i am only going to skip ONE lecture tomorrow. and it's webcast-less.

because i want to see you badly.

because i know i can't see you for another bloody long SIXTEEN days.

because i am such a lazy student but a yearning girlfriend.

i just love you.

i'm going to miss ken SO BLOODY MUCH.

why must i have so many tutorials this week just when he is free?

murphy's law. things always go wrong.

i hate my life.
i hate school. SCHOOL IS SICK.


poor me. all alone again.

please come back soon ken.

full 16 days of torture. dread dread DREAD.

happy lunar new year to all.

enjoy the holidays...because there won't be anymore for a long time. haha.

i love my mom. she's momtastic.

i love my dad...well...sometimes.

i love my boy. he is so lovely.

when was the last time you squeezed mommy's hand, and told her you love her?

has it ever ocurred to you
you're more special than the usual few
i've hardly done a right thing in my life
but you are one of the better decisions i'd find
it's funny how i find your pouting lips magnetic
and how your smile makes my heart do a little flip

i can't end this. haha.

happy 21st birthday kenneth!

love you so much. (:

p.s. this's all i can afford, honey.

if only...mom would get me a dog.

if only i can have back my smile.

why do some people have no originality at all? can they stop shadowing others?

it's damn sick to see someone else use your words or mirror your thoughts.

please be more creative than to tap on others' intelligence.

angel and i finally found a place to do our nails - it's a really tiny nail salon at icon. we did pedicures already and going back to do the fingernails. i don't find it as good as good earth of course but desperately needing to polish the nails leaves me with no other choice. haha. the manicurists were very nice anyway.

I DREAD SCHOOL.

finally caught memoirs with aikwee today. i was quite engrossed throughout the entire movie, i thought i was quite enthralled by it. i think chiyo looks like a splitting image of young zhang ziyi, where the hell did they get such actors? and of course ken watanabe has the perfect charm and is definitely the best match for the chairman. gong li has that kind of laid-back beauty, just right for her character. i was looking forward to see how they would weave in the part about mameha's aborted children but a pity it wasn't included in the movie. i kind of liked the part. and the baron stripping sayuri totally ruined any images i conjured up whilst reading the novel.

fists rubbing hard against your head
you wonder why life's turned out like that
is it you or everyone else
frowns and troubled lines along your face
it's a tense situation like
on the frontline
but you're not brave enough
instead you fall heavily
whilst tears fall readily.

gloomy skies bring about cloudy minds.

are there times when you just wanted to cry at the slightest comment?

how come?

u n h a p p y

is it me or everyone else?

i can't even do anything.
i am such a boring person.
i am not a good person.



why am i so bloody fucked up?!

i want to be the best that i can, to make you happy everyday, in my best ability.

it makes me happy to see you smile.

utterly disappointed
bloody useless
sheer stupidity

i hate myself to the core.
what do i bloody never do things right?
why can't i?
why can't i get a simple task done?
why am i such a loser?
stop being a smart aleck.

LOSER

i'm saying sorry now. sorry, honey.

i am thankful i got all my tutorials so i won't have to go through all the unwanted trouble. i really really think they should do away with this silly system. a terrible waste of time and energy and how many people will agree with me! sheesh.

i had a great time with the girls today!

(:

i have to spend valentine's day all ALONE! because the saf is sending ken to thailand from feb to i-don't-know-when. tentatively the duration is more than 2 weeks. i am going to be so sad, so alone, so pathetic. boohoo.

on a happier note, min's going to be 20 soon! hee. so is maybelline! hee.

yay. 2006 comes and we hit the BIG 2! :(

i don't know what to get for the boy on his birthday.

plastered smile on you with me
is it them who makes you so keen
yet all around me you lose all that gleam
i'm so jealous i almost wish
i was all those fellas

没那么爱他

你有权利情绪化 你不一定要坚强 便有些事情不能伪装
别为自己设了框我懂失去的悲伤 也懂进退的挣扎但想过去
都是失望 又何必要放不下
是习惯还是爱不放心 还不甘心 只有你知道解答其实你有那么爱他
真的不需要那么想他编织过的梦想 筷也可以抵达
谁说一定要有他
其实你有没有那爱他没有深陷到不可自拔
认清了真心话你就放得下深呼吸
抬头望 发现天空很空广 这世界那么大幸福总会在某个地方
其实没有那么爱他真的不需要那么想他拥有过的计划留给值得的对象 你知道 不会是他

just thought the lyrics are quite meaningful to anyone who needs self-assurance now.

my mind stark naked
since i never saw you again
even the butteflies linger no more
and the dew not sitting on leaves
my mouth keeps at bay
only a peaceful note my breath makes
but an unsettled heart.



doodum.

just when we got close,
you had to leave.

the boyfriend on his trip.

much as i promised myself not to splurge on expensive items in singapore, my mom got me this long-sleeved top from topshop yesterday. heh heh heh *tries to hide sheepish look
it's woven sort of wollen it's red, perfect for the blasting air-cons in the lts. half-priced it cost 33, and for your info i am such a cheapskate i find anything that's more than 199baht (approx $8) expensive.

i hate the rainy weather, because it makes my feet bloody wet and dirty, and i find brollies an absolute bother. i think i sprained my arm from all that umbrella-holding.

did i mention i straightened my hair again for the n-th time. hahahaha. i am officially broke, actually very very very poor now. and i don't like the boy to pay for everything. so if anyone wants to pay me good for tuition/personal escort, email me. no sex, please.

you know how hard it is to get the bloody brolly into its stupid cover?

fashion tip #1 for the new year:

velvet is in!

imho, that is.

elizabethtown is a rather beautiful film. i like it pretty much, because it's a different turn of a romantic plot. actually it isn't much of romance. i think we should all indulge in quality time alone, i don't know doing what, but just soaking yourself in things you like to do, just this time it's alone. i think it's going to be quite rewarding.

byebye to clubbing for now. because school is starting already. i have to settle down and prepare my mind for books. -groans- i will make up my mind not to skip classes because of clubbing, but maybe for other reasons? haha. i can't imagine i have to go to school again! oh how i dread the bloody place, each time i pass by the area i feel sick. really, i hate school i hate studying i hate it hate it hate it!

i upset my baby today. i'm sorry, honey. i'll make it up to you tomorrow ok?

ken got me this jacob & co. watch - now that's the super bling! *puts on shades 

just a glimpse of the bkk trip. of course very pleased with the less-than-S$4 manicure with lovely nailart. too bad mom's polish has all dropped because of the washing. but mine is still 'decently' intact. a foreigner even asked to see my nails yesterday! it's quite wasted we didn't do pedicures. 

my countdown was spent in the cinema. (actually there was no countdown in the cinema. thank goodness.) we spent the night driving around for a dinner venue. we got to thomson but it turned out that the ampang ytf stall is already closed, then i decided against prata (prata is so cliched, haha!), then we roamed around finally reaching cambridge road to try some cheap hor fun which i didn't fancy. then we went to whampoa just to buy my 'roti-bun' and i had quite a good time eating that for an afterdinner. then we reached ps to watch wallace and gromit and the family stone, all the way until 4plus. i thought w&g was quite an interesting show, the plot is quite unusual in a cute manner since there is a were-rabbit. and the family stone was only so-so since everything was quite expected (you know that kind of storyline where the initial couple ends up marrying each other's relative sort of), anyway i don't like christmasey shows nor do i like chinese-new-yeary movies a.k.a holiday-themed movies.

when time cheated my hair
the forests took away my self-will
dusty winds blew gone my soul
then i stepped into quicksand
but it didn't suck me in
for it only wanted living beings.