happy birthday, mummy! i had a great day with mummy at fish & co. i haven't been there for months. mummy, i love you so much! thanks for being my mummy. =)

i want to build waffle houses for us to live in, complete with maple syrup! i have a pet grey sheep living with us too, and it's called yangyang. i have a pet dog as company too, you can call it pepper. and maybe i'll consider having a pet cow, and we'll name it udder. when we're hungry, udder can provide milk, but kenneth doesn't take milk so he'll just have waffles for food. when we're cold, yangyang can provide his fleece for warmth and pepper shall do errands for us! all of us will cuddle and huddle together! mmm!

-bring me into this reverie.

watch 50 first dates. it's hilarious. i haven't attended the film fest and i doubt i'd get a chance to. argh.

i got 49 for economics. i am pissed. i feel like a total failure. i feel sick. adding on are the bare passes of literature and geography. i AM a failure. crash it.

Pre-existence
by Frances Cornford

I laid me down upon the shore
And dreamed a little space;
I heard the great waves break and roar;
The sun was on my face.

My idle hands and fingers brown
Played with the pebbles grey;
The waves came up, the waves went down,
Both thundering and gay.

The pebbles, they were smooth and round
And warm upon my hands,
Like little people I had found
Sitting among the sands.

The grains of sand so shining-small
Soft through my fingers ran;
The sun shone down upon it all,
And so my dream began:

How all of this had been before:
How ages far away
I lay on some forgotten shore
As here I lie today.

The waves came shining up the sands,
As here today they shine;
And in my pre-Pelasgian hands
The sand was warm and fine.

I have forgotten whence I came,
Or what my home might be,
Or by what strange and savage name
I called that thundering sea.

I only know the sun shone down
As still it shines today,
And in my fingers long and brown
The little pebbles lay.

jjc - 35
nyjc - 3
glee. glee. filled with glory and glee! it shouldn't be quite an exciting match, 'cos from the start, we knew who the winner would be already. =)

i am cutting my nails now. i hate tests. fuck. i will not sleep tonight, perhaps hope i can die before tomorrow comes.

kenneth, tomorrow will be your first match for the season. though you may not read this, i'm wishing you good luck here. all the trainings, bruises, scars shall not go wasted here. you've worked hard and i know you guys can beat ny tomorrow and subsequently, all the other matches. i will try and attend as many matches as i can, ken. i hope you feel my moral support because i'm really there for you. take care and do your best. looking forward to your smiles after each match. =) cheers.

-i believe in you. i believe in you. i believe in you. believe in yourself.
impossible is nothing.

17 may monday
hall
economics 3 = 130 - 3pm
economics 2 = 315 - 420pm
economics 1 = 420 - 5pm

19 may wednesday (carine's 18th)
rm 212 - 213
paper 4 utopia = 810 - 910am
paper 1 othello, silas marner, hard times = 910 - 1110am

20 may thursday
rm 212 - 213
geography 4 drqs 2 essays = 810 - 1110am

good luck.

where were you when i needed somebody most? where were you when i cried late into the night? where were you when i helped you with your assigment, on my own? where were you when i spent time waiting for you alone? where were you when i sacrificed my time my efforts my everything for you? why do i feel so alone even when you're with me. i really wish you were more competent in your school work, had as much drive you have in rugby in your studies, could spend more time doing productive things.

- it's stacking on me, it's piling on me, it's killing me. there is no right or wrong choice, only my choice. but as it is now, i have no choice.

i miss you so much milton. i wish you were here to hug my fears away. i wish you were here to share my woes. i really really really miss you.

happy 6-month anniversary. i love the paul frank tee, sweetheart, though you made a little blunder. sorry i didn't get you any gift, ken. oh, i'm just mad about you!

tired. exhausted. wasted. fatigue. useless. unproductive. procrastinate.

i had a fantastic day with nasha and kenneth yesterday. nasha is great company. yes, we must hang out more often! love you!

yes, i was proud when i mentioned 3 'goodbyes' when you called me. i talked as if i couldn't wait to hang up. i pretended i wasn't psyched to receive your call. in fact, i was so pleased. i didn't want to hang up at all. i tried as hard as i could to maintain the little bit of dignity i still have in me. i can't wait to see you again, and if you could, you realise i cannot do without you. i miss you.

to be done:
- hydro essays
- hydro test essays
- p8 extracts
- hydro group drq pg 3 and 8
- hydro group essay outlines
- self study
- revision
- self discipline.

i want new shoes, a new bag, a new top, a new bottom, just new things. i want MONEY.

i wish you were still around to meet my teacher in school, like you did last year. i love you, kor. it's hard not having you around anymore. time really flies.

the vast piece of pastel blue
striped with streaks of cotton white
the pale orange peeps from behind
like me from afar
merely trying trying
to catch a glimpse of you
when night falls
unwillingly i turn my back
secretly hoping that you'd call

finally something happens in singapore. i did hoped the lights stayed off for a longer time, 'cos it was quite an experience. but they didn't. i don't mind darkness and more darkness, i just want fans and air-conditioners to continue functioning. the heat wave is killing. i can take 19 degrees anytime.

a classmate of mine broke up with her long-time boyfriend. i feel so much for her. it's a pity to see a girl of such strength and finesse breaking down. any consolation won't help now i think, it's just a stage she has to finish before moving on. probably we'll have to turn the love into hate then she'll start letting go. and next they'll be friends all over again. every relationship's different. outsiders haven't much of a say. i hope i won't cause such things to happen to me, i know i'm capable of it.

i wish i didn't know. i wish we could erase unwanted memories. i wish i was your only one. i wish i ain't so selfish. i wish i ain't such a bitch. really, i can't help it. i'm sorry you don't know how i'm feeling right now. i don't want to start an argument, because i know i'm just being paranoid and unreasonable. it's a call for nothing. i'm just easily jealous. i think i'm beyond cure. it always happens. i only want you to myself. yes, ridiculous's the word.

it just won't go away. it's so haunting even when i hide, it searches deep into my heart. just look at me, i'm smiling but the sun's crying, the moon's tearing. just reveal, how little i mean to you. everytime i try to fly, i fall harder each time, 'cos each time i see your face, i miss the love you solely gave. now, as much i'm dying to know, the true or the false, don't tell me.

i hate to put up a brave front when i speak to you. i hate to pretend all's normal when you call me. i hate to display my false emotions when you ask me. i hate to live a stage when i'm with you. i hate to say yes when i mean no. i hate it when you hear my laughter when my cheeks are actually wet. i'm sorry i have to live a pretense. i'm sorry i'm letting my feelings get hold of me. i'm sorry i can't tell you how much it hurts when you mention her name. i'm sorry i can't reveal to you how painful it is when i hear how you used to pin for her. i'm sorry i can't let you know how heartbreaking it is to see her name hanging at the sides of your mouth, her name hiding at the back of your mind, her name peeping from the chambers of your heart. all this because the tears fall only when you're on the other end of the line.

- you are always not there to trace the forgotten tears on my cheeks.

i'll be your support, i promise. i'll do all i can be be a better girl. thanks for rubbing my bruise. thanks for reading with me. thanks for eating with me. thanks for fighting with me. thanks for shouting with me. thanks for being with me. thanks for being a good boy.

i love today 'cos you helped me with my assignment. it's been long since you last did so. i love today 'cos we spent time watching a full movie on the couch. we haven't done that before, given my goldfish attention span. i love today 'cos i heard our song on radio. it's been months since we heard it on air. i love today 'cos you taught me my first rugby moves. it's my first lesson on a ball game - your game. i love today 'cos i met your granny. it's my first time meeting your ah-ma. i love today 'cos we had karaoke at your place. i told you i missed your singing and you sang for me. i love today 'cos we spent a whole day at your place without spending a single cent. we ought to have more of such sessions. i love today 'cos we had resistance training and wrestling, slamming matches. we perspired quite a bit today. i love today 'cos i had a wonderful time with my boyfriend. this is going to be a milestone in our relationship. another week or so to half-a-year. kenneth, thank you.

- we were never two people. we were just two halves, waiting for each other. when i met you, we became one person.

mother: do you love him?
sylvia: i love him.
mother: then i like him.

sylvia.

i will watch this. i will. singapore'd better screen this soon. i want to watch it. i don't care if it's ra. sex and poetry goes together. i want to watch sylvia. life was too small to contain her.

- dying is an art.
Lady Lazarus, Plath

can you believe it? i dreamt that i found my purse back last night, but when i woke up at about 7 plus, i realised it was just a dream. so i went back to sleep. at 9 plus, my dad woke me up saying a lady apparently came all the way to my place to return my purse, without the cash in it though. but that's like so impossible, because there was no address inside. no ic, ez link has no address. mysterious. according to daddy, she's a housewife from choa chu kang and she said her daughter found my purse. what a kind-hearted soul. i thank you. i'm so relieved, although i need to reapply for my atm cards again. what a bother. but still, i'm so grateful to the lady. and whoever the powerful souls are. so nice to feel my purse back in my hands again. an air of clairvoyance. food for thought.

boo-hoo. i'm such a muddlehead. i lost my purse. boo-hoo. all my stuff gone. thank goodness i don't bring my ic out. i'm so stupid. so careless. sorry mummy and daddy for being an idiot. sorry i lost the nicenice purse you bought me, mummy. sorry i lost the little cards and hair clip you got me, ken. sorry for being a moron, daddy. i feel like crying.

Dance With My Father - Luther Vandross

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

no matter what happens, i'll stand by you ok? i'll be your support for all your rugby matches, i'll be your support for all the tests and exams, i'll be your support for the a levels. please, promise me, we'll make it through together.

yes, i know you won't be reading this for quite some time since your pc's down. i don't want always to sound like a pathetic girlfriend who's constantly pining for her boyfriend whenever they're not together, but the truth betrays my dignity. i wanted you to pick up my calls, i wanted to receive your messages, i wanted to do my work without thinking of you, i wanted a sign from you, i wanted so many things that i didn't get. i'm not being practical here, am i? everyone needs their own space. i'm not grumbling, i'm not complaining, really i don't mean to sound like i'm berating you, i'm just missing you. :) i just miss you, ken. that's all.

i wish i was with you now. i wish you were with me now. i wish the world belonged to nobody but you and me. sometimes i'm too demanding. sometimes things are so impossible. man, his only limitation is, after all, himself.

i went shopping with mummy again! i slept on mummy's shoulder while on the way back, i don't know if people were staring but i don't care, i love MY mummy! i felt like a little girl all over again, with mummy stroking my hair. look, ken, your shoulder's at kallang, at least i've mummy's. be jealous. haha. i had such a great saturday, and i'm watching winter sonata reruns again tonight! but...accompanied by piling homework. and i'm going out tomorrow, i can't find time to finish! -groans- i'd better start saving for hwan's and mummy's birthday gifts. it's april already, i'd better do this and that too, for the a's are approaching! -horror-

i had a happy day today. although we were rather moody in the afternoon. haha. there's no couple more compatible than us (please don't mind:)! the pretty-handsome ones! haha. thanks for all the gifts and love you've showered on me and you will continue it right? yesterday, today and tomorrow! i love my boyfriend. although he can be an obese (*pun;) jerk at times. haha. enjoy the sevens with the guys, sweetheart. i'm sure you'll have a jolly time with or without me, huh? =D you're in my heart. as always.

there was this beetle in my room just now. the moment i stepped in my room, it started to fly past my eyes. i was like -my gosh-. it landed on the hi-fi speaker and i went screaming for mummy to get it away. mummy wanted to catch it and it flew to her blouse. then mummy was like, 'korkor ah.' indeed, people find solace in everything possible. oh well, whether was it or not, i was like 'i don't care! just get it out!' then i guess mummy threw it out of the window. i remember how you used to catch such creepy-crawlies for me. you know i hate (HATE) them. every night if there were such evil creatures in the room, only you would get rid of them for me, 'cos mummy and daddy would think i was making a big fuss. you were always on my side, no matter what, you always helped me as far as you could. you always loved me. you still do, right? i love you too. you never left me. and never will. i know.

How can we save energy?
It is important to save energy because most of the energy we use comes from fossil fuels. If we use up all our fossil fuels, there will not be any left for people to use in the future.
It would be impossible to stop using energy. But we can try to use less. Here is a list of things you can do to save energy.
To save energy for heating and cooling:
You can save energy in your home or apartment in many ways. First, you need to find out how much energy you use. One way is to look at your family's utility bill each month. Second, ask your parents or utility company to do an energy survey or audit of your home. This will tell you exactly where you can save energy.
Wear a sweatshirt or other warm clothing indoors when it is cold, so your parents will not have to turn the furnace up so high.
Wear fewer clothes indoors when it is hot, so your parents will not have to run the air conditioner as much.
To save electricity:
Turn off all the lights when you leave a room.
Ask your parents to replace your regular light bulbs with special lights called "compact fluorescent lights." They use about a fourth of the energy of regular light bulbs. To save the most energy, install them in light fixtures that are on for several hours at a time, such as lamps used for reading.
Turn off the TV, radio, and computer when you are through using them.
To save gasoline:
Ride the bus to school.
Walk or ride your bike to school or to visit friends.
Share rides with friends to after-school activities and Saturday games.
To save energy used to make products:
Reduce. Reuse. Recycle!
Reduce
Buy products without much packaging and wrapping.
Reuse
Share your clothes and toys with others after you outgrow them.
Recycle
Recycle newspapers. Paper made from recycled paper uses about one-third less energy than paper made from raw materials.
Recycle glass bottles and jars. Glass made from recycled glass also uses about one-third less energy than glass made from raw materials.
Recycle steel and aluminum cans and aluminum foil. Aluminum cans made from recycled aluminum use 90% less energy than aluminum made from raw materials.
Buy products made of recycled material. Look for the recycle mark—three arrows that make a circle—on the package


Belgium - Though the federal government is responsible for national environmental targets, energy efficiency is the responsibility of the three regional governments, which have introduced various financial incentives for building retrofits. The three regions also promote the rational use of energy by municipalities and other local public institutions. The national climate change plan proposes to make energy audits, presently being supported as a diagnostic tool, obligatory for firms receiving investment subsidies under energy efficiency programmes. The plan also proposes that the higher insulation standards currently in force in Flanders be extended to new residential buildings in Wallonia and Brussels and that commercial buildings be subject to stricter regulations. The introduction of financial incentives encouraging households and institutions to improve on legally required insulation standards is also planned. The government intends to enforce the EC directive on household appliance labelling.
Austria - In 1995 the Parliament approved higher building code standards covering the insulation of new buildings and the efficiency of heating equipment. These must be coordinated with the Laender (states), which have jurisdiction over building codes. Laender governments currently provide small subsidies for energy efficiency retrofits in buildings. The federal government plans to implement the EC directive on household appliance energy labelling. It is also offering an energy audit service in collaboration with the Energy Consumer Association.
Canada - Since 1992 the federal government has been implementing a series of energy efficiency measures in conjunction with its climate change programme. Measures include: (1)
new energy efficiency standards and labelling requirements for appliances and equipment - performance standards are provided for 22 products and energy consumption labelling required for 7 products, with further standards under development; (2) a voluntary certification programme for new houses (R-2000 Program), with the standards to serve as a benchmark for the residential building industry; (3) planned amendments to the National Building Code calling for higher efficiency standards in new commercial and residential buildings; (4) a voluntary programme to promote and monitor energy efficiency in mining and manufacturing, with specific voluntary targets to be developed for the major industrial sectors; and (5) the Federal Buildings Initiative and Energy Innovators voluntary programmes, designed to help federal departments to undertake building retrofits to improve energy efficiency. Over 90 projects, representing a total investment of $200 million, are currently being implemented in 2,500 federal buildings. Provinces are also pursuing retrofit programmes for their public buildings and a pilot retrofit programme of federal support for municipal building retrofits is underway.