i must start to do my sats papers. sats, sats, SATS!!! -groans-

found something scribbled on foolscape during one econs tutorial before the holidays...

positive --> statements that can be verified and tested with facts
normative --> statements of opinion or value judgement

loneliness accompanied by fears
i can't help but give way to tears
it's been long since we last met
i miss your kisses and your pats
without a word you left me here
silence sounds easy but it's all unclear
falling leaves help me pass the time
though i know patience's not no crime
tried to forget to ease my pain
only to realise all's in vain
pictures remain on the rack
all i want is to have you back
missing you is bittersweet
now i know you're all i ever need

sometimes the best i can do is just recline in quiet discontent, let the dull drone of everyone around me sink into my cracks, concentrate on containing my irritation. the atmosphere suddenly feels so gaudy and wrong and unfair. so, what do i do from now, where do i go from here?

yet-to-touch holiday assignments for lit (if i ever misplaced my list):

paper one
1. finish reading all 3 texts (yes, if i ever started on them...)
2. answer all questions from other jcs prelim papers (can somebody tell me if we ever have them?)
paper four
3. do extra reading (like what?)
4. compile a book of reviews, master plots and quotations (from where?)
paper eight
5. portfolio (of a song, a picture and an extract from any genre)
*extract from any short story, drama, poem
*picture to have colour, imagery, symbolism
*critical analysis of the 3 items (at least 2 pages long)
*read a minimum of two books
*create glossary of literary terms (with definitions and examples)
e.g. 'narrative perspective', 'tone', 'imagery', 'diction'
*choose couple of works (poems, extracts, etc)
- pick out a few expressions that can be used in prac crit
e.g. 'this alludes to...'
6. read up on critical notes, critical analysis and critical appreciation

when should i stop procrastination?

From the album 0304
Jewel - Stand

Walk in a corner shop
See a shoplifting cop
See the old lady with a gun
See the hero try to run
Nothing's what it seems, I mean
It's not all dirty, but it's not all clean
There's children paying bills
There's monks buying thrills
There's pride for sale in magazines
There's pills for rent to make you clean
Marvin Gaye, there's no brother, brother
Woody Guthrie's land can't feed Mother
Mothers weep, children sleep
So much violence ends in silence
It's a shame there's no one to blame
For all the pain that life brings
If you will just take me It might just complete me
And together we can make a stand
A waitress brings me lunch
We meet but do not touch
On TV, D.C. is selling lies
While in the corner, King's dream dies
Go to the counter, pay for me and my friend
A homeless man pulls out a roll, says it's on him
The mayor has no cash
He said he spent it on hookers and hash
You will love me, I will love you

finally found this song. all the puckers for it. =)

-= what makes less angelic of an angel with broken wings?

i sort of passed by pa today. reminisced about the times i had there, my npcc days, what unforgettable memories. this's going to be one thing that'll keep my secondary school memories alive. i miss npcc. yes, rueyhwan, i had such a time talking to you on msn just now. i think you cried, too. haha. silly. i'm about to go on and on again. we went for atc in secondary 3, somehow we got into the same group, did we do it illegally? haha. i know how we never had a single meal in the 3 days 'cos we were such slow eaters and noodles took forever to cook. how we solely survived on our all-time favourite uncle tobys. i was so vulnerable to insect bites that xave gave us his saf all-powerful repellant. thank goodness for that. i remembered how i slept sitting-up the first night and the second, how i escaped to another tent for space when they were on sentry. haha. i was such a sleepyhead, i did sentry with my eyes closed, i held hands with you am i right? sheesh. also all the times we spent in mac every saturday afternoon after parade? and how we ran to bpp to get our hairnets whenever we forgot before a muster? haha. the good and bad times. how we cried during the 2nd night of the camp we organised, 'cos we knew it marked the end of our npcc life. the funniest was how junhao blew his whistle the last time for no reason after we broke camp. stupid boy. lol. and we cried almost every pop [batch 4 was our 1st! our fave ncos =]. especially our own. i thought the whole squad promised not to drop any tears, no matter what? but i knew deep down the both of us were the crybabies. inevitable!! i was alone that day, in np room listening to some songs, then i just started crying. the parade was worse, the more i saw you sob, the more i couldn't take it. for each officer who shook our hands, we cried even harder. come to think of it, we were such sobbers. haha. each time we drilled in the rain for xave, all was in vain. 'cos he never turned up. we tried so hard, it was really disappointing when he made his presence. 8pm at the carpark, all the disagreements, all the excitement. i wonder how they etched themselves a place in my memory. and yes, we used to call each other every friday night, 'tomorrow study bench? don't be late. badges, hairnet, boots, socks. wear pt. track shoes?' even though we always complained about having to polish our 'hubbies', we enjoyed it, didn't we? now, can't even see my fingers black with kiwi anymore. haha. even the little things create such an impression. i miss all the parades, all the drills, all the outside-school courses, all the camps and campfires, even our pts! xave's famous 5bx! we were so proud to have him as our ci, no matter what others thought of him. well, we have to let go one day eh? though all things are transient, i somehow wish i could go back, put that blue number on again, smell that familiar kiwi smell again, hear the sound the boots against the ground again. in rain or shine. if i were to pen each bit of my npcc life here, i'd take longer than forever. 'cos the memories are innumerable and irreplaceable. oh, well. =)

:: was it only then, in those days, when we truly led a life, when we were really alive?

1-If you were going to die tomorrow what would be your last meal?
i love carbos. give me rice, bread, potatoes, floury stuff, carbos! how can i forget mushrooms!!!
2-When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up?
a teenager?
3-Name a television show you watched as a kid?
the carebears.
4-Name a beverage you drink frequently?
tea. any kinds of chilled tea.
5-What is something you have always wanted to learn but never have?
be myself.
6-Name a CD you would never get rid of?
why would i want to get rid of cds that i buy?
7-Name a song you that constantly gets in your head?
indecision is my forte. or weakness?
8-Name something that never fails to cheer you up?
shopping. and smiles.
9-What's your favourite time waster?
this.
---------------------------------------------------------
1 minute ago: i was starting to do this survey.
1 hour ago: watching television (say wow! 'cos i'm watching tv)
1 day ago: having dinner?
1 week ago: -looks into blog dated 19 nov-
1 month ago: i don't want to be reminded.
1 year ago: just finished my o's. partying away i guess?
1 lifetime ago: i wish i knew. anyway, what kind of question is this?!
--------------------------------------------------------
I hurt: anyone i want to. including myself.
I love: my family, my friends, dogs, shopping, reading, writing, dreaming, stars...the list goes on. oh, yes, finally, and him. [you were waiting, weren't you!=]
I hate: nobody. [oh, yeah?? there must be many nobodies around here. lol.]
I hope: my life condition will improve day by day. and my family's too, and my friends' too. peace.
I sadden: will you stop reminding people of sad memories?!
I feel alone: many a time. like now.
I kill: ants? time? you?
I talk: to myself.
I listen: whenever i feel like it.
I break: hearts. and myself.
I see: nothing.
I smell: i've got a permanently blocked nose. sadly.
I taste: the bittersweet of life.
I work: little.
I remember: the happy times, the sad memories, the times we spent together. those were the days.
I hide: from everyone, including yours truly.
I pray: that everyone's happy.
I walk: through good and bad times, hoping for some special company now and then.
I drive: myself crazy thinking about you. :)
I read: everything. including people's minds.
I burn: -ed a hole in my own heart.
I breathe: air. like now.
I play: alot. alot. -playful-'s my middle name, apart from -bitch-.
I miss: you.
I know: how important it is to treasure your loved ones.
I dream: constantly. it's my life. -cue: selena & bon jovi
I want: everyone to be happy.
I fall: head over heels in love.
I wait: for happiness to enter my life.
I need: you.
I am: not who i am. -cue: iago. -winks-

~Today's Date: 26/11/03
~What's The Time Now?: 0012h
~ Name on Birth Certificate: tay ya ping lynnette
~Nickname(s): lynn, nette, pig, zhu
~ Birthday: october 4th
~ Nationality: singaporean
~ Horoscope: libran, the scales
~ Occupation: student, sadly
~ Eye Colour: is it brown or black?
~ Hair Colour: ditto. its natural color?
~ Height: 160cm still, i hope. i hear people shrink.
~ Shoe Size: 6-7
~ Tattoos: none
~ Piercings: five, a mistake.
~ Family Member(s): daddy mummy korkor
~ Your Bed Time?: when it's time to sleep, it's time to sleep.
-----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------

* Eaten An Insect?: as long as i'm aware of it, nope. otherwise...-can't bear to think about it-
* Digged Your Nose In Public?: hmm...
* Had A Puff Of The Cigarette?: i don't like the taste of cigarettes, do what do you think?
* Took Drugs(Not Medicinal)?: nope.
* Had A Sip Of The Alcohol?: alcohol?
* Got Beaten Up?: by? self-mutilation counts? physical, or mentally?
* Missed School Because It Was Raining?: i miss school. the weather doesn't play a big part.
* Ever Put A Body Part On Fire For Amusement?: not for amusement!
* Got Hurt Emotionally?: who hasn't?!
* Kept A Secret From Everyone?: ditto!
* Had An Imaginary Friend?: an? i have lots, oops, i mean 'had'.
* Cried During A Movie?: ask kenneth.
* Had A Crush On A Teacher?: not that i remember of.
* Cursed/Hated Someone?: who hasn't?! again.
* Taken Revenge On Someone?: would love to. if i haven't...that is.
* Really Liked Anyone Of The Opposite Sex?: duh!
* Ever Had A Dream About Your Crush?: i'm proud to be a dreamer.
* Kissed Someone?: *smoooooooch*
* Been On Stage?: you mean for performances or just to fix mikes?
* Been On TV?: nope. is it embarrassing?
* Had The Urge To Steal Something?: yes, especially hearts. and boyfriends. lol.
* Cut/Dyed Your Own Hair?: cut - who hasn't?! dyed - nope.
* Met A Celebrity?: yes!!! -recalls and giggles to self-
* Dumped Or Been Dumped?: i dump, i ditch, i've got pride!
* Changed Who You Were To Fit In?: you mean lose weight to fit into 's'es?
* Thought You Were Attractive?: beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
------------------FAVOURITES---------------------

* Shampoo: pantene.
* Soap: alternative - shower foam?
* Fragrance: his!
* Clothing Brand(s): i don't want to be labelled a poseur!
* Hobbies: blogging, shopping, reading, just to name a few.
* Colour: all colours. except orange, and certain shades of green.
* Advertisemen(s): those with dogs in them. =)
* Foods: food, glorious food!
* Fruit(s): fruit, glorious fruit.
* Drink(s): water! gas-less drinks.
* Animal(s): dogs, dogs, give me a dog anytime!
* Flower(s): there, that big flower with yellow petals and a black round centre. what's that called again? =)
* Season(s): autumn, summer, winter, spring (in order of preference;)
* Cartoon(s): little lulu?
* Number(s): emphasise: i'm not a number person. i practically hate numbers. hate, i mean.
* Sound(s): gagroobarbuboole? baby sounds, i guess.
* Sport(s): sorry, what was that again?
* Movie(s): romance, horror, teen flicks, movies!
* Song(s): lyrics, lyrics depict feelings!
* Musical Artistes: too many to mention.
* Musical Instrument: sorry, what is it this time?
* Body Part: must i have any?
* Celebrities: too many to mention. again.
* Candies: i have a sweet tooth. or rather, i have sweet teeth!
* Computer Game(s): what now?
* Board Game(s): ditto.
* Ice-Cream Flavour: ice cream! my life!
* School Subject(s): if only they had romance as a subject.
* Country: anywhere where there's shelter, air, water and food!!
* Phrases/Words: ask kenneth.
* People To Talk To Online: anybody's fine.
--------------------RIGHT NOW-------------------

* Wearing: jammies. yes, so what if i'm 17?
* Hair is: wet and long.
* I'm Feeling: bored. that explains why i'm doing this.
* Eating: i wish i had ice cream now. or cookies. -grumbles-
* Drinking: i wish i had berry tea now. -continues grumbling-
* Listening To: young talking about linking park on p10.
* Talking To: myself.
* Dreaming Of: dreams.
* Kicking: i don't want to hurt my toes, my feet!
* What's The Weather Like?: too dark to tell the weather?
* Are You In Love?: -breaks into smile-
--------------IN THE LAST 24 HOURS----------------

* Met Someone New?: anti-social? lol.
* Cycled/Rollerblade/Skateboarded?: nope.
* Worn A Skirt/Tutu?: ditto.
* Cried?: thritto.
* Cleaned Your Room?: it's offically known as 'pig-sty' to all.
* Done Your Laundry?: is laundry considered as a chore? princesses don't do chores, you know.
* Drove A Car?: it's singapore, and i'm only 17. hello?!
* Studied?: if studying people (specifically the opposite sex;) counts, yes.
* Sang Or Danced?: yes.
* Bugged Someone?: i hope not.
* Been Scolded?: princesses get scolded???
* Went Out On A Date?: sigh. with myself, i say.
* Had Something To Eat?: i must take dinner!
* Taken A Shower?: my hair's still wet.
----------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------

* True Love?: define true, darling.
* Your Friends?: i love my friends!
* Magic: what magic??
* Santa Claus?: there's no chimney in my house!!!
* Tooth Fairy?: well...
* Destiny/Fate?: isn't that what life's all about?
* Dreams?: i love to dream!!!
* Ghosts?: haven't met one. wouldn't want to, in any case.
* Witches?: you mean those spinsters with a cat on brooms?
* UFO'S?: i see aliens everyday, everyday.
* Yourself?: i only have myself.
* Reincarnation?: i don't know...it's so mystic.
-----------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------

* Girl Friend(s)?: many. and i'm glad to have them. =)
* Boy Friend(s)?: which kinds? -girlish giggle-
* Who's the Funniest?: erm.
* Who's the Weirdest?: yours truly.
* Who's the Quietest?: i don't like quiet people.
* Who Do You Trust With Your Life?: huh?
* Who Do You Go To For Advice?: 'help!!!'
* who Do You Cry To?: my soft toys.
* When Did You Cried The Most?: please don't remind me.
* Who's Your Role Model?: i don't follow people.
* Best Feeling In Your Life?: to feel happy? and happier? and happiest.
* Worst Feeling In Your Life: the old wounds never really go away, you know.
* What's The Period In Your Life You Miss The Most?: my secondary school days. those were the days...-sniff-
* What's The Most Touching Thing Anyone Ever Said To You?: memory malfunction at 1.02am!
* What's The Most Riduculous Thing Anyone Ever Said To You?: ditto.
* Age You Hope To Get Married?: 25 - 27?
* Your Dream Wedding?: just like a princess'! -dreams...-
* Your Fears?: that i cannot get married and have kids and dogs, and when i'm left all alone when my parents pass on and there's nobody crying for me when i pass on. -argh!!! -
* Your Strengths?: nothing. as said by kenneth. bleahs.
* Your Weaknesses?: everything. as said by you-know-who. the pot calling the kettle black. double bleahs.
* What Do You Regret Most In Life?: i shan't say. -sigh- -sniff- -sob-
* What's Your Philosophy In Life?: living life to its fullest. with as few regrets as possible. share love with everyone, everywhere. smile, smile, smile! =)
* Are You Satisfied With Your Life?: life? what life? how ironic.
* What's The Time Now?: 1.08am

i am like a falling star who has finally found her place next to another in a lovely constellation, where we will sparkle in the heavens forever.
does that explain -falling in love-? =)

love is...
what makes a weak man brave
and a king step off his throne
good times, bad times
easy times, tough times
it comes and goes in an instant
and lasts three days after forever
that's what love is.

pets safari, my all-time favourite. haha. there are these two cute dogs that look like the kleenex ad pup. how adorable. they have these pairs of doe eyes and look a little upset. that kind of whiney, pity-me puppy look, you know. i actually visited the east. haha. ken made a comment about that east people don't clothe themselves in flash-and-splash wear. that comment made no sense and was pointless. but i don't why i had to agree on that remark. heh. no offence, really. we're not labelling people or anything, or that wearing flash-and-splash wear proved any status on people. it was merely an observation made, or we haven't seen much of the east side. haha. am i glad i'm living in the west area? maybe it's 'cos people get used to things and wouldn't choose to adapt all over again. [do you get what i'm blabbering about? i can't make sense of half the things i'm writing about. gees.] thanks for the quote by einstein. i love it when you 'teach' me stuff or tell me new things that i never knew. heh. cheers.
= gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
- albert einstein

Backstreet Boys - "How Did I Fall In Love With You?"

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,
Alone
Those days are gone, and I want so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight
What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble
I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,
Alone tonight
What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeah
I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life
What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew
How did I fall, in love with you?

Blessid Union Of Souls - Standing At The Edge Of The Earth

I knew that this moment would come in time
That I'd have to let go and watch you fly
I know you're coming back so why am I dying inside
Are you searching for words that you can't find
Trying to hide your emotions but eyes don't lie
Guess there's no easy way to say goodbye
So I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that someday you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth hoping for someday
Don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say
I don't want to let you leave this way
I want you know that I'll stand right by your side
And I know this may be
The very last time that we see each other cry
But whatever happens know that I'll...
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that one day you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth hoping that someday
You'll come back to me
I'll be praying for whatever it's worth
Believing that one day you'll come back to me
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping for someday
And I know this may be
The very last time that we see each other cry
But whatever happens know that I'll...
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that one day you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth hoping that someday
You'll come back to me
I'll be praying for whatever it's worth
Believing that one day you'll come back to me
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping for someday
Waiting for someday Believing in someday
Praying for someday, I'll be...
Longing for someday Clinging to someday
Cherishing someday, I'll be...
Thinking of someday Dreaming of someday
Wishing for someday, I'll be...
Living for someday Counting on someday
Knowing that one day...
I will see you

i hope people realise that it's blessid union of the souls, not blessed, darlings. =) no offence, though. cheers.

You are cutting


What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Beginner Cutter.
Your problems are just as real as everyone else's,
but you're still at the timid stage. Nothing
that couldn't be defined as "cat
scratches". You keep everything a secret
and don't let ANYONE know about your problems
except for your labyrynth of a mind. You
probably haven't even tasted your own blood
yet. No stains on your clothes from old wounds.
But wait, it'll get worse... Trust me.
Good Song For You- Fuel- Bad Day
Good Movie- Heathers


What kind of cutter are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


you are bruising


what type of self-distructive behavior are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Holiday are YOU? Find out @ RelentlessDivas.Net!

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Are You Crazy??Find out!

How Horny Are You? Find out!

days passed and you never came.
weeks passed and you never called.
months passed and i held on to the hope
that one day, just one day, things would be the same again.
the days you made my troubles go away,
the hours you took to ease my pain.
the minutes we shared in the hallway,
the many seconds we treasured, all in vain?
all i'm left with now
is the frame in my hands
pondering questions 'how?'
with the hole in my heart nobody can mend.
what in the house doesn't remind me of you
even i catch a glimpse of your shadow
feeling empty still
yet feeling your presence so mellow.

i miss you, korkor. alot alot alot. who can replace you in my heart, who can i again call my brother? i dreamt of you again. we wanted to go for a holiday in france. i walked you to the door, to the stairs, i saw you walk down, i saw you leave again, slowly not even your shadow lingers. why do you always leave us in my dreams, i don't know to feel happy or sad. just the weekend, the bulb in the bathroom fused. 3 of us were like thinking of you so badly, so badly. 'cos you were always the one who fixed things around the house, nobody mentioned you, but it was very very evident that everyone had you on our minds. it was quite bad, i wish i could have you back again. just for a while? just to fix the bulb back up again? please? i try and pull myself through, still, memories of you fill my desolate mind again. how have you been other there? really, i don't know where you're now, i just hope you're in a better place, somewhere where you'd find peace again. for you know we'll always love you.

i can't take it lying down when people out of your lives can still know so much about you. please, get a life of your own! and i won't be surprised if you're reading this. i don't know how you got to know so much, i can't be bothered anymore. sheesh. the world is just small, small, small. so small, it gets scary sometimes. i only have my lucky stars to thank now that i've my significant other, darl. yes, so glad, so glad. kenn.

bon voyage to all leaving for perth tomorrow, especially you. chonglong, i will miss you! hehe. =) i totally forgot you're leaving tomorrow. and sorry for not sending you off. at 7am. hehe. take care, please. and enjoy yourself, although you seem so-ever-excited about australia's most boring place. haha. =) and yes, get me something back. be it the sand, the stones or thoughts of me during your fortnight there. awww. so mushy. i'm gloating over your school-uniform part. *sniggers* =) take care take care take care.
- - - drama part: *squeeze* palms touching palms with the glass in between. lol. love.
-waiting for your return. so long. :)

silently he sat on the rocky coast and a gull, dazed by his presence, described wavering circles around his head.
-franz kafka

anyone want to join me for the 'catapult/reverse bungee' thing? it's a waste of 30 bucks, eh? =) i think it's so scary. yet thrilling. any sponsors? stanley, would you go work for $60 and we shall go 'ahhhhhh...!' teehee. yes. i hate boys who whine. and those who 'ahem' on the phone loudly. and please, forget about the girl. become gay, like your old self. kudos to gayism, darl. =)

now what? my parents are talking about my brother all day long, 24/7. it's not wrong, i just dislike it. they make it so real, so evident, so obvious that kor's gone for good. and it's getting on my nerves. yes, so what if i still can't aceept it fully? so what i choose to remain in self-denial? let me have a choice please! it's about milton this when he was alive, about milton that when he was around. hello?! my brother IS still here, around, not gone! i hate it when they talk about him all day 'cos it just reminds me that my brother is no longer living!!! it pricks, it hurts, it's painful to me as much as it is for you! and my mother (yes, darling mommy) had to say 'you're also one of a kind, can't we talk about korkor? don't you think of him?' it was equivalent to a knife piercing through me. yes, milton is not my son, i didn't give birth to him, but i spent my whole seventeen years with him, i told him all my secrets, i shared all my thoughts with him, he was the only one in the family i could talk to, and apparently you were not in my shoes! so what if you're the mother? you mean sisters don't feel hurt? it doesn't mean you're grieving gives you the right to pin-point others. to add on to it, false accusations! i'm so fumed. practically flared up at my mum and dad. do i have to show you my tears before you know it's also biting in me?

the girl's all red-eyed and teary. she's biting her lips. her eyes are puffy. her hands trembling. her head throbbing inside. she buries her face in her sweaty palms. what's wrong? i don't know, but one thing's for sure: she's not alone. she still has the reflection in the mirror as her only companion.

my assignments are piled up and untouched. i have absolute no idea where i left them too. i must finish them by christmas. why must there be a darned lit portfolio to do? what is wrong with the teachers? remember, it's the holidays! oh, gosh. i'm going to procrastinate again. first it was the promos, now holiday assignments. blargh!

hol·i·day ( P ) Pronunciation Key (hl-d)
n.
A day free from work that one may spend at leisure, especially a day on which custom or the law dictates a halting of general business activity to commemorate or celebrate a particular event.

i miss you. tell me you miss me too. 'cos i can imagine how sweet and baby-like you look while sleeping. on that queen-sized bed of yours, snugged tightly under your starry covers (yes, you know how much i love your blanket, but give me anytime, i'll exchange it for a hug from you. =), with that ever-so-lovable peaceful expression you have on. it's all set in my mind, i love the way you sleep, you eat, you drink, you work, you frown, you smile, you love me, darl. i wish i was by your side now, so i could reach out and brush my fingers through your hair like i always do, so i could lay a peck on your cheek in your slumber. good night, yangyang. i'm missing you. =)

off to the beach tomorrow! it's been weeks since i last went there. grmph. hope the weather goes well. =) gees, can't wait! yes yes yes, had a wonderful singing session with hwans, angels and senns this afternoon. the joy of having a mike to ourselves each. haha. silly girls. at the end, we were like really mad and went wild trying to imitate f4 during their concert. haha. i sound like a kid now. anyway, i played ken, senns as jerry (who, else?!;), hwan as vanness and angels, of course as my ever-so-beloved zaizai! i haven't had so much fun since we parted our ways, sweethearts. you people made me recall how it feels like having fun all over again. thanks. :) it felt good not having to pretend and play-act in front of them, my tru-blue friends. it felt good not having to think for a while, just be what i wanted to be. it felt good being wild, and crazy and the results turned out to be hilarious. i miss those times in secondary school, when we didn't give a care at all, when friendship was purely friendship, when all we had to do was be ourselves, when we were. nothing is transient. all things change. including you and me.
p.s. love the song perfect.

-what would you do if you could turn back the hands of time? would you return smiling or stay stagnant in the timeline?

good luck to all retaking the econs exam tomorrow. =) and yes, econs is a dreadful subject. ew.

whee do we go from here? i'm here, hanging. like a cliff-hanger. i don't know if i should feel contented in love or sorrowful in grief. every time i smile, the bugging feeling of missing my brother just hits me somehow. especially when i'm alone and quiet. it reappears from the back of the mind. and why do i feel guilt when i'm happy? i can't smile real when i feel miserable inside. everyday i wish this is just a dream, an illusion and that i'd wake up and still find my brother busy in his room. everyday i hope all these are just unreal, it hard to accept reality. it's almost a month now, time just flies. even when times are difficult. i hear someone sobbing, i find her in milton's room, i want to comfort her, but i know it won't help ease her pain, or mine, and i can't. i don't want to see her cry, 'cos i'll follow suit. i miss him as much as she does, but she just can't take it like that. every time i hear her sob, my heart breaks, it's so painful it's literal. there's no way in bringing him back, there's no return. nobody knows why. i can't help my mother, i find it hard to remain fine. i've been going out these days, telling my parents i'm attending lessons in school. i used to do this too, but i'd always tell korkor where i'm going. he was the only one in the family i could talk to. staying at home just makes the agony sting even more. the reasons no one could find, all my feelings so deep inside, who'd understand my cuts and wounds, no matter how much i tear within. the smiles can hide, but reality still searches me out no matter what. i'll always remember the fond memories we shared together, for all of my seventeen years with you.

happy birthday to kenn's mummy! cheers, aunty lina! =)

psst. i'm bored and i'm hungry. i'm waiting for you. will you hurry home? oh, gosh. thinking of you is what i like to do alone, but missing you can be bad. and lonely. will you hurry home, please? -sigh- miss you. miss you. miss you. and i thought i had marksmanship? when you get bored, you get corny. and lame. -double sigh- still miss you. ooh, yes, goodies. cody's online. that'll mean something, i hope. =) i'm waiting. -yawns-

all about loving you - bon jovi

looking at the pages of my life
faded memories of me and you
mistakes you know i've made a few
i took some shots and fell from time to time
baby, you were there to pull me through
we've been around the block a time or two
i'm gonna lay it on the line
ask me how we've come this far
the answer's written in my eyes
every time i look at you, baby, i see something new
that takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
i don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
when I look at what my life's been comin' to
i'm all about lovin' you
i've lived, i've loved, i've lost, i've paid some dues, baby
we've been to hell and back again
through it all you're always my best friend
for all the words i didn't say and all the things i didn't do
tonight i'm gonna find a way
every time i look at you, baby, i see something new
that takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
i don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When i look at what my life's been comin' to
i'm all about lovin' you
you can take this world away
you're everything i am
just read the lines upon my face
i'm all about lovin' you

how's my yangyang? i miss you the whole weekend. well, does absence make the heart grow fonder? certainly did for me. haha. spoke to benji finally. i guess that's how the cliche goes, 'when you close one door, you open another,'? i'm so thankful for you, yangyang, i wouldn't know what to do if you haven't been there all these while. yes, i know i'm long-winded and i'm repeating myself, but i just got to do it! haha. my yangyang. with love. xoxo. =)

a friend of mine just sprained her ankle. hope she's feeling better. take care, euphe. =)
meanwhile...
1. hate pw
2. hate school (esp. during the holidays. and yes, what are holidays anyway?)
3. hate being alone
4. hate numbers (for example, math. *makes face*)
5. hate onions
6. whatever deserves to be hated

1. love my family (daddy, mummy, korkor)
2. love my friends (and yes, that includes YOU! =)
3. love my yangyang
4. love the beach
5. love words (for example, books, blogs, more books. :)
6. love colors
7. love shopping
8. love dogs
9. anything that is worth the love

yes, i'm glad love surpasses hatred there. i must have a big heart now. must not hate people, must not hate things. after all, what goes round comes round, isn't it?

i'm so bored now. i'm stoned. and stagnant. life's such a drag. somebody bring me to the skies please. i need a ride to fantasy. i've got tons of assignments untouched. my op unfinished, un-rehearsed (i doubt there's such a word). -yawn- -big yawn-
pepper. i want to name my next dog (if i ever get one) that. pepper. for now, pepper refers to you (like you don't know, haha. ;). i miss you. blargh. you have no idea how -rolls eyes- i'm feeling now.

this entry is stupid. i don't even know what i'm writing about. childish rants. infantile behaviour. lynnette.

-my blog, my confidante. what about you? what am i to you? surely not just another passer-by? i can't take another wound.

brudder! my fourth dream the night before. yes, fourth. it was nice. i hugged you, that's about the summarised summary. hehe. i miss you. emphasis is important. and long-winded. haha. always in fond memory.
anyone for wishing stairs? if you're a horror flick fan, give this a miss. it's not really scary, i say. quite draggy in the beginning, slow and no scare scenes at first. to make things worse the p.s. movie-goers were a bunch of i-don't-know-what-to-call them. they laughed at every shock scene, whether it was scary or not. i guess its the laughter that masks their fears eh? a few gross scenes and thrills (just a few) i must admit i was scared (given my present situation, i had an excuse to be afraid okay. =). had to cover my eyes like half the time. heh. i was like asking, 'okay, now what? what's happening? is it over yet?' if you have spare time and cash, watch it. i'd rather give it a miss. next: identity (i think it's ending soon, blargh.) and cold, creep manor. hehe. -cheers-

-when do we welcome the apocalypse? we have to get the party things going, the banners, balloons and champagne. we can't wait, can we?

korkor. i dreamt of you again last night. i thought i wouldn't dream of you again after my second one. hehe. there comes the third one. it was complicated yet simple. we (you, mummy and me) were in this cinema, supposedly watching some horror flick (wishing stairs, maybe? haha.) i was writing some thank-you cards to your friends and i saw you came and sat beside me. =) you were like, 'who else you haven't wrote for?' then i replied, 'i even wrote for yvette.' hehe. it was like the show, fly me to polaris, as if you came back and i was talking to you like normal, but i knew you weren't with us anymore. you know what i mean right? i wish you could return as normal for just a few days, for a day, or for just another hour. i just want to fulfil all that i didn't do as a good sister. i miss you badly, more than ever. it's still hurting inside. korkor.

found some old friends in friendster. i've this weird feeling. don't know if it feels good or not. kind of miss the days back in primary school. i came from a chinese school, presumably a good school. things were quite competitive back then, i was still naive and gullible. not street-savvy at all, people gave me this i took this, i listened, i did, i worked, i played (hardly), basically, schoolwork revolved around me, and i around it. i didn't make it to special stream, somehow i guess fate just had it for me. somehow or rather, because everyone ended up in good schools and i for some reason, could not. not because results-wise, but for some other cause. i lost touch with many and there, i found a few back, though not as close as before, i'll be able to catch up. well, in hope, that is. wonder how things would have been if i had remained in a prestigious school, but well, things have come to this, so why bother anymore? suat, if you're reading this, i just want you to know i'm glad to have met you again. you were one of the closer friends i had in poi ching, perhaps 'cos of our common love for the aesthetics back then? =)
for all my friends out there, just wanted you guys to know now that i'm so grateful to have met you guys. yes, everyone of you right from my kindergarten days till now. =)
xueting: for being there rain or shine, from our prefect days to pigger moments, you're one who knows all my darkest secrets and worst moments and never laughed at me, only with me. you share my life. thanks, darl.
sennette: for all the days we spent crying over nothing, laughing about everything, shopping sprees, photo sessions and how we mature over the years we've seen each other and learnt much from each other. thanks, buddy.
angeline: for all the times you've lent me a listening ear, wrote encouraging letters to me, holding my hand whenever i needed you. you live up to your name. thanks, angel.
rueyhwan: for all the times we've worked in npcc and not, in the mud, in the sun, you held me close through tough and good times. though we aren't always together, each time we spend is priceless and yet so near to our innermost feelings. =) thanks, squadmate!
aikwee: for all the times we spent on the phone, in class bickering, for all the times we were together, you don't now how much you mean to me. you made my life in secondary school much happier after i met you. you hold a special place although we never got to what we might have become, i hope you'd believe me. we never told each other our thoughts but i guess we truly know deep inside. thanks, yiwei.
stanley: for all the nights you spent with me, the times under my block and everything. be it quarrels or misunderstandings, we stood the test of time and have since become the most special of friends in each other's hearts. you were there whenever i needed someone in the wee hours of the morning, you know how important you are to me. thanks, moo. =)
diyana: for all the moments we spent wondering what we were living for, what meaning life carried, all the times you stood strong for me, with your hands on my shoulders all the time. you're one of the best friends in college. thanks, di.
rachel: for all the times we spent in school, and seeing me through my most difficult times. although we hardly meet outside school, i know you care and i'm most thankful for you. you've been like a big sis to me. thanks, rach.
carine: for all the secrets i have with you, for the late nights we spent watching the stars in the sky, lamenting about love and not, for all the times we've skipped school and still managed the exams. =) i know you may not read this still i'm glad to have met a friend like you in college. thanks, cow. =)
kenneth: for the change you made in my life, for the hugs and kisses you've showered me with, for the times you held my hand tight when i needed to be strong. you know it when i just need you. thanks, dear.
and for everyone else who've been there all these while, from milton's pals (jackson, aldric, lewis, salleh, jiehong, zuraidah, daniel and all), to my teachers, my primary and secondary schoolmates, my present classmates, my officers, alex and the bb clique, and even the online friends i haven't met before but whom i've shared much with. everyone. you know who you are. i'm afraid i'll regret if i don't tell all of you how much i love you guys, it's never too late to let your loved ones feel loved. go ahead and do it. most importantly, to daddy and mummy and korkor. the ones who've been in my life forever and will be till always. thanks all for making a difference in my life.
i love all of you, everyone of you.

okay. i mean it. new entry.
silly billie, i miss you so much. it's horrid not being able to see you today and i haven't heard your voice too! i know it's my choice to stay home and rest but i can't help feeling lonely not having you now. i'm so happy (happy, in another sense, not mentioning my brother, you know what i mean =) these days. even my friends tell the difference. heh. you make me feel like a princess, like what i am already. haha. you put a smile =) upon my face each time i see you, feel you or even hear your voice, sweetheart. flattered right? haha. well, although you can be mean at times, always teasing me and ignore me at other times and put on your mood swings occasionally, i still love you all the same. you make a difference in my life, and i don't care what others think about us anymore. whether were we wrong to make this choice or not, i am just glad we're finally together. i was apprehensive in the beginning but i just can't hold my feelings back no more. i don't know how long we'll last, how long we'll stay together but what matters most now to me is having you by my side and me by yours. i'm happy just the way we are. i don't know what made me fall for you this silly alligator, maybe it's just the way you are, maybe it's just love. love needs no reason, isn't it? :) i'm acting like a lovesick little girl but 'i don't care'. i know you'll always read my blog and refuse leave any notes, i know you always choose not to reply when i write letters to you, i know you hate it when i refuse to take any praises from you and i know you love me. =) i love the way you sound on the phone when you just wake up (well, just love your voice:), the way you slip your fingers into mine, the way you roll your eyes at me when i do something stupid, the way you wrap your arms around me, the way you brush across my cheek with your thumb, the way you love me, the way you are you.
you make my life worth living, thanks, sugar.

right, this entry is brand new. i shan't talk about kornow. he used to mention how my personality can spilt so well. one moment i was such a fanatic about f4 and the next i hate chinese and those cheena people. (those cheena people, if you know what i mean) i'm being mean here but i don't care. he said i can be so sad and angry at something and there a second goes i'm laughing about something else. i just did mention about my brother didn't i? haha.

i don't know how many left of the people who are still reading my blog. this thing is like, so redundant. i don't even know why is it public. i don't even know why i still carry on with this. i think i read it more times than anyone. and it's written by me and i read. how desperate can i get? life is so meaningless without my brother. at least kor would have visited my blog regularly. ARGH. sometimes, i just don't want to be reminded of you but i can't help it. i don't want to look at your picture, stare at it as if staring could evoke some change and then start missing you all over again. i get on life pretty normally outside and all, but it ALWAYS happens when i'm alone. i get this really bothering feeling, like sometimes bugging me. i even get guilty enjoying myself outside. deep down, i still can't get over the grief. like yesterday i was at heeren when i saw this name WILTON somewhere. i saw in the other way round the 'W' read 'M', there i was reminded of you. i went home, stared at your photo and started crying all over again. i hugged your photo tight as if it was you. it's been two weeks, is it long or not? i still cannot get over it, no matter how happy and normal i try to portray myself in front of people. i cried and cried and images of that fateful night keep flashing in my mind. it's so scary i think i won't be able to forget it. i wish i didn't have to come home sometime, 'cos the home holds so many memories of you. it's sad returning to an empty home and realisation of the fact that you're no longer here just pierces me through. you used to come into my room early in the morning to use the pc when i was sleeping. you used to be so quiet and gentle in case you woke me up. i can't stop thinking of you, kor, almost every entry i can't help but write about you. i can't blame anyone for not reading 'cos my entries are just repetitions right? i keep myself outside and busy so that i won't sit and just think about you in that grievous manner. i like to think of you in happy memories but there's this indescribable feeling bugging me. i can't describe that awful feeling. daddy and mummy are missing you so much i know, although daddy doesn't show it in the most obvious manner. i can break down anytime at home, i cannot take it just anymore! i'll be having my a's this time next year, i wonder how i'll handle it. it'll be so painful. i want to do well, so much for the sake of you, korkor, it'd only be for you but i'm afraid i won't have the strength and determination. i must do well, i tell myself. MUST. for you. i hope you'll give me all i need, i don't want to disappoint you. argh. but you know me, how well i procrastinate. i'm killing myself inside. i need to find something to occupy myself with, it's hard being all alone. i still still still miss you. alot.

You're the super-slacker!!
Homework?
What's that? Studying? Not in your vocabulary.
You hardly study and almost never do your work
and yet, by some divine intervention, you're
still surviving. And you come to school so un-
often, your teachers have pratically forgotten
that you even exist. Go, you slacker, you!!


Which Stereotypical Singaporean Student Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

is this glorious or not? heh. -cheers- hail to school...not!

the many masks i put on everyday
the many choices i dismissed with no say
i was so lost, even breathing was a chore
actors around made me more sore
i thought my curtains were drawn to the edge
and i was ready to leave this wooden stage
but the lights came on again
when i saw you bring in the rain
from a little seed
i became your very lead
you made me shine
like the stars i thought were mine
i flew on your wings, soared like a bird
your voice only i heard
came this far with my heart in your hands
we'll be here together till the very end.

just for you. i was merely bored. nothing more than that. thanks for the love. =)

it's hard staying at home on weekends. 'cos it just feels so lonely here. the home's just a house without your presence, why did you choose to abandon your family? the place's forsaken and feels like there's really no point in continuing our lives anymore. i hear mummy crying in her room, i can't comfort her and i don't want to. it's painful seeing her so heartbroken, i'd rather remain here for i'm afraid i'll break down as well. she holds your clothes and pretends you're still around. it gets on my nerves sometimes. i know daddy isn't quite happy about it, mummy's taking it quite hard still. well, what do i do? i try to be strong for them but it's taking a toll on me. fond memories of you return now and then, i'm using your phone, your discman, the bag you got me from uk, your camera, your cds even your pencil. i used the pencil for my chinese exam yesterday. the comprehension passage yesterday reminded me of you, it spoke of telling your loved ones how much you care before any regrets. i almost wanted to cry on reading that. i miss you so much, i feel so strange without you. i try to be happy and lead life as normal as i can outside the home, and i do. but deep down, the melancholic feeling just somehow returns unknowingly. pangs of missing you creep into my empty heart, i remember how we used to go town together, share music in my room, peep at people's blogs, share our favourite chips and food. there goes, nobody to scare me from behind, nobody to share bananas with mummy, nobody to criticise or praise my fashion sense. if i could exchange anything to have you back again, i would. i wish things were back to normal, i can't really stay happy for long and holding it all inside will just tear me apart sooner or later. identity's out, kor, i remember how we used to stay up late into the night in your room watching all those movie trailers. how we laughed and scoffed at movie flops and how i shuddered at horrifying movie clips. you wanted to watch identity and there goes. i'll watch it and let you know if it's good eh? i wanted you to watch fifteen and tell me if it's good, and you wanted to watch matrix, too. all the movies you couldn't catch in time, all the things you never completed. how did you bear to leave just like that? we never watched a movie together, one of my greatest regrets. you always told me about foreign films and you never failed to attend the arts and film fest. i always wanted you to accompany me there, but i never had the time. i'm such a failed sister i feel terrible. i need you back. please. can anyone help me? milton, i hope you'll see this. 'cos i'm sorry i wasn't a good sister, i wish i could make up to you, i wish you hadn't gone.

I love you not only for what you are,
but for what I am when I am with you

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning -

can't remember how we met
perhaps it was when you first asked 'lynnette?'
we clicked instantly, from the net to calls
i was scared, i never felt like this before
still i wanted to be with you every single day
'cos you made me shine like the sun's rays
you made me laugh when i was mad
you made me smile when i was sad
the day finally came
you slipped your fingers into my hand
i held on tight
i didn't want it to slip like sand
feelings for you went like a rush
to more than just a crush
i put you all above
all i can say now
i think i'm in love.

another something written for you specially. =)

the angel came
and took your hand
to the unknown land
the days come and go
the world still revolves
i know you're there
you were never gone
tears came as rain
thunder came as pain
but as soon as the storm ceases
the sun returns
and i see your smile in the rays
feel your warmth in the light
i feel the breeze brush my cheek
like a gentle kiss from you i need
you finished your journey
defeated not you are
instead victory lies for you
from fear to faith
i changed
from grief to understanding
i grew
step by step i know
my brother always
in rain or snow.

love, me. =)

WITH ONE FELL SWOOP
(MILTON RULEZ) 071003
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I held you as a chubby baby
In my arms every day
To keep you out of harm's way

As you morphed to be ready
For adolescence I continue
To see things that began anew

A fine young man happy-go-lucky
You've become unafraid of pain
Unafraid of Death you said again and again

So full of courage and soft-spoken
Never to trouble anyone
So much so crowds of which you like none

So much so people ridicule
You for no rhyme or reason, isn't it?
Yet heartless at you did spit

When one early morning awakening
You took the most courageous step
While the world unknowingly slept

Leaving the hassles of this stupid realm
As always you were at the helm
Of the ship crossing the sea of suffering

Internal conflicts of the past one year
You faced without the slightest fear
When to leave, how to leave, where to leave
Your sister, Mum and Dad with minimum grief
Courageously you returned to the land of Nirvana

So, all thoughts aside and with one fell swoop
You brought all relatives back into the loop
People you haven't seen for years and decades

Indeed with a final swift blow
Your power once and for all you show
With the most precious gift you know

Your method I most certainly disagree
But then you are you, you're not me
So with a one fell, final swoop....

EPILOGUE:
What a way indeed to fly
Home to the blissful land
Milton rulez! He did not die,
===================================================
A Tribute to My Son.

today was the first time i went home alone after you passed on, mellow. the past week i had to wait for mummy and daddy to be home before i would step into the house. but i wasn't alone for long before daddy came home. i'm getting along fine, like you'd want me to. it's only sometimes pangs return when i see something you like, or something linked to you. like today i saw this bus ad, it had your chinese character 'han' i was reminded of you. haha, call it paranoia or whatever, i had to switch all the lights on when i reached home today. even your room's, brother. haha. i know you're watching over me now, kor, i can feel it so right. thanks, i hope you'll continue reading my blog too. :) yeah, bet you know what's going on in my life now. your little sister has it already. you thought the two of us were an item formerly, i guess you knew we had it coming eh, brudder? haha. it was only a matter of time, wasn't it? guess you'll have everything nicely planned for us, daddy, mummy and your sister here. you're not gone, you're not away, i feel you everywhere i go, it's a nice feeling actually. feels like i'm being protected from all harm, like someone's holding my hand, giving me strength and faith. i know it's you, kor, a familiar knowing feeling. loving you. my guardian angel, always and forever.

my heart was in a thousand the day i met you
turn around i saw you piecing each bit
as gently as you could
with light and care you would
you fixed a door when it was mended
locked it and passed the key to me
time took its pace
love ran its race
confusion emptied and passion thrived
the scars grew away, loneliness skived
did what i had to
returned the key to its rightful owner
i gave it to you.
with love. =)

for my sunshine
it's your shoulder that lends me support when i'm falling
it's your hand that gives me the strength when i'm broken
it's your voice that comforts me when i'm dark and unsure
it's your love that keeps me going when i'm afraid
it's you that i've been waiting for. =)

there are years lost behind us,
full of words we never spoke.
but in my heart i have always felt
the love we have,
and neither distance nor time
can take away the bind we forged as children...
perhaps words are not always
necessary, but today
i want to remind you how much i really care.
you're the best brother i could ever ask for.
i love you.
- erin n. himelrick

alvarny, thanks alot for the poem. how thoughtful and sweet of you. i really like it, bet my brother would mean just this. thanks. by the way, do you mind sharing with me your blog? looking forward. :)

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
By Mary Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you waken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of gentle birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there. I did not die.

today i was shopping for a birthday card with a friend when i saw the variety of cards available for siblings. i never realised there were so many cards for brothers and sisters. i couldn't help but realised i'd never receive a sister card anymore, nor would i be able to send out a brother card anymore. thoughts of before flood back into my blurry mind, thinking i should have gotten you a card on your birthday, on christmas, on any occasion. but i never did. i'm sorry. i so much want to give you a card saying 'i love you, brother' but i wonder how you'd ever read it. i so much want to receive a card saying 'i love you, sister' from you but i wonder if it'd ever be possible. perhaps you'll lead me to a dream tonight with a card in your hands reading, 'for the best sister'? haha. maybe i'll exchange cards with you in the dream too, brother. it doesn't feel quite different when i'm out in school or with my friends but somehow or rather, thoughts of you just return in special ways, in the most unexpected circumstances. your absence only surfaces at home, sometimes i wished i didn't have to come home 'cos it's still painful knowing it's empty at home. i only have your picture to look at, your picture to touch, your picture to plant a goodnight kiss on. i still can't bring myself to go into your room, feel your bolster, or just be in your room. mummy was just saying 'korkor's smell is not as strong already, soon, it'll be gone.' your room used to smell like you, so musky, so milton. it's all going to disappear soon, it will. i had this crazy thought yesterday, i was walking to my room, past your room, you weren't in it, i actually had this mad feeling of expecting to see you in my computer chair facing the pc clicking away. i think i actually imagined you being there, i must be going insane just thinking about you, kor. it just happens at home during the weekends, especially. i guess time will heal all wounds. you'll give me the strength won't you, mel? =) love.

one of your faves, mel.

zero - smashing pumpkins

my reflection dirty mirror
there's no connection to myself
i'm your lover i'm your zero
i'm the face in your dreams of glass
so save your prayers
for when you're really gonna need 'em
throw out your cares and fly
wanna go for a ride?
she's the one for me
she's all i really need
cause she's the one for me
emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
intoxicated with the madness, i'm in love with my sadness
bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
the fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth
i never let on, that i was on a sinking ship
i never let on that i was down
you blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
you blame yourself for wanting more
she's the one for me
she's all i really need
she's the one for me
she's my one and only