this is my favourite hobby. there aren't many yet, but i am avidly collecting big earrings. donors are very welcome. mom got me most of them, other than that i bought them or they're from ken. i prefer showy earrings than studs. to bad i only have two earlobes to wear only a pair at once. but then again, there are countless pairs which i hardly put on. i'm always wearing the same earrings. just like to collect them, i guess. this is like a show and tell session.

yes, despite my swollen bad bad eye, i watched chicken little today. very cute characters, the fish is ken's favourite. it is really quite adorable since it doesn't talk but only makes gurgles. i want to get the tee but i probably won't wear it so i'm wasting money. the plot is rather crap, because i don't like aliens and any outerspace issues (apart from the jetsons). i yawned several times. the movie is a some sort of a parody of hollywood makes like war of the worlds and signs, etc, i figure. of course ken was the one who told me since i never watched signs. chicken little is so cute with its glasses which looked like they were lense-less.

i went to the doc's because of my eye this morning. the doctor must think i'm geng-ing to get an mc or something. 'no, your eye's not swollen, it's not even red!' gosh, i was worried sick at this awful state and she can still say it's not swollen? IT IS. and i told her i don't need an mc (now she knows i'm genuine). only when she lifted my eyelid then she said i have an eye infection. it's not painful but i know it's swollen (since i have triple eyelids still) and it's very uncomfortable. she told me it'll heal quickly i certainly hope so. i wonder how long it takes to heal, i hope i haven't a tumour resting on my eye nerve or some sort. i want to die willingly and quickly, not with a tumour. gosh, will i become like jingshu? i have some ointment to apply INTO my eye, quite nerve-wrecking there right? haha. please, let it heal by tomorrow so i can go out. and plus plus plus, i have cramps so bad i just want to lie in bed forever, and aching ankles. i think i'm behaving like a pregnant mother. STUPID ME. i feel so unhealthy!

argh, i am so bloody pathetic.

for the past few days i have been suffering from some eye problem. i woke up once with both eyes sore. my right eye is now hurting and aching. it's a little puffed up and i have triple eyelids now. they look normal but the right one hurts each time i blink hard. ouch, ouch, ouch. maybe i am suffering from some eye vitamin deficit.

Tickle's Original Inkblot Test
Reveal Your Subconscious Mind

your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment. Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.
Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much more to who you are at your core.

oh, really? it was a long test.
http://web.tickle.com/tests/inkblot/

ken brought me and mom on a spin around the city today. then mom went off to a wedding dinner. he asked me to bring him to nus so he could know which parts to pick me up next time. it was really really very unexpected for him to make such a request. we went fs but didn't eat there, though. i must say it is quite a priceless feeling for your boyfriend to drive you up and around while you sit relaxed, the only energy you exert is fiddling with the stereo remote control buttons.

mom: i asked her to learn driving she dowan.
ken: never mind lar, i drive her around.
me: *grins grins grins grins

me: what if i sleep while you drive? will you want to sleep as well?
ken: mad ah, i need to take care of you leh. (doesn't make much sense but you get the drift)
me: *secretly grins grins grins grins

you made me a very very happy girl.
i want to love you even more.

there seems to be a hundred activities to indulge in before the exams, a million things to do during the exam period, and...nothing to do after the exams end. murphy's law occurs in my everyday life.


we couldn't have saved him.

when i was supposed to be buried in english yesterday, i spend the entire bloody day doing absolutely nothing productive. and i spent the night out with ken. i'm actually a paradox myself, i was bent on not going for prime because i thought i'd be out till late (which i am not supposed to be since i ought to be studying) and i didn't return home very early last night.

HUNG UP.

good luck for my english, i think i'm so dead.
but again, i don't care. i don't care. i don't care. i don't bloody give a damn about my results. sheesh, who am i kidding?

my life is a mess. even hell is neater, and better.

i
am absolutely
bloody
bored.

i am deprived of my favourite comfort food!!!

i got free tix from class95 to watch prime tomorrow at 915pm but it's a pity 'cos ken and i both cannot make it. it's a big big waste because i really want to watch the show, i wouldn't have joined the contest if i knew the preview was tomorrow. they asked which celebrity i wanted to date and why and he had to be alot younger or older. of course i said BRAD and some witty reason (or not!). but it's really a pity i can't catch it! anyhow, enjoy the show, yiwei. remember what i said. :)

わたしわおかねがほしです！

我要钱！

オチャドへ買い物に行きたいですがお金をありません。

basically just trying out something angel taught me. haha. i feel stupid. and bored. but this is quite fun.

no more messy tables! soon...

four down, one to go!

wheeeeee.

i love the way you chuckle. :)

The Real You
Here is the analysis:
You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.

You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.

You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

addicted. when i have a paper later. what the hell.

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

thanks to veron. i don't know. people who know me should let me on on this. i don't really know myself very well, except the last section 'who is your true self'. i am indeed very very temperamental.

i am watching son of a bride this saturday! and it's complimentary, from ken's dad. i can't wait for the exams to finish finish finish. i don't bloody hell care anymore for my results, because i'm pretty certain how they'll turn out. i didn't put in any effort, so i shan't expect any results. i won't be disappointed, i won't be delighted, i won't feel anything. so...i'm talking now, eh?

you're so awful you make me cry.

just can't bloody wait for the exams to be over and done with!
and for the 24th 7pm to come! argh, i think i might swallow myself up now.
the wait is so very torturing, i have had enough of mcqs mcqs mcqs.

i hate exams. seriously, i'd rather do like 5 essays for each module then to have one exam. because memorising is a chore, i can't seem to get anything into this bloody blank mind. i've a pretty good hunch that i'll go when i see the questions. (that meant BLANK, by the way.)

they use illicit substances and alcohol to keep their genuine feelings at bay. they pierce themselves and tattoo themselves and have sex more and earlier, in what i see as desperate efforts to anchor themselves to some sort of reality - the reality of flesh. if a teen can feel a steel bolt through her tongue move whenever she speaks, at least she knows she inhabits her own body, even if she doubts her own soul. if she can use low-cut jeans or a glimpse of thong underwear to attract glances from boys, at least she knows she occupies space and time at the centre of their attention.
- the new york times

the desperate desperate search for a sense of identity, and reality.
are you like that as well?

my mom's the most important person in the world to me.

lunch was instant noodles and the prince and the pauper on hallmark. i don't usually watch movies on television but the movie was rather intriguing. it's good to have cable because most of the time in the day local channels have nothing decent. i like movies of this era and of course because it's british. which reminds me, i should catch oliver twist soon before it's off the screens. which i believe, by the 24th, it will be.

relax.

i am preparing to go into the exam halls with my fingers crossed, hoping just reading will give me a pass. i am already 3/4 dead i know, but i'm willing to take a risk now this time and gamble on my results. not something i will do, given the risk-aversion personality in me. another 10 days to go, before i'm temporarily released. i just can't wait to put on nice dresses and enjoy!

what about you? (:

maybe

true love is still loving him or her after he or she has left you for good.

Snuffleupagus You scored 43% Organization, 50% abstract, and 64% extroverted!

This test measured 3 variables. You are somewhat organized, both concrete and abstract, and both introverted and extroverted. I bet you didn't think you were Snuffleupagus. Let's find out why. You are both somewhat organized. You have a good idea where you put things and you probably keep your place reasonably clean. You aren't totally obsessed with neatness though. Alloyius Snuffleupagus (and all Snuffleupagus') is not sloppy by nature, but he moves so incredibly slowly that it is impossible for him to be totally organized. You both are about equally concrete and abstract thinkers. You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren't afraid to explore your dreams and desires... within limits of course. Snuffy generally has very basic interests, but he explores his abstract sensitive side when he plays his snuffleflute. You both are somewhat introverted. Originally Snuffleupagus was very shy and was only Big Bird's invisible friend. However as he has aged he has started to build new friendships with new characters. Like Snuffy, you probably like to have some time to yourself. However, you do appreciate spending time with your friends, and you aren't scared of social situations.

unglam is:

hair pulled back, clipped with a big black clip, plus a hairband
partnered with holding a banana skin in your left hand
chewing on something that was inside the banana skin
hands on a sticky mouse due to residue of bananas
perhaps also a bananafied laptop
and a mind still boggling with descartes and socrates.

i really really do not see the point in life when half the bloody time is spend on things i simply do not enjoy, like trying to study some ridiculous subjects i do not like and don't know why i bloody chose them. we should all live in a free world, where those who want to study can study, and people like me should just enter prostitution and get money.

i should throw away the skin because it's inviting flies. or maybe it's me. i'm a pest, aren't i?

today's oprah was on 9/11 victims' families. because the losses were so very very sudden, people still cannot find a closure after several years. it seems the same for all. we may be doing everyday things now just like things never happened, but it's not the same. still seeped in depression, i relate strongly to them. the souls have been robbed, and the minds are still in denial. but we have to realise that they are never never ever going to come back anymore. i don't know how to overcome the hurt and pain and it's not right to say we're well now. because we are now. i feel lost, we feel lost. we are physically well and present, but emotionally distant and never really in touch with reality. because with a little trigger, we set our hearts in immense pain again. it's easy for people to understand my pain, but because they are not the sufferers, it is different. they cannot feel the ache the same way i do. my soul's injured and i am still hidden behind a wall, which cannot be removed. i don't know, maybe not just yet. i can smile laugh do the things i used to do still, but i'm wearing a veil that i cannot pull away. things are just very different from before. i don't think there can be a way which i can release myself from the neverending strains of grief.

regarding 15-19th dec:

proposing a short getaway to any nearby places like bangkok, cruises, etc since sam is able to get leave on these dates. carine, rachel, may please please get back to me as soon as the exams finish, on whether you can make it or not or for any suggestions. thanks. in any case we can't go overseas, maybe a stayover somewhere? i bet chalets are already fully booked anyway.

i've been meaning to say this and finally i'm here.
last week somebody sent me a mini-parcel by post. it's a sunflower (i think?) candle, attached with a postcard brimming with words. last week i received a very unexpected phonecall from you. i was so happy and surprised. i could talk on forever with you. i'm so thankful for the little things you do to make me know you're always there for me. people like you make me feel life is still worth living for. it's the effort put in that makes the relationships we share more unique than anyone else's! you're the ones whom i can share my innermost feelings with, whom i can share my most comfortable silence with.

thank you, angeline.
thank you, xueting.
thank you, everyone!

instead of doing more consequential things like you-know-what-i-shan't-mention, i watched just like heaven. it's a sweet and touching romantic comedy. but then again, its positivity about believing in i-dunno-what kind of turned me off abit. i'm quite cranky i say, i like lovey-dovey sappy stories yet i can't stand all the happy endings. i think happiness is a cliche (right, sour grapes because i don't damn know what happiness is). but i think it's worth the cinema money. i would prefer those where one (or both!) main characters all die. i'm actually very self-contradictory, like my mom would always say, 'ren jiu shi hen mao dun'. i want to watch all about love, oliver twist and some more. but no goblets, fires, or potters or harries for me.

well, well.

sorry for being a bum sometimes. i'm really thankful you're always there to pacify me, to tolerate my petty tantrums, my quick-temperedness, my mood swings, my flare-ups. i'm sorry for being insensitive and stupid, i'm so glad you always try your best to suit my needs. i don't want to be the awful demanding partner, so i'm trying hard also. i'm very grateful for you, ken.

no photoshop, no d.i., no nothing.
pure bliss. just us. (:

part of the gang. (: they are my favourite playmates, my favourite friends. they never fail to make me smile, with hours hours hours of laughter into the wee hours of the morning, with alot of indecisiveness in between, but still plenty of joy and happiness. thank you. maybe we could rename our game 'gangionary'? or something along those lines? haha. lots of love.

i'm so damn disappointed with myself. my results so far suck. suck. suck. to the bloody core. i can't imagine my results after the main exams. i don't think i can pull through this semester with a decent grade. argh!!!

kenneth

you this piece of....


gem.

i love you. so much.

i don't mind if you can't drive me around, we can always take the bus. or the taxi for that matter. i don't mind if you can't provide me with all the fine dining, we can always settle for instant mee. with b&j's for dessert, that's a must! i don't mind if you can't buy me lv or tiffany, we can always go treasure hunting at big sales. i just like you being the silly you, because you always make me smile. if you don't mind, maybe you can call me your girlfriend?

(:

almost cracked my head missing you
almost blinded my eyes crying for you
but it's not so bad
it's only me suffering alone.

i didn't know i was crying,
until i tasted tears in my mouth.
i don't know what's going on.
and no one can tell me.
since i doubt there's someone who ever feels the way i do.




where are you

we've all come a long way here
it's time i got to save my soul
there are things i can't see
there are feelings i can't touch
it's time i got to save my soul
it's time i grab a pole to hold
if not i'll just fade away
if not i'll just go away

when gravity is broken,
i find myself falling away.

the past week has been like a reverie! my gosh, i so don't want it to end, and i didn't even realise it's already 1 week into november and the exams are coming until this evening! no wonder may and rachel were talking about having no life until end of november and i still didn't get it then...:( i'm so going to fail my entire jap module now, i just realised that the oral is this week. how damn stupid can i get?

i miss kenneth so much. wish you were here.

i finally got my boatneck tee. i am so happy. i love mommy. but i miss ken.