me is emerging again! hurray! i got a paper on tuesday but i don't fucking care (i do, actually) because i'm really really very addicted to lovers in paris. it is a DAMN NICE show. i have been watching it with mom and we scream at all the cutsey funny hilarious wonderful parts (e.g. when he pulls her out of the awkward situation and claims to be her boyfriend, OH! ever so protective prince charming!).

on one hand, you want to keep watching and watching non-stop. on the other hand, you want to save the best parts for later...dilemma dilemma.

you should watch it.

happy 2nd birthday yangyang.

sorry there is no cake and that we cannot accompany you today. we will get you your favourite pandan kaya cake next week ok?

we love you, 'cos you're so silly cute.

i feel sad AGAIN. and i need a bloody holiday somewhere outside this cruel place.

don't you ever tire of reading my blog because it's always grumbling and sad and complaining and it irritates the hell out of you that you keep reading the same old crap?

that's how i feel, grumbly, sad, moody and bloody irritated i keep getting this same old feeling.

i can't get over myself. i love myself who is constantly seeking solace in sorrow.

I LIKE TO BE SAD, CAN?

this message goes out to all of you happy-go-luckyers who thinks life is a bed of blossoming tulips, sunflowers, diasies and gerberas and who cannot think why these sad people are constantly craving for attention by trying to be all melancholic and boo-hoo. why can't these people be happy and smiley and just forget all their worries? just SMILE SMILE SMILE! :D

it's easy to be happy, JUST SMILE! :D i understand, cheer up, don't worry!

i'm sorry, you love your life and smile as much as i hate mine and cry.

happy 20th birthday, hwan. (:

7 years and counting and counting.

see you later!

love you.

Artist: Air Supply Lyrics
Song: Goodbye Lyrics

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

reliving the 'old-schoolness' in all of us. (:

i am worried about my last 2 papers. i keep thinking my exams are over.

soler. they're portugese and they speak english and cantonese, too. because they're from macau. and i think they're reeeeaaallllly cute. alot better than that '2moro'. -shudders-

cute.

movies to catch:
1. you're my sunshine
2. daisy
3. election 2 (it's quite hyped and boyfriend seems to want to watch it, so...so do i!)
4. the alibi

by the time i can catch any movies, i think they'll all be removed from the box offices. :(

why can't i?

be simple? just like all the others?
be happy? just like all the others?
be at peace? just like all the others?

i am so fucked. i have neverending issues that keep loading up and they never really do go away.
what if?

i just want to be nice. really.

min! remember how we used to talk so much in school the teachers hated us? and how we laughed so hard till we were practically on the floor? and then angeline would just look at us...

byebye.

my social psych is GONE.
total number of pages for TWO essays: less than 5pgs
time taken for 30 mcqs and TWO essays: 100 mins
i had plenty of time to go through my mcq again because i had NOTHING to wrire for my TWO essays. i am gone. i'd wanted to leave early but there was 15-minute limit.

I AM SO GONE. i only wish they would at least give me a C+. please, that's all i want.

upset upset upset at myself.

i'm so damned, i really fucking hate my attitude towards my studies. i have no sense of priority and i can't bloody get rid this fucking ya-yah attitude. ARGH. I HATE MYSELF. i know i'm not stupid but everything i do makes me label myself (and others) as STUPID.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

my social psych is GONE.
total number of pages for TWO essays: less than 5pgs
time taken for 30 mcqs and TWO essays: 100 mins
i had plenty of time to go through my mcq again because i had NOTHING to wrire for my TWO essays. i am gone. i'd wanted to leave early but there was 15-minute limit.

I AM SO GONE. i only wish they would at least give me a C+. please, that's all i want.

upset upset upset at myself.

i'm so damned, i really fucking hate my attitude towards my studies. i have no sense of priority and i can't bloody get rid this fucking ya-yah attitude. ARGH. I HATE MYSELF. i know i'm not stupid but everything i do makes me label myself (and others) as STUPID.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

just as thoughts were filling up, someone had to remind me of you.

and you said you didn't know which you i'm always talking about. do you know now?

angry.

exams exams exams exams this time i'm really worried.
i'm not serious about the exams, i don't know what's eating me.
i seek a balance in my life...which is all play and no work makes lynne a happy girl.

pleasepleaseplease by some divine intervention, let me make it through this semester with at least a cap of 2.8 and i'm satisfied. actually if i really get 2.8, i'll be very upset. then i'll want a 3. and if i get a 3, i'll wonder why couldn't i get a 3.2 and so on...but if i get lower than 2.8 i'll be even more depressed...i'm very self-contradictory, huh...i hate myself. and i'm still here thinking incoherent unproductive thoughts when i well ought to be immersed in sociology.

if i really make it through this painful semester, i will study hard for the next semester i promise whoever's listening. and i thought i said something like that last semester...

worriedworriedworried i'm so highly-strung now.

:( not happy not happy not happy exams are a useless judgement of one's ability. we should UNDERSTAND concepts, as i always always always emphasise and NOT MEMORISE, but more often then not 'assumed understanding' leads me to a period of stagnant thoughts in the exam hall with me and my pen and my eyes staring blankly at the question...

so, i don't understand at all, actually.

smart aleck, lynne. way to go.
i hate this place.

saturday night:

1. i am damn BORED.
2. i am damn BORED.
3. i am damn BORED.
4. period.

dum dee dee dum.

do you know who you are?

just only so.
i want to talk to somebody. similar.

tired eyes
want to be seen
dry lips
thirst for attention
hungry hands
search for a hug
lost legs
seek for direction
they make up me
and i am only me.
just so,
one long journey
short of breath.

you let me wait in line
i was waiting in line
somehow always at the back of the line
and i didn't mind
you were sometimes so kind
other times less so nice
you can go ahead with your crimes
take your time
and i'll just try
make my leave
soon.

i choose my clothes
brush my hair
lacquer every nail with a drop of tear
hide my secrets into my sleeves
stash my anger underneath the skirt
mask my frowns with rouge
cover the quivering with gloss
and i am ready
for another round of love.

TA-DA!

did he hear her whisper
or did it melt away into the wind
like it would usually
for each time she hoped
it was only a glimmer
then she realised he didn't know
how to love
around her emotional curve
never mind
now the search will be over
thanks for waking me up
now - so sober.

4 days to my bloody exam - i spent my weekend watching lovers in paris. it's a rather long show and i haven't even watched half of it. how timely. in any case, it is a wonderful drama serial (what else!) of course, it's the same old cinderella tale, with the usual korean feel, but this time the paris setting makes it even MORE romantic.
i'm a real die-hard for these dramas with the main male lead as the rich, very RICH president of his family company and he meets this girl who is spunky and tomboyish and they are automatically drawn to each other by interwining destinies. you get the picture...

he comes in gleaming sports car, emerges from the behind the door in prefectly pressed suits. and then plus plus point the way he tries to 'get hold' of his female lead is so aggressive, he pulls her arm, he 'forces' her to go out with him...the usual details, ooh-lala, i like! i'm sure you know very well what i mean! and the male lead, Han Ki-joo (Park Shin Yang) is sooooo charismatic, with his professional looks! -gush gush- by the way, i thought the both leads were outstanding in their acting, probably the winning formula of this series. i'm rather tastefully sappy in my choice of serials!

and funny how the you always think the lead couple in the dramas are the most matching? well, most of them. he has this really charming smile!

reminds me of stairway to heaven where cheng jun goes to all lengths to find jing shu...and of course how daomingsi struggled with shancai in MG...in all in waxed shiny sports cars too...but i always wanted huazelei to end up with shancai...whatever goes.

guess what i'm going to do after this...



"all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."
- as you like it, william shakespeare

did you watch the dialogue with the minister mentor?
what can i say? i do not indulge in political blogging because i cannot let anyone make assumptions on my views. and sometimes we wonder why many singapore youths are politically apathetic.

right i'm blogging non-stop...

yesterday i opened the front door, took off my shoes only to find a letter on the floor addressed to me with no stamp attached. someone had personally delivered a letter and little handphone chain literally to my doorstep.

a little gesture like this makes me very touched and...guilty. thanks, angel. really, you make me feel i was still worthy and where else can i find an angel like you. thanks. (:

a big hug to my all girlfriends!

and i just have to lament further...

ken and his army mates are on leave for about 2 weeks. and he told me, one of his mates told his girlfriend that he is going on an army exercise to taiwan during the 2 weeks. because he doesn't want to meet her everyday, can you imagine YOUR boyfriend doing that to YOU? i'll probably be devastated and extremely hurt. well, they've been together for only 3 months but still! that's like breaking the couple's code of conduct (CCC)! and that guy was going to zouk last night and afraid he'll meet his girlfriend there but he went ahead...

maybe the girlfriend doesn't care anyway. maybe they are not the couple couple but 3 months is long enough for couple-bonding and far too long for flings! and these happenings you hear from people is enough for insecurity to feed your poor soul already...the nerve of some "boyfriends"!

today i got rather mad at the boyfriend for some issues...and now i kind of miss him already. i feel like a real loser.

girlfriends!

today the boyfriend left for pulau redang. today i am left alone, trying to make myself start my BLOODY readings. pissed. pissed. pissed. exams should be BANNED. I HATE MY LOUSY LIFE.

carine, i hope you agree with me on this. why do boyfriends always seem to be on the opposites? when he's on leave, i'm not free. when he's going overseas, i'm having my exams. when i'm free like hell, he's not. vice versa whatever possibilities.

Grrrr.

so unfair. i just want to spend time with you forever, silly bumbum.

i cannot get started on studying. and that's so vexing. and i start picking up the pen...and doodle on my notebook. then i try to write something...my hands seem to tremble and i can't write properly. i haven't written for ages. my exams are in less than 1.5 weeks and i am not even started. MAYBE I SHOULD DIE. plus plus i have a project due in less than 4 days and it's still not done. that is like the best gift i can present myself.

i watched inside man today. it is brilliant. and it reminds me of phone booth by colin farrell. the plot was clever but not unpredictable since the boyfriend was able to guess the ending. i mean, you know it will end like that but you want to know the process, right? i was pretty engrossed throughout the movie. denzel washington is such a good actor (i suck at vocab, huh) and i like a handsome black man. when the entire plot surrounds a sole subject, you need good dialogue and better actors. but i thought jodie foster pales in comparison with washington and clive owen. and by the way, as the papers mentioned, the censorship board people did an extremely bad job at muting the expletives. totally ruined the movie's dialogue flow.

vexed vexed vexed vexed i am damn annoyed at myself at everything at fucking everything.

don't wanna try is playing on radio. sometimes you just want to play with fire. because we never learn until we get burnt. sometimes not even then.

insecurities are like thieves
hiding in corners anytime
threatening to creep behind you
then snatch away your sanity
i act like a warrior
trying to help myself
but i am only defenseless
me myself's my enemy
yet i find alibis
to cover up the crime.

V E X E D.

GRUMBLE.


ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

check out the shoe store in paragon: nue.

i love the cleopatra slippers...i need money.

Paranoid
86%
Schizoid
42%
Schizotypal
78%
Antisocial
66%
Borderline
90%
Histrionic
78%
Narcissistic
10%
Avoidant
58%
Dependent
66%
Obsessive-Compulsive
50%


i think only people who are unsure of themselves or need some form of assurance take these tests. i am SO perverse it's scaring me sometimes.

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoidhttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#paranoid">Paranoid> 86% Antisocialhttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#antisocial">Antisocial> 66% Borderlinehttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#borderline">Borderline> 90% Avoidanthttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#avoidant">Avoidant> 58% Dependenthttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#dependent">Dependent> 66% Obsessive-Compulsive 50%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
tests by similarminds.com

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism 51% Type 2 Helpfulness 45% Type 3 Image Focus 59% Type 4 Hypersensitivity 69% Type 5 Detachment 48% Type 6 Anxiety 81% Type 7 Adventurousness 68% Type 8 Aggressiveness 57% Type 9 Calmness 31% Your main type is 6 Your variant is omni

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (66%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (38%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?(word test)
personality tests by similarminds.com

liberty is a utopia.
where can there be liberty when the moment you're born, you're wrapped in cloth and handled by people? i mean people control us the moment we're born. no true liberty? we're dressed almost all the time, we've to speak in a certain manner, we've to this we've to that because we have to conform, comply, obey societal norms and rules. I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE IN THE CENTRAL LIBRARY.

there must be some amount of goodthink in all of us, the fact that we have authorities superior to us. i don't know, like parents, like the government, like religion, like anything you can think of. talking about parents, then is true liberty oppsed to filial piety? and even piousness?

on my way to tutorial...

yesterday i was walking the long route from lt11 all the way to as1. nus smelt like macritchie park, or smelt like some mini-forest. you know the grassy smell you get when you go macritchie? it was REALLY like macritchie, together with those scary insects sounds and the sun's rays seeping through the foliage, and it struck me:

Kent Ridge Hilltop Walk.

just as good as macritchie's. now i know why some mates like to wear caps, shorts and tees in campus. makes you wonder if they have insect repellant and sunscreen. want to study in nus?

life gets no where. i'm at this point of life where i'm too jaded to:

1. make friends
2. make small talk with acquaintances
3. shop
4. lift a muscle
5. to think of any more things

i just want to get wasted on an island somewhere.

i just need to get away from this horrid reality.

i want to sleep somewhere.

i need the light-headedness you feel when you're not drunk drunk but you're not very sober? you know what i mean? then you get all the energy back and can just do whatever crap you've not been able to do in your usual life.

i need that feeling, i don't know what. it sort of FREES you from the usual drudgery. you know the dizziness you get and all you do is keep shouting and screaming and laughing and rolling your eyes? you talk to strangers, you touch everybody, you smile at everything, not the drunk feeling but the courageous stamina, as i call it, feeling.

i'm sure all of you know what i mean.
some form of release. i'm feeling so uptight.

cheese.
some say we look alike. do we really?