songs just convey what one has to say. so much. so much.

From the album "Bone Against Steel"
38 Special - The Sound Of Your Voice

Knock down the doors and break thru the walls
Tear out the phone run from it all
I'm here to tell ya dude
It's been one of those days
I get a feelin' when I'm feelin' like this
My heart's a target you never miss
You got a way of puttin' everything in its place
Takin' your time
It's all that you're sayin' just how you say it
A serious game you start to playin'
You never cease to amaze me.
It's your voice I hear drivin' me wild
Whispering in my ear
It's your voice I hear dangerous child
You're sayin' what I wanna hear
If I had my choice I'd run for cover
But I think It'll be OK
'Cause all I needed to hear
Was the sound of your voice
Curl your words up into the air run your poetry thru my hair
Call me that name you call me when there's no one around
Take your time take all your precious time
It's all that ya sayin' just how you say it
Serious game you start to playin' you never fail to amaze.
I can tell ya that I miss the sound of your voice already
Bye baby bye bye
It doesn't matter where I go
It's your voice I hear
If I had my choice I'd run for cover
But I think I'll be OK
I can't say I'm going crazy
But you make a pretty good chase
And you never fail to amaze
It's your voice I hear drivin' me wild
Whispering in my ear
It's your voice I hear dangerous child
You're sayin' what I wanna hear
It's your voice I hear drivin' me wild
Whispering in my ear
It's your voice I hear dangerous child
You're sayin' what I wanna hear
It's your voice It's your voice
It's your voice

From the album "Lonely Grill"
Lonestar - Smile

I still remember the night we met
You said you loved my smile
But your love was like a summer breeze
Oh it lasted for a while
I could hold on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go so
I'm gonna smile 'cause I want to make you happy
Laugh so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in stlye
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile
Kiss me once for the good times baby
Kiss me twice for goodbye
You can't help what you don't feel
And it dosen't matter why
Give me a chance to bow out gracefully
Because that's how I want you to remember me
I'm gonna smile, 'cause I want to make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile
I'm gonna smile so you can find the courage
Laugh, so you won't see me hurtin'
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile

i'm not studying for my geo test tomorrow. gosh. i'm going to flunk it terribly. i need to be focused. but i'm so tired. so slack. so slack. argh. so so so lazy. help. argh!

From the album "What My Heart Want To Say"
Gareth Gates - Too Serious Too Soon

I wonder where you where
I wonder what your thinking about tonight
I wonder
Maybe your alone
Maybe you've been crying just like me
I wonder I don't know why I lost your touch
Maybe I wanted to be loved too much
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon
I told you every day
I told you every night in every way
I love you
Maybe you got scared
Maybe I have nothing else to say
But I love you
So baby now my life's a mess
Cause I'm cos I couldn't love you any less
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon
Too soon
It's not right
It's not fair
It's in you baby cuts like a knife
what if you were the love of my life
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
we got too serious to soon
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
too serious too soon
I wanted you too love me
It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon

From the album 'Solace'
Lost - Sarah Mclachlan

By the shadows of the night I go
I move away from the crowded room
That sea of shallow faces masked in warm regret
They don't know how to feel they don't know what is lost
Lost in the darkness of a land
Where all the hope thats offered is
Memories of being taken by the hand
And we are led into the sun
But I don't have a hold on what is real
Though we can only dry
What is there to give or to believe
I want it all to go away I want to be alone
Sympathys wasted on my hollow shell
I feel there is nothing left to fight for
No reason for a cause
And I can't hear your voice and I can't feel you near
I wanted a change knowing all I could do was try
I was looking for someone...

all these pretense is killing me. behind the smiles and laughter lies a lifeless soul. i can't carry on the act anymore. feeling so lost, in the complicated world. complexity of every single simple thing makes me want to break down and cry. the mood swings come and go, i feel like i don't know myself anymore. like ever i knew myself. acting is not forever, i need to live. a reel life? life's an act, all in all. sigh.

a joke. such a joke. where did we get to here, anyway? but things like such make life more interesting. maybe the show can go on, but still, it takes two to clap. oh, well. why am i trying so hard, anyway? i'm not even involved, making myself busy for nothing. well, well.

good voices can be deceiving. =)

just woke up from my 20-minute nap. tired. but still have to go for kick boxing. today's the first day of the hungry ghost festival, shouldn't stay out too late, should i? haha. oh, well!

seriously. what have i done to myself! here am i making things difficult for myself, it hurts so much. the emptiness' filling in again...why isn't there anyone to help me? i'm not pushing you away, you're too far from me. i'm confused, i'm lost. maybe we shouldn't have come this far, maybe you should leave me alone. i don't need anyone. =) i should learn to stand on my own feet. i shouldn't have, in the first place. i think i'll be fine on my own.

compare and contrast. what's with that? i'm so angry. at myself. at everyone. love can be so very wrong! compare and contrast!!! argh.

so unloved. so lost. so empty. so much crying. so much pain. it just hurts. so much.

all these due to my own doings. why did i? label me: a clueless manipulator. blargh!

i shouldn't be feeling like this. i shouldn't be feeling like this. what's wrong? i feel a tinge of longing, wishing it was me over there. i did this to myself. i got pricked by the needle in my very own hand.

i feel so alone. the feeling's coming back. so deserted, so scared. the empty feeling is filling up in me, again. the tears are returning. what am i waiting for? who am i yearning for? what do i want?

« many questions remain unsolved because we cannot bring ourselves to face the hurting answers. »

help me. help me. help me. somebody!!!

replaced. how's it? oh, well. some things come and go. i shouldn't hold on to what isn't mine in the first place. i don't want it, yet others can't have it. where's the sanity in this?

I am 31% evil. Take the test :: koolplace.com

what now?!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

i feel like such a child sometimes. such a kid. is it okay? is it alright to always remain one?

Frente - Bizarre Love Triangle

Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through
Into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living the life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You say the words that I can't say
I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say
Every time I see you falling
I'll get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

hi. blog-reading time? hee. =) good luck for tomorrow! take care and smile for me, will you? :)

Amy Studt - Misfit

So you think you got it all worked out,
You got your hot pants on,
You got your arse right out
You, think that you weren’t something special,
Me and my drag dress we wont do at all,
I spent so long trying to fit the prototype
Kept just sticking in years
And I never got it right oh
What’s the use?
What’s the point?
You got the wrong girl!!
So you do what,
You’re doing there,
Cause ill be flying higher,
Waste your own time,
I don’t care
Anything you can do
I can do better!
All you girls you
Look up if if you can handle when I’m still here
Well Your superficial I’m a misfit
But baby that’s ok
All you girls when
You look into the mirror tell me how do you appear
Well Your superficial I’m a misfit
Your superficial I’m a misfit
But that’s ok.
So you got your little groups and gangs
You got your VIP
Your member only, things
You happy clappers
And your VC crew
And if you get in their way
They got ten on you
I don’t wanna be in that game
Don’t wanna follow the leader
No way
What’s the use?
What’s the point?
You got the wrong girl!!
So you do what,
You’re doing there,
Cause ill be flying higher,
Waste your own time,
I don’t care,
Anything you can do
I can do better!
All you girls you
Look up if if you can handle when I’m still here
Well Your superficial I’m a misfit
But baby that’s ok
All you girls when
You look into the mirror tell me how do you appear
Well, Your superficial I’m a misfit
Your superficial I’m a misfit
Your superficial I’m a misfit
So what we don’t look the same
So what we don’t
So what we don’t
So what I don’t play your game
So what I don’t
So what I don’t
So what if I don’t?
All you girls you
Look up if if you can handle when I’m still here
Well Your superficial I’m a misfit
But baby that’s ok
All you girls when
You look into the mirror tell me how do you appear
Well, Your superficial I’m a misfit
Your superficial I’m a misfit
All you girls you
Look up if if you can handle when I’m still here
Well Your superficial I’m a misfit
But baby that’s ok
All you girls when
You look into the mirror tell me how do you appear
Well, Your superficial I’m a misfit
Your superficial I’m a misfit
Your superficial I’m a misfit
But that’s ok

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!


discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com

find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com


discover your inner candy heart @ stvlive.com

sheesh. so many entries today. i'm bored stoning/lazing/idling at home, you see. the sky's getting dark, looks like there may be a downpour. i like rain. the paradox of enjoying a gloomy day. what to do tomorrow? yes, it's pouring already. nice. i love the rain. it's the weekend! yay. am i really glad it's the weekend? argh. what's missing? i won't wake up.

`the.whisper.has.been.pestering.me.from.the.back.of.my.mind.that.it.won't.work.out.i've.got.to.stop.my.worthless.dreaming.

::xueting::angeline::sennette::rueyhwan:: for all of you out there, i'm so glad to have all of you with me, so glad, so glad. people say i'm nuts when i go around telling them how glad i'm to have them in my life, but i'm just afraid i may never have a chance to let you guys know. :) hey, hands-squeezing is a form of a reassurance! i love you all! i know all of you know, but it won't hurt hearing me say it out again, right? :) *allsmiles*

yes, i will be there for you. =) we all need a shoulder to cry on. some things we just can't avoid, some things we just can't have. thank you for being there, angel. you never fail to make me feel i'm needed, i'm never alone. perhaps it's just a passing phase, perhaps it's just part of life. but sometimes you can't help feeling lonely, feeling estranged. call my name and i'll be there, smile when you see me. so glad to have known all of you, all of you. :)

is it just school? or is it me? i'm upset. i can't help the tears. so moody these days. cry very easily. why? cry at the slightest thing, get angry at the most trivial matters, scream for no whatsoever reason. lynnette, get a grip.

what's life?! i've got no life, as it is now. i'm not going to school later. i feel so sick of life. everything's happening at such a pace, i can't catch up with anything. i'm lost, i'm confused. i'm tired. very very tired. i need a break. seriously, i'm about to break down soon. why is my life in a mess? i wish there was someone there. i'm so broken. my head hurts, my heart aches. i'm in so much senseless pain. how do i live on any longer? all this's hurting me so much. i'm a living wreck!!!

You're an ENFP

What's there to say about you? You're an initiator of change and are keenly in tune to possibilities... you're enthusiastic, and it's contagious...you're tireless in the pursuit of newfound interests... You can anticipate the needs of others, and offer them needed help and appreciation. You bring zest, livelihood, and fun to all aspects of your life...
You're agreeable, sociable, outgoing and like to imagine yourself in the future... who will you marry? what type of work will you do? where will you live? All questions you ask yourself...you like to keep your options open...you're imaginative...curious...you prefer to understand than judge..
You see endless possibilities. You hate to be boxed into anything -- like a career -- for life...so you hesitate and resist making decisions...always look for new and novel...
You like a learning environment where the teacher takes a personal interest in you...You're motto might be: "There's always a better way or a better answer.."... when you're committed to something, you are enthusiastic to the point of preaching to the whole world about it (...like the Storm Palace?)
Your style of organization is... well, personalized. Others don't really see you as organized, though, do they? YOU know what's where, and there's a "method to your madness," huh?
You have a hard time separating work from leisure, since you have fun while you work. You're always on the lookout for new things... you like learning with others, so you'll invite 'em to join you at films, plays and classes.
When you fall in love, you study the other person in every way. The one you fall in love with is "the best ever" a lot, huh? Sheesh. But others feel unconditionally loved by you ....you fall head over heels and get in love FAST. You are charming...full of vitality...you treat others with sympathy, gentleness, and warmth...
Last part: watch out for losing your focus 'cause you wanna try too many ideas at the same time... you don't prioritize, so you can overload...also, because you're just a fun-loving animal, you might not complete important work and basic responsibilities...
ENFP: "Every day, New Fantastic Possibilities"

maybe you shouldn't waste your time anymore. it's not going to be easy. you don't know me well enough. don't keep chasing, it's pointless. don't want to see you get hurt. won't let you reach me. well, then again, catch me if you can. once bitten, twice shy. i'm sorry. i mean it.

i never get the things i want. i never realise my dreams. the hard-to-get things always seem to hit me. i don't know why, maybe it's just me? i prefer it this way, i guess. the unreachables always remain the prettiest, because reality just hurts so much. if only.

for all out there concerned about me, thanks for being there. the world just seems brighter knowing that people still care. thanks, i'm okay. =) i miss you, though, the times we shared during our school days. the times we shared together. i thought you didn't care no more, i thought i was alone. if one day you think it's time to let go, just do. things change. if you think i don't care, i do. i just feel that i don't have the right to. the music will fade one day. the ferris wheel will stop turning someday. i will be okay.

p.s. smile for me.

had lunch at nydc with sennette and angel. reminisced the times we had during our together days. oh, well. had fun, though, laughing and taking photos. missed the days where we used to hang out at some cosy place. the good old days! anyway, also found out that senn's classmate is a friend of kenneth's! so cool. the world is so small. i'm surprised. nice feeling. haha. eating is heaven. oh. food, glorious food. =)

p.s. everyone should try the triple choc brownie and mudpie at coffee club. devilycious! mmm.

argh. in school doing some research stuff. how boring. some topic about censorship. totally burnt-out. had my 2.4km run just now. it's over, finally. having the stations tomorrow. argh. got to stay in school for extra tutorial today. what a spoiler. really so bored in school. is there more to life than these?!

-what is not meant to be is not meant to be.-

it's raining! finally! raining at night. it just makes me more teary than i already am. tears are always welcomed though. is heaven crying? for me? please tell me yes. i need comfort. solace in nature, solace in rain...because life just seems so meaningless already.

dreaming, only dreaming, where the world can be what i want it to be. dreaming, only dreaming, where i can be who i want to be. dreaming, only dreaming, where you can who who i want you to be. dreaming, the only time when i can be by your side.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

here in school blogging away again. carine asked me if my life revolved around blogging. haha. maybe it does. i know now. things aren't that simple after all. backing off is the only option left. there are so many obstacles. maybe i shouldn't have in the first place. a mistake's a mistake. oh, well. at least it went this far. i should be thankful enough. i ought to continue dreaming...=) that'll do.

`things you realise you can never have in life become memories.

everyday we see each other
but say not a word.
only in my mind we’re together
whilst everywhere else, it’s absurd.
even in the darkest nights,
thinking of you makes me smile
as I lie back and dream of you
because I know it’s be worthwhile.
for years I’ve thought of you
and wished this you could see
that perhaps one day my dreams will come
and I’ll hold you close to me.
but for now we’re not even friends
and talk rarely still
but in my heart, you’re always there
and these wishes, you'll fulfill.
and in my heart, in my dreams,
you'll always be my familiar stranger.

you call it an act of vanity
but I have to keep my sanity
forced to hide the flickering flame
so I back away in shame
resting my back against the wall
stumbling for you, please don't let me fall
never felt so desperate before
i've always only been the girl next door
you've always been the one to pick up the pieces
the pain you're causing never ceases
can't you see that this time it's you
who is breaking my heart in two
and oh how I'm dying inside
only to my mind do I confide
it's crazy the love within me
it's crazy how you can't see
the unrequited desire
friendship set on fire
you call it an act of vanity
but still I have to keep my sanity

the eyes spoke to me
the eyes told me already
the silence that speaks
the silence that haunts
it just makes me so torn
i wish i can find a way
keeping it in me because i know it's a love that will never be
hiding it inside because i know there'll never be you and me...

it is you who made me live my life through
it is you who made me live my life blue
it is you who painted the rainbow across my sky
it is you who made the storm blow in my mind
it is you whom i've been looking for
it is you whom i've been waiting for...

i'm trying not to cry...

you pushed the dagger further in!!! your words are killing me!!!

Which [Movie Genres] are you?


Which [Rainbow Colours] are you?


Is the glass half full or half empty?

.::like a bird in the sky. a fish in the sea, a butterfly on the flower. you and me, suddenly, everything just makes sense::.

`when you give someone your heart, you're giving them your life. when you give someone your soul, you're giving them forever.

*true love doesn't mean gazing at each other, but looking in the same direction.

::love is no need to struggle with desire or temptation, no need to wrestle with anger. let them go, take a breath. count to ten. have a rest, find your way.

chasing that somebody i know i'll never have. turn back and acknowledge me please. just one nod and i promise you can leave. i'll turn my back on you and walk away. i hear your footsteps fainting away, i just can't help but glance at bay. i see your shadows plodding into the faint light in the gloom, and here am i still dreaming in the bedroom.

i'm THIS tired. i actually fell asleep while waiting for the page to refresh just now. argh. gravity's not helping my eyelids too. i can sleep forever. well, i really wish. what to do tomorrow? it's going to be another boring weekend, i know it. it's a miracle i can still blog, when my eyes are half-opened. i'm shagged. by what!? blargh.

`i'll scream names if i'm on a cliff right now.

i'm so tired today. had interact till five plus. totally shagged. not that interact was tiring. but i'm just so very tired. maybe the past week's been packed? oh, well. my feet's aching from wearing the court shoes. darn the heels. i don't even seem to have the energy to type. is there a massage parlour nearby? what can i do tomorrow? my lit essay's due on monday. my saturday and friday's burnt. should be out tomorrow. what now? so many things to finish, so little time!

being in love with love? or being in love with somebody?

p.s. do you believe in a purely platonic yet close relationship between the two genders?

still in the lab. still bored. still dreaming!

in school again. with sam and carine in the lab, doing their pw project. school's been such a bore. nothing much happened. talk about being excited. haha. anyway, tgif! having pe later until 1715. my fridays are burnt! still having a rehearsal later. tomorrow's gone too. having listening compre, gp test and installation. what a bore! yawn. i need my space! =)

p.s. sam can be so childish. haha. so cute.

Frankie J - Don't wanna try

i can't believe u had the nerve to say the things u said
they hurt so bad that they ended our relationship
i can't believe it ..4 years go down the drain
oh how i wish things would of happened so differently
i try'd to save it so many times but you still couldn't see
u kept insistin' and resistin' that u would not fall again
and now u tryin' to tell me that ur sorry
and ur tryin' to come back home
ur tellin' me u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
don't wanna try don't wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
i hurt u bad to when we both begin to cry
don't wanna try don't wanna try i 'bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin' on when all we do is hurt our love
u and i had many conversations on the telephone
talks about one day we having a place of our own
wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
but all of that just seems so far away from me
had to wake up face reality
it all just seem to good to be true after all you put me through
and now u tryin' to tell me that ur sorry
and u tryin' to come back home
u tellin' me that u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i
don't wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
don't wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
i hurt u bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try don't wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin' on when all we do is hurt our love
don't wanna try don't wanna try
don't wanna try no more
don't wanna try don't wanna try
don't wanna try don't wanna try
don't wanna try no more
don't wanna try don't wanna try don't wanna try no more

happy birthday, sugar. hope you enjoy your birthday with your boyfriend. how nice. =) nothing's going to separate us. the promise of a soulmate to another, specially written for you.

Friendship is a lifetime contract.
That can never be breached nor left on the rack.
Friendship is bliss shared by many hearts,
Pieced together, part by part.
Friendship is a timeless piece.
Just like a winding road that can never cease.
Friendship is like an angel and its wings,
Binded together, in the neverending ring.
Friendship is bonded with love,
Without either, there can be neither.
Friendship is faith and trust,
Together with love, it is must,
Friendship is you and me,
side by side, hand in hand and never lonely.

things just seem so vague. things just seem so unreal. it's so impossible. treating everything like a dream. it is a dream. all's nothing but a dream. i'll continue dreaming - the only time when you're mine.

in school now. blogging from my school's computer. slacking away again. so sick. econs lecture sucked. wasn't even paying attention. some 'survey' was passed around, on whether you'll kiss someone of the same sex. how childish can one get? haha. i'm bored. very. i hope lessons will be alright later. having econs tutorial and i haven't even done my homework! lynnette! talk about homework, i haven't even read othello. hope he doesn't call on me. blargh. don't feel like going for interact. tired. another boring school day.

p.s. i'm still childish. i'm behaving like a kid. i don't want to grow up. yet.

absolute heaven for the past 4 days. in town everyday, hitting the shops like there's no tomorrow. haha. really, i can be a spendthrift at times. extravagance leads to poverty sooner or later. i should start spending less, go out less frequently. or else my purse shall have to be pawned. in total slack mode even since last friday. until now. by the way, i successfully got my m.c. but for 28 bucks. sigh. the price of playing truant. the doctor knew i wasn't really sick, didn't he? oh, well. i don't skip school often anyway, do i? should i study for the retest? will it be the same? hopefully. but still bound to fail. blargh. makes no difference. having fun all the time can make one tired. i'm feeling lethargic. my eyelids seems to be going with gravity. library books are due since the beginning of the month, why do i keep doing the wrong things, or should i say, not doing anything? hope tomorrow will be a slack day again...but i highly doubt so. i woonder if there's any homewrok to be done. right, MY LIT ESSAY IS DUE ON FRIDAY. i must get it done asap. lynnette, get working! time's running out!

i think i just made a mistake again. i skipped school again. well, this time i totally did. blogging from my girlfriend's notebook. i don't know i did, maybe it's just plain laziness? oh well. anyway, wanted to skip econs tutorial and the test. guess what. my mean tutor wants a m.c. in order for me to take a retest. define life, please! i feel so sick of life, well, actually, college just sucks. especially econs. i think i should have taken history instead, maybe? argh. the little problems of life add up to becoming a huge blunder! my life just rocks, if you know what i mean. everyone's having lessons in school. at least i bothered to hand in my lit assignment. stayed up till 3 to finish it, can you imagine? i'm totally shagged. what do i do next? try to fake sick to get a m.c from the doc's? i'm really sick. sick of my damned life. is it my karma or something? do you think the doc will give a m.c. for mental fatigue? help! tomorrow's another sucky school day. how can i escape? my lit assignment isn't done, i have a damned econs retest, i'm lagging behind in my studies...HELP! i need major help in my life. please. somebody help me.

p.s. notebooks are so cool. maybe i should get one too? but fancy spending thousands on a gadget. that money can well go to clothes. but laptops are so handy. so cool. oh, well.

.:quiet is my loudest cry - wouldn't want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside:.

two good shows coming up. the wild rice production of animal farm and the long-awaited the wedding banquet. i should hurry and get the tix, haven't been to any musicals since oliver!, just can't wait. but i have a feeling somehow i'll miss these two shows. oh, well. but i'm keener on the wedding banquet, the fusion of eastern and western cultures. my econs test's tomorrow, i'm dead this time. as if things weren't bad enough, i've another 2 lit essays to complete, it's okay with me not doing, but it's a group thing, i just have to do it. i'm so sad. if i can pass the econs test, or even score 40%, i have to thank my lucky stars, every single one of them. i'm 99% sure i'll flunk this time. the other 1% is luck. i really don't want to fail any more tests, but what am i doing? i should start studying, i've a feeling i might well fail my promos. [insert hair-pulling-screaming-frustrated smiley] grrr. what a bother. my long weekend was totally heavenly, never spent my time like that since god-knows-when. i didn't even know there was work to be done until now. i wished i'd gone to la selle. i wished i'd gone ahead to do drama. argh. who can i blame!?

Wintering in a dark without window
At the heart of the house . . .

This is the room I have never been in.
This is the room I could never breathe in.

Black lake, black boat, two black, cut-paper people.
Where do the black trees go that drink here?
Their shadows must cover Canada.
A little light is filtering from the water flowers.
Their leaves do not wish us to hurry:
They are round and flat and full of dark advice.
Cold worlds shake from the oar.
The spirit of blackness is in us, it is in the fishes.
A snag is lifting a valedictory, pale hand;
Stars open among the lilies.
Are you not blinded by such expressionless sirens?
This is the silence of astounded souls.
-Crossing the Water, Sylvia Plath

suddenly came this interest in sylvia plath, one of america's greatest poets. came across a poetry book by her, 'crossing the water' in kino. her works carry subtle meaning and many speak of sorrow and grief. ought to read 'the bell jar' - a classic about depression. maybe reading it will make me feel better. maybe it really will. relating myself with her works. plath's also known as 'ms. blue' - i see me somewhere there.

xue and boyfriend are so much in love. =all smiles= patiently listening. enviously looking. hopelessly waiting.

.:the|something|you|never|can|have|always|seems|the|most|beautiful:.

Was never true love loved in vain,
For truest love is highest gain.
No art can make it: it must spring
Where elements are fostering.
So in heaven's spot and hour
Springs the little native flower,
Downward root and upward eye,
Shapen by the earth and sky.
-Middlemarch, George Eliot

i'm missing you the whole day. but the moment i see you, my attention just shifts elsewhere. i walk away whenever i see you, like without a care at all. but the moment your back turns, you never did realise i'll still be hoping after you till you're gone. the surface of things never tell the truth of it, beneath lies the untold...

::infatuation.with.you.is.taking.me.on.an.emotional.high::

thoughts come into our minds by avenues we never left open, and leave through avenues that we never voluntarily opened.

I Am

Which tarot card are you?
Spiritual enlightenment, inner illumination, hidden power. Link between seen and unseen. Balance of positive and negative forces. Receptivity. Unseen guidance.
A young woman sits on a throne holding a scroll labeled "Tora" meaning "law." On her breast is the sign of the meeting of heaven and earth, the Maltese cross. Her crown is the full orb supported by horns, the crown ofthe Mother Goddess Isis, who rules all things changeable, shown by the moon at her feet. Her power, upon which her throne rests, derives from the creative principle of duality, shown by the two pillars of light and darkness. To those who know and love her she dispenses the sweet fruit of the world itself, symbolized by the pomegranites.

bleakness is talking to the emptiness hoping someone is near but knowing no one is here.

my good old pal and boyfriend are really sweet. a honey-sweet romance. how lucky of her to have found someone so precious. never seen her happier. i feel her joy, so happy for her. still, inside, the longing lingers. the envy, the missing piece of my jigsaw, yet to be found. but just looking at other happy couples make me smile. i had it once, i lost it, and it's not going to be easy finding it again. oh, well. so glad xue found her other half, hope they'll last. but that's not the problem now, time will tell. what matters now is not loving him, but treasuring it. nothing does last forever, really. my closet tomorrow, maybe he'll appear. maybe. maybe i should just continue my dreams.

really at a loss. confused. dazed. everything's a mess. love can really damage your health.

Evanescence - Your Secret Admirer

How many times have you told me you love her
As many times as I wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here beside you
I lived through you you looked through me
Who's solid suit still with me is only you
Who's solid suit I can't stay away from you
How many times have I done this to myself
How long will it take before I see
When will this hole in my heart be mended
Who there is left alone by me
Who's solid suit forever me and forever you
Who's solid suit only you only true
Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind
I can't stay here not enough time
Your secret admirer
Who could it be
can't you see your the one
It was me how can you be so blind
Just to see right to me
And you started to stealin' me
And only you
Who's solid suit I could stay away from you
And who's solid suit forever me forever you
Who's solid suit only you and only two

Azn Dreamers - Secret Love

Dreams of love
My secret is with you
I think of how our love could be
But all my friends say I'm a fool
I don't care
What People have to say
Whenever I can I'll be there for you
I am sure I'll find a way
Whatever you do don't break my heart
Whereever you go we'll never part
'Cause I know our love is strong enough
And you'll always be my secret love
You and I
It's like the book of love
I must of read a thousand pages
But it seems it's not enough
I wish I, Could give the world to you
And when I see a falling star
Then I will make that wish come true
Outta luck, outta hand
make me understand
Baby please
All I need, is to see what it takes
For me to win all of your love

you keep my eyes open. you keep my heart beating. you keep me alive. i'll be waiting by the window. i'll be waiting by the stars. i'll be waiting, waiting...

Senses Fail - Dreaming A Reality
From the album "From The Depths Of Dreams"

Is this what it's like?
A dream lacking serenity?
A wordless conversation, a "you and I" without me.
Well I try and I won't get far,
I'll die and I won't get far,
I'll try and know that everything's okay.
So I guess this is where I lie.
Where the days are endless and the nights, they just don't belong. [x2]
Dreaming my reality
Where truth and fiction don't seem to exist.
Confusion is home here, but believe in you is what you insist (it's what you insist).
Well I try and I won't get far,
I'll die and I won't get far,
I'll try and know that everything's okay.
So I guess this is where I lie.
Where the days are endless and the nights, they just don't belong.
Nights, don't belong, the nights, don't belong, and the nights, they just don't belong.
Nights don't belong I'll never be ok, as long as I'm dreaming a reality.

laughter drowns the tears. smiles cover the pain. feigned happiness disguise the real sorrow. all's nothing but a pretense.

the pastures on the other side always seem greener. i wish i could do it. i wish i could just speak. i wish i could look into your eyes. i wish i could read aloud my feelings. there's something still missing in me. i don't want another torn diary page. i don't want another wet pillow. i don't want another broken broken heart. the journal pages just keep filling, the tears just keep brimming. i'll soon be another nothing but a reject. the perfect love's always in my dreams. i wish i can sleep forever, just to be with you, just to make the impossible come true in my heart. the hero of my only fantasy. i'd like to be everything you'll like me to be, i wish you knew. the secret just lies, the unhidden truth. all it takes is a smile from you to keep me going, all it needs is a look from your eyes to mine to keep me living, all of it is you. you're my pillar of strength, my reason for living.

seeking.solace.in.waiting.seeking.comfort.in.waiting.the.sweet.sorrow.of.love.the.bitter.joy.of.a.secret.love.

so much behind this naked smile. this hollow smile. i need more than just mere courage. life's not a matter of choice, there's nothing much i can do. there's just so much to say, so little time, too little courage. so many things happening at the same instant, i just can't bear this burden anymore. i need an outlet, i'm not having any space...i feel like crying. it's not up at me, everyone is angry, i'm so in angst. i'm scared. i need to run away. fast.