I baked a pie full of rat poison. I though I could eat it, you know, without being suspicious. My nana, who is 86... (starts to cry) She really likes sweets. She had three pieces.
-Rannie: The Virgin Suicides

i need to read the book. and watch the film.

i really like good earth nail spa. they always give me the nicest nails. but i don't have the habit of sticking to a particular brand or shop since i am so fickle-minded. but i really enjoy doing my nails there!

sometimes when i talk to the boyfriend (or anyone around your age, for that matter) on some topic we randomly embark on, i feel stupid. he makes me seem ignorant and even bimbotic at times. i feel like an airhead sometimes. but never mind, sometimes i get a stab at the male ego too.

then when you're in class, the entire class makes intelligent conversations. while you meekly listen and secretly resent yourself for being such a DUMB person. and if you ever speak, you make some really stupid and pointless comment you wished you were mute.

wherever you are, there are always people better. so, just continue wishing that someday somehow you'll just drop dead or disappear into air. preferably sooner.

am i the only one, or have you ever wanted to disappear for a little while...and not respond to anybody and not care about anything?

just disappear? and go somewhere to spend time with yourself?

many many times you wanted to, all the time you couldn't.

it is just so not possible to throw everything away, not even for a tiny while.

caught two movies over the weekend: casanova and munich. i like casanova plenty! it's such a clever plot, i don't know, it reminds me of shakespeare's comedy - much ado about nothing. i like shows with clever deceit plans. and about munich...i thought it was quite a somber and difficult movie, and trust us to watch such a heavy 3-hr show at 1am. i don't know, boyfriend likes it, and i don't think i caught any messages about the politics. i am so ignorant.

i absolutely love the blueberry jelly from meidi-ya. IT ROCKS. there is a generous amount of blueberries in it! i didn't know clarke quay was quite a family place, there were so many families there, i only expected to see people in their clubbing gear. I AM SO FAT from all the supper i've had. we went chomp-chomp on saturday and i don't think i'd go back there again 'cos it's so small. i miss my racecourse road noodles...talk about getting overweight.

p.s. go get the jelly from liang court. really yummy.

always not good enough.

perplexed. tired. confused. i don't know what i want.

is it my fault? hate the way i try to think things out, i make myself more confused, in the end nothing gets done but things get worse.

i am so tired. of myself. someone who doesn't know what's good for her, so foolish.

help. my heart's screaming help.

i need a hug.

ever felt so down, you didn't feel like waking up, didn't feel like coming out of bed?
ever felt so down, you didn't care what the hell you're wearing and just go to school?
ever felt so down, you didn't answer any phonecalls or reply any messages?
ever felt so down, you couldn't bathe properly in the bathroom, because you were busy crying?
ever felt so down, you stared at yourself in the mirror, yet couldn't see the tear-stained face?
ever felt so down, you wanted to scream at everyone you saw?
ever felt so down, nothing matters anymore. nothing.

you ever felt really down, then no one bothers about you? it makes you feel resigned that you are just so ever insignificant, it makes no difference to others whether you are there or not.

is it my fault?

Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table
And make sure that your coffee has it's sugar and cream
Your eggs are over easy, your toast done lightly
All that's missing is your morning kiss that used to greet me
Now you say your juice is sour, it used to be so sweet
And I can't help but to wonder if you're talking about me
We don't talk the way we used to talk, it's hurting me so deep
I got my pride, I will not cry
But it's making me weak
I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everythings ok
Boy I am only human

This girl needs more than occasional Hugs as a token of love from you to me
I fought my way through the rush hour trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner will be waiting for you
But when you get there you just tell me you're not hungry at all
You said you'd rather read the paper and you don't want to talk
You're like to think that I'm just crazy when I say that you've changed
I'm convinced I know the problem, you don't love me the same
You're just going through the motions and you're not being fairI got my pride,
I will not cry
Still I can't help but care

I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
But I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be
I give my everlasting love if you return love to me

If you feel it in your heart and you understand me stop right where you are,
everybody sing along with me
I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet
But you got to realize that you've got to be sweeter to me
I need love, I need trust, your love

the english lyrics. the chinese lyrics is basically just answering to this girl's thoughts. gosh, i love this song! so touching.

happy birthday, wani. :)

have a good one.

angel and i spent the entire day at kbox, for 6hrs and 15mins. can u believe it? i enjoyed myself thoroughly, although for 5 hours we were completely frozen. but to get the money's full worth, we bore with the north pole-like room. my current favourite song is superwoman, by gary (cao ge). it's AWESOME and of course a sad song. it's a chinese cover of the originally english song. we are planning to go bkk this july wit the girlfriends, but it's tentative. i keep thinking some bloody situation will crop up and jeopardise our plans. :(

i watched walk the line yesterday. joaquin phoenix is a born actor! but i thought the storyline didn't have any exciting climax, not as good as i expected. i didn't notice any climax anyway. and it was quite a draggy show. but i liked the songs during the hippie days!

END OF TERM BREAK - NOTHING DONE, NOTHING ACCOMPLISHED.
I AM A GREAT PROCRASTINATOR.
AND I DIDN'T GET TO GO OUT WITH THE BOYFRIEND TOO.
life is PERFECT and a bed of flowers.

it is still cold. think my blood vessels are frozen already.

min + lyn = buddies!

(: 

i hate him!

HE IS A BLOODY JERK!!!

I HATE HIM TO THE BLOODY CORE!!!
i just told him i hate him. i just told him i hate him, right in his bloody face! I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I AM NOT GOING TO FORGIVE HIM EVER!!!

I HATE HIM!!! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE EVERYTHING! I HATE HIM! NOTHING HE SAYS WILL GET INTO MY HEAD. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE HIM. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE YOU. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE YOU. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU.

he fucking makes me feel stupid.

while i am typing this, he is talking to me.

每天晚上，无法安然入睡。
好不容易，昨晚又梦见了你。
我很想念你。
要怎样才能放手呢？
我心中的你永远无人能取代。

我没有哭，因为泪已经流不出来了。

people must be thinking why i've added the security feature here. i don't know exactly why either. you know sometimes you just feel like putting down your innermost thoughts, then you hold back, because you don't know who will read them, in fact, i don't feel comfortable with 'i-don't-know-how-many' people knowing what i'm feeling there and then. and the worst part is, when you feel really really gloomy about life and you just want to write them down for your own 'health' purposes, you receive these tacky comments on your tagboard saying 'take care, cheer up', i can't stand them, especially if these people aren't on a personal level with you. i must admit, i do that sometimes to others too, but it just doesn't feel right for me. i'm feeling blue because i am blue, not for others to take note of me or to take pity (ARGH! the word came out!) on me. i'd prefer if people feel sad together with me, not for me. i'm actually afraid people will get sick of reading my blog because of its boring sorry nature, so i'd rather they not read it?

but please don't stop leaving comments! :O if you're reading my posts, that means i like your remarks. :) by the way, does anyone know how to password-protect certain individual entries? i want to do away with this and just protect certain entries.

tried and tested. uncontrollable. and poisonous. 

Mafia Game
The more players you have for this game, the more fun you'll have. It has some tricky rules, but you'll get the hang of it, it calms the group down, but is great fun!All the players sit in a circle. All you need is a deck of cards. One person is "the lookout" and stays out of the circle. The lookout then takes the deck of cards (face down, so no one can see them) and goes around the circle letting everyone pick only 1 card from the deck.

Once everyone has their card (be sure that they don't show them to anyone else) and the lookout then tells them the rules.The lookout should tell them that if they have a king card, they are a cop. If they have an ace card, they are a part of the mafia. It is important they don't tell anyone who they are. The lookout now says, "its night time!" and everyone shuts their eyes and puts their head down to their lap. Then the lookout says," police, heads up" and the people who have king cards should put their heads up to show the lookout who they are.

As soon as the lookout says "heads down" the police put their heads down. Then the lookout shouts "mafia, heads up!" and the people with Ace cards put their heads up, to show the lookout who they are. The lookout once again says: "heads down", and then says "its daytime!" and everyone puts their heads up.Now that the lookout knows who the mafia and policemen are, he can assume everyone else is a citizen (people with a Queen, a Jack or a number card.) Now the lookout can repeat the process of "night time". But the second time he does this, when the policeman's heads are up, the policeman can point to one person, and the lookout can tell them whether they are citizen or mafia.

When the mafia's heads are up, the mafia can point to one person, but the lookout says nothing, the person they point to is automatically "Dead" and out of the game. When "Daytime" comes, the lookout says whoever the mafia pointed at: "You're dead" and the person can now reveal who he was. You can then go around the circle and have one person accuse someone of being in the mafia. Everyone votes to get that person out. If enough people vote, he is out, and can reveal who he is, if not enough people vote, he stays in the game, still not revealing who he is.

The object is to have the policeman or citizens get all 4 of the mafia out of the game. If this happens, the mafia has lost. If the mafia get all 4 policeman out of the game, the mafia has won. Have fun!!

juat found this site that has many games for parties.
http://www.eventwise.co.uk/asp

we watched the pink panther yesterday. overall it's quite funny, though some jokes weren't class-worthy. i especially like the part with the cantonese woman, laughed till my sides hurt. then we went around window-shopping. i want to get something for him but he keeps insisting he needs nothing. i feel like splurging on myself yet another inner voice says i don't need it. and you wonder why people say life is ironic. boyfriend got me a decent wallet from lopburi and i used it straightaway! and 2 voodoo dolls with capes, i've hung it on the hp to remind myself he's my supaman. (:

and i'm sooooo jealous that carine is going to hk with her darling *envious*. hope you both have a good time there, although i know you're not leaving so soon. it's so nice going on a vacation with your partner, because the feeling's so carefree and surreal, i don't think you'd ever want to leave the place, no matter it's hk or bkk or even jb! it's just nice being with someone so close in a foreign place. safe in a insecure environment. then you two make discoveries together and the memories are so exclusive, it only belongs to you both! i'm quite making a fool of myself here. in my own bubble. i just feel as if it's like first dates all over again! hahahaha.

yay. social visits on wed and thurs. mid-term test on tue. wahoo. life rocks. :(

(: (: (:


 

you know how bloody upset you feel when you're expecting something and then it fails you? i thought of spending genuine quality time with the boyfriend during my term break but it's not possible at all now because he has to go back for some combat shoot. i feel like killing his whole unit.

ARGH! I AM FUCKING UPSET.

you're like so near then you're so far. i'm missing you more. and i've got a swollen eye again.

oh, ken!

i think i'm a sucker for sadness. i like being sad and blue. it just feeds my neurotic self. i need sorrow to live. having said this, i feel less guilty about being negative about everything in life. but my life really brings me tears. that, secretly, i wish i could do without.

entangled.

解不开的心结。

did you feel it too?

i thought i did.

all over again.

you know how some people always speak to you in that condescending manner? like they are know-alls. they're so bloody bossy and i bet they don't need to eat because they are always so full of themselves. everything starts with "I usually...", "Oh, for me...", "I" "I" "I".

all my girlfriends are getting slimmer and prettier. why are all of you leaving me in the FU club simultaneously...(no prizes for guessing that FU stands for Fat & Ugly).


unreconciled. only possible in my dreams. what about you? ever?

the c.o.t

we celebrated may's birthday yesterday at jazz@southbridge by giving her a surprise. we had some drinks and finally decided to leave because i think we were making too much noise disturbing other patrons. i can't believe we had some kind of cake fight there. it has been AGES since i last fiddled around with birthday cakes. haha. surprisingly we didn't go zouk but i thought we did something alot more meaningful. we went to may's house for another birthday cake-cutting session with may's mommy. we hung around until 4plus, i thought we had alot of fun. we should do this more often. (: just hanging out and enjoying each others' company. to remind myself, i owe may 40 cents and sam 10 cents. i had a great time. it felt really really good to meet up with the c.o.t again.


i set myself thinking again and again. i'm trying to understand myself. and you.

*birthday pics.

hope you had a great birthday, mins. we love you. really nice seeing people again. of course, we couldn't do without aw since he was so nice to send us all home. 

happy birthday, mins!
love you. (:

i absolutely hate my father. period. i hate him. why is he such a horrid person? fuck.

mommy gave me a small box of godiva. she is really an angel. i'm quite guilty of always shouting at my mom. mothers are always forgiving.

juxtaposition of feelings.

happy birthday, may!
see you tomorrow! (:

ken, i really just want you to be home. by my side.

went vday shopping with aw today. and he had a chance to display his driving skills to me! but then again, i won't know any difference, being driven is just being driven. i just like the thought of not having to travel. but i hated it when my dad used to fetch me from place to place, it only seemed like he wanted to know my whereabouts, like he had some motive. back to shopping today, we went to 3 mngs until we got the jacket he wanted. he said i looked "damn weird" in my contacts, well, i hope it's only a matter of getting used to it? i feel rather odd too, let's see what dear boyfriend has to say about my eyes. (: i hope aw's free tomorrow, so he can fetch angel and i to the bbq.

i am going to be so busy this week. i don't know to feel happy or not. ken says being busy makes time pass faster, so which means i can see him soon!

my first vday alone, not alone alone but you know. it doesn't matter, i have my girlfriends. which transforms vday into friendship day? i hate flowers on vday, they are impractical and costly. i won't mind on other occasions though. (: i am crazy about the brand loop now. but the purse's out of stock! ): i really feel like splurging, but this inner voice in me keeps rejecting the advances. a penny saved is a penny earned! -sighs-

did i tell you two pairs of shoes were stolen again? I AM SUCH A STUPID GIRL. mom asked me to be optimistic, no shoes stolen, no shoes gained! i must get shoes soon!

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE BOYFRIEND TO BE BACK.

i need a manicure badly but i'm really tight this week! ):

at least i got something done today: i got my dailies! but i doubt i'd wear them unless i really need them?

i like my mommy.

i miss my boyfriend alot. each time i receive your message, i miss you even more! another 1 week before i can see you, darling. you don't know how much i'm missing you.

blog's out of sorts. can't seem to publsh properly. maybe i've too many posts. :(

ever thought of me?

i hate my father. i hate you. i hate you. i hate you. i wish you would leave. i hate my father.

sleepless.

ended early today so i decided to go for a pedicure. seeing my long and awful toenails really irked me, so no more now! i painted it bright red, i don't know why i chose that colour, maybe because i was dressed in red today. i think it looks nice, at least my big toenails are growing. you see, i have really big nails that look wonderful if painted, but the 2 big toenails are ingrown and they look absolutely horrid. i'm trying very hard not to touch or cut them and religiously let the manucurist handle them. i was quite glad that veron told me charme has student's discount, so $25 for a full pedi is quite reasonable!

but it just HAD to pour. i met up with xue at bugis and we had to run all over the place with our bags over our heads. it just isn't right to tiptoe all around when you just had your pedicure. rainy days make me feel dirty.

i love her.

like barbed wire
so tangled up
caught in the middle of nowhere
lost in the midst of nothing
feeling so gone so gone
like emotions seized
by an empty hand

today during sp lecture we were supposed to complete the sentence "I am..." twenty times and submit the paper. guess what i wrote.

for the more interesting ones...

1. I am fat.
2. I am ugly.
3. I am a fat and ugly girl.
n. I am nothing.
n+n. I am unhappy with my life.
n+n+1. I am sometimes happy, but generally unhappy.
n+n+n. I am not enjoying this activity because i hate writing about myself.
20. I am an irony.

we didn't have to reveal our names.

and i'm still supposed to be doing my report...

20 things i like about my boyfriend:

1. i like the way he pouts.
2. i like the way he wipes away my tears.
3. i like his laugh.
4. i like to see him drive.
5. i like his hugs.
6. i like the way he sings.
7. i like the way he plays with my hair.
8. i like how he eats.
9. i like how he drinks yakult.
10. i like the way he sleeps.
11. i like how he rubs his forehead.
12. i like his hair alot.
13. i like it when he takes charge.
14. i like his big hands.
15. i like his massages.
16. i like his good nature.
17. i like the look when he concentrates.
18. i like it when he complains about things.
19. i like it when he says 'you're still pretty' when you know you are at your fattest and ugliest.
20. i like the way you are.

i'll never find someone like you.
the time you're not around, always make me think more of you.

was supposed to do my social pscychology report which is due TOMORROW, but i got to read friends' blogs and of course cannot resist putting my own thoughts down.

nostalgia

carine! of course i remember! it was last year but it seems like only yesterday! and i miss jolly so much and the bitching days, how we skipped work and complained about late paydays. i am still thinking of how we learnt melita and stuff, can't imagine i actually went through all that! but still can't forget how some awful customers asked for my full name and threatened to complain, every night cannot sleep, every day dread going back to that place. we used to slack in the pantry or washroom just to get away from the calls.

we were (or should i say are still) really afraid of millenia walk. if i walk through millenia walk now, memories will just flood and flood and flood me! remember how we left an opened pack of ruffles in the office and came back after 1 week of cny hols and it was still crispy fresh? haha, of course we asked ben to finish all... i tell you, we cannot escape from 'skipping' syndrome, we skipped school, we skipped work, i am quite serious about you and i setting up some biz and becoming 'entrepreneurs'...(we can go bangkok and buy back all the wholesale stuff and sell! okok?) so that we won't need to report to any superior. :( haha. i miss those times. by the way, thanks for reminding me about my skinnIER days, when i could still fit into that nice purple top (i wore it once only.)

remember how last year we were just saying how scary it is to turn 20, and this year we are turning 20! darn. happy turning older, all 86-ers, don't fret, this is only the first, we have many more years to invite the wrinkles and white hairs!

emptiness

i miss my favourite partner. hope you're doing well over there. i miss you! i miss you! i miss you!

found my 80's cds. WAHOO!!!
retro chick transforming!
join

found my 80's cds. WAHOO!!!
retro chick transforming!

i miss you so.

while we'll normally be out singing our hearts out in the wind, i'm here blogging all alone.

i miss singing with you.

wish you were here.

at night. in the carpark. many windows. in the car.
one couple. two macdonald burgers. windows down.

ken: we haven't done this before right?
lyn(busy with burger): uh-huh.
ken: quite windy here.
lyn: (silence)
ken: you always say not romantic now romantic or not?
lyn(mouth full, gasping for air): can don't talk those i must answer one, i want to eat. *'mangzhang' tone

i was quite hungry then.

i miss you, ken.

真想你。

*peek!

i miss my bee.